Zebras Out For Tea
by sawyerzelda
Summary: Zelda, a waitress at a retro diner who's life is quite ho-hum, is in for a huge change when a guy named Link becomes a regular customer (and admirer) this fic will teach u many old movie facts! HA HA HA!
1. The Real Liz Taylor

A/N: ok, I did have a high school story up, but it got taken off for reasons. So here is this story, about the relationship between a waitress & her avid customer.

By the way, my aunt came up with the title.

Disclaimer: For what feels like the billionth time, NO, I do not own The Legend Of Zelda game, or any of its characters. Now that that's done with, here's the story:

------------------Zebras Out For Tea----------------

It was another one of those days--dark, dank, and dreary. Zelda and Malon sighed, looking out the window of their restaurant.

"Hey look, here's someone," Malon said, hearing a ding as the door opened. Her face fell as the couple entered the room. "Aw man, old people again..."

"Well, what were you expecting?" Zelda asked with annoyance. "Better go get your mask, darling, it looks like they're sitting in your area."

"Yeah," Malon groaned, reaching for a rubber mask and putting on. She walked over to the cheerful elderly people, whose grins were exceptionally broad when she approached them.

The restaurant Zelda and Malon worked at was only in business because it was a hobby. The owner of the place was one of America's millionaires, who had a small obsession for old-fashioned things. When he discovered an old diner that had been hidden in the depths of Manhattan (one that had been around since 1940), he saved it from destruction and put it back on its feet. Normally the only customers were old couples, because the workers at the place wore masks that resembled movie stars of the decade--usually the only waitresses who worked there were college girls (--....forties movie stars...). It did all right; just usually the waitresses were very bored.

Malon sighed and walked back to Zelda with a pad of paper. She pulled off her Judy Garland mask, and said, "They want me to sing."

"Wow," Zelda giggled. "That mask IS really good."

"Yeah, either that, or they're going blind," Malon snorted, sticking the order through the kitchen window. "Order up, Bob--so Zel, seen any lookers lately?"

"Not really," she answered. "Like we clarified, this seems to be the old people's favorite hang out spot. Did I tell you about last week? Some lady was turning eighty-five or something and she brought nine friends. That's ten old people who have messed up hearing-aids and can barely speak good English."

"Ooh, that sucks," Malon giggled. "Glad I don't have your section."

Zelda rolled her eyes. "Hey Ruto," she called out, as one of their fellow waitresses came out of the kitchen. "How goes it?"

"Dull, as usual," sighed Ruto, pulling off her mask.

"Remind me who this is," Malon said, taking Ruto's mask and running her fingers over it.

"Esther Williams," Ruto said. "Just because I resemble a fish, the boss thinks it would be funny if I was disguised as a synchronized swimmer."

"Don't worry," Zelda said. "As soon as November comes, these masks will be history until next year."

"I don't get it," Malon said, filling some glasses with Diet Coke and water. "If it's just to celebrate Halloween, why don't we just wear the masks on the thirty-first? Like, instead of having to wear them all week?"

"How would I know?" Zelda asked, throwing her arms up in the air. "This is just so humiliating .... If someone I know ever comes in here, take the James Cagney mask and plug me with holes, would you?"

"No problem."

Meanwhile........

"Mikau, thank you so much for letting me stay here," Link said to his friend, dropping his bag in a room.

"Hey, anything for my sister's husband's room mate's nephew's teacher's best friend," Mikau said, laughing and giving Link a hard pat on the back. "And of course, a dear friend."

"Of course," Link laughed, following Mikau into the kitchen. "So, you going to show me the sights, or what?"

"Sure," Mikau said. "How'd you like to meet the neighbors? The girl next door is great, I bet you two would get along swell."

"What's her name?" Link asked, as they prepared to exit the house.

"Saria," Mikau replied, locking the door behind them. "I told her a friend of mine was staying for a while; she's thrilled about meeting new people."

"Oh, well, you know me," Link said, rolling his eyes and stuffing his hands into his jean pockets. He sighed. "I'm the most anti-social weirdo you ever met."

"Don't worry about it, Link," Mikau said. "I'll be there the whole time, so you won't feel awkward or anything. I won't leave your side."

At Saria's house--

"Sorry, I have to take this call," Mikau said, glancing at his cell phone. He stood up, leaving Saria and Link alone, saying, "I'll be back."

Link subconsciously kneaded his hands, sitting on the couch across from Saria. From the moment they first met, he couldn't but help stare at her hair. It was green, of all colors. All though after meeting Mikau, he supposed, he shouldn't be surprised about anyone he met.

"So," Saria said loudly, breaking the silence. "Have you met Ruto yet?"

"Uh, no," Link said, wondering who Ruto was.

"Aw, he hasn't? She's Mikau's girlfriend," Saria informed him. "I was sure he'd have mentioned her before."

She paused, and Link thought she wanted him to say something, so he said, "Nope, Mikau's never brought up a Ruto."

"She's the sweetest gal," Saria giggled. "I think you'll like her--I mean of course you'll be meeting her know that you're rooming with Mikau and everything. She works at the cutest little restaurant--do you like old movies?"

"Oh, yeah, I do," Link said eagerly (of course he does!). "Oldies are goodies."

"Yeah," Saria asked. "I think you'd absolutely love this place that Ruto works at. It's an old, old, old, diner that was actually built in the 1940s. The guy who owns it is like a millionaire or something, and he wanted to preserve it, so he turned it into this old-fashioned sort of place."

"Really?" was all Link could manage to ask.

"Uh-huh," Saria said gleefully, glad she had found a good conversation topic. "Oh, you guys should go over there before Halloween. That's when all the waiters and waitresses wear masks that look like actors from the period, and--oh, it's wonderful! And there are photos up all over the place of stars from classics, and old movie posters, and it still looks like an old diner."

"Wow, that sounds awesome," Link said honestly. "I'll have to ask Mikau to show me there."

"I'd take you!" Saria said. Then she frowned. "Oh wait, I can't...I've got book club tonight. But I'm sure Mikau would love to catch Ruto on her shift."

"Hey, Mikau," Link said, as the dude walked back into the room. "Saria here was just telling me about the diner your girlfriend works at."

"Oh, that place," Mikau said, rolling his eyes. "I go there to give Ruto moral support, but neither of us really like it. But it actually pays well for a waitress. I'm just not an old movie person, really." Then he grinned. "But you are, aren't you, Mr. Film major?"

"Yeah," Link chuckled, smiling. "I was wondering if you'd want to go tonight."

"Sounds fun, but I can't," Mikau said. "I just got a call from my boss--he said if I don't make tonight I'll lose my job. I've been taking too many days off lately. But Saria could take you."

"I can't; I have book club," she said.

"Why don't you just give me directions?" Link suggested. "I could go by myself."

"You wouldn't mind being alone?" Mikau asked. "Because I can go almost any other time, really."

"Yeah, or me," Saria volunteered.

"I'll go again, but I'm just eager to check the place out," Link said, rubbing his hands together. "It sounds like fun."

"Okay, I can actually drop you off," Mikau said.

"You guys can eat lunch over here," Saria said. "Then you can continue on your tour of town, Link."

"All right," Mikau agreed.

------------Later That Night------------

"Here we are," Mikau said, coming to a stop in front of a dingy looking building. "Nice place, isn't it?"

"Sure," Link said, bending down to look at the place through the window. "Hmm. It's called 'Frankie's', eh? What an original name."

"Name of the dude who owns it," Mikau said, shrugging. "Ruto told me he wanted to sort of spoof the name of some old movie, but they just couldn't think of an idea in time. But they do have a suggestion box inside."

"Great," Link said, stepping out of the car. "I'll take a cab home, Mikau. Thanks for the ride, though."

"No problem," Mikau said. "See ya!" He reached across Link's seat to close the door, then waved good-bye and drove away.

Link walked along the edge of the diner, looking at all the posters plastered in the window. He smiled to himself, knowing that he knew all these movies and that several passersby's did not. Casablanca, It Happened One Night, there was even Little Women. Link cautiously walked up to the door, and looked up when he heard a tiny bell ring.

"Ah, great, more customers," Malon sighed, stepping into the open to take a look.

"Hey, don't complain, they usually tip big," said Ruto. She then bumped into Malon, who had come to a dead stop.

"Woah."

"What is it?" Zelda asked.

"Come here, girl!" Malon giggled, dragging Zelda by the elbow. "Take a look at that guy, and tell me he came here on purpose."

"Oh, you have got to be kidding me," Zelda gasped, staring as somebody led Link to a table by the window. "It's someone who's actually our age!"

"Zelda, he's sitting in your area!" Malon squealed. She pressed a menu into her friend's hand, and pushed her forward. "Go get 'im!"

"Aw, wait!" Zelda cried. "No!"

"What, you aren't getting cold feet are you?" Malon asked.

"When a cute guy actually comes into the place, I have to wear a mask!" Zelda whined, hitting herself on the head with the menu. "Curse you, stupid Halloween!"

"Wow, that sucks," Malon said flatly. "Maybe if you're lucky he'll come back."

"Yeah. Of course he will," Zelda said sarcastically. Sighing heavily, she attached a mask to her face and nervously walked towards Link. "Good evening, sir," she said.

"Well, if it isn't Liz Taylor," chuckled Link, looking up at her and immediately recognizing the face on the mask. "That's pretty good."

"Uh-huh," Zelda said. "I just always wondered how I would feel should she actually come in here some day and see me wearing this."

Link laughed. Zelda smiled, although he could see it. She was bursting to know why he was there and if he would ever come back, but she decided that was something she couldn't possibly ask a stranger.

But as she handed him the menu and she received a heart-melting smile, she couldn't help but plea to the Goddesses that she'd see him again--without wearing a mask.

-------------A/N--------------

Yeah, this is really weird, I already know that. And the whole mask thing is weird, too, I realize, but I didn't want Link to see Zelda right away. Why not? I don't know. But please review and tell me if this seems at all interesting!


	2. Someone sexy, you fool

A/N: bwa ha ha ha, yes! more of this zany craziness that i thought would only appeal to the classic movie fan such as myself! (plz prove me wrong...) Have fun reading, and i apologize for some of the randomness that goes on in this chapter

--------------------------

"So, how'd you like the restaurant?" Mikau asked when Link walked in the door later that night.

"It's awesome!" Link said, collapsing onto the couch. "Totally my kind of place."

"Was your waitress cute?" Mikau inquired with a sly grin.

"Well, if you would call Liz Taylor cute, then yeah," Link said.

Mikau paused for a moment, then he realized what Link had meant. "Oh yeah, I forgot. It's Halloween soon, so all of them wear masks all week. That sucks. You have to go back and see them all mask-less."

"Um...okay...."

"Where were you sitting? I could probably tell who your waitress was. I know each of their sections. And the only reason I know this is because one day I was really bored and Ruto kindly gave me a tour."

"Oh...kay...well, I was sitting sort of in a corner by a window, and there was a poster for 'Swing Time' and a publicity shot of Rita Hayworth on the wall next to me."

Mikau closed his eyes for a moment, picture the spot. Then he chuckled to himself. "Man, you lucked out. Zelda's your waitress."

"Zelda? Is that...good?"

"Quite so," Mikau sighed, getting off the chair he'd been occupying. "Don't tell my girlfriend I said this, but if I hadn't known Ruto longer, I'd definitely have asked Zelda out a long time ago. Want to see a picture of her?"

"Uh, no thanks. I think I'll just wait until after Halloween."

"Okay," Mikau said with a grin. "Maybe we can go tomorrow for breakfast. They make killer French toast."

"All right then."

-------------------

"So Zel, how'd the job go tonight?" Malon asked in a sing-song voice as she drove her friend home.

"Pretty good, I think," Zelda answered with a grin. "If I read his handwriting correctly on the check, his name is Link."

"Link? Weird name."

"Oh, like Malon isn't?"

"Shut up, ZELDA," Malon said with mock annoyance. "But if I were you, I wouldn't wear the Liz mask the next time he comes."

"He probably won't come back," Zelda said. She hesitated, then asked, "What's wrong with the Liz Taylor mask?"

"Dude, it looks retarded."

"He recognized who I was."

Malon sighed with annoyance. "Yes, yes, okay. But instead of going for someone classically beautiful, I think you should aim for sexy."

"Sexy?" Zelda asked uneasily.

"Yeah, sexy, girl!" Malon snapped. "OH! Brilliant idea! Halloween is in like, two days, right? Yeah, so the boss lets us wear costumes instead of masks on Halloween itself, so here's the idea." Grinning evilly, Malon put an old cassette on play and turned up the volume, giving Zel a hint.

Zelda frowned. "Isn't this that song what's-her-face Hayworth sings in that movie where she's stripping?"

"C'mon, Zelda, she wasn't stripping," Malon sighed impatiently. "I mean, it was made in 1946. All she did was shake her body seductively and pull off her gloves. So if you ask me, you should dye your hair brown and put on a lot of make up .... and then you can wear that sexy black dress she had in the movie."

"Hmmmm," Zelda said thoughtfully. "I guess it sounds like a plan to me. I've got a black dress at home that I never really wear anymore..."

"Oh yeah, the one you wore last year," Malon recalled. "I can cut off the sleeves for you, and make a slit going up one side." She smiled in anticipation. "This is gonna be so much fun!"

"Okay, so who're you going to be?" Zelda asked teasingly.

"Shirley Temple; I dunno."

"Ha, ha, ha."

Malon pulled up next to a small apartment and stopped. "Well, here you go, Zel. I'll see you tomorrow."

"See ya later, Shirley."

"I was JOKING."

----------------------

The next day, Malon called Zelda up before work.

"Hello?" Zelda sobbed.

"Zel? Are you crying?" Malon asked.

"This is dreadful! I haven't picked up a magazine or newspaper in four months, and this is what I find out! Marlon Brando, Virginia Grey, and Janet Leigh are all dead!!"

There was silence on the other end of the phone. "Were they...friends of yours?" Malon joked.

"Brando was the Godfather guy who could've been a contender. And Janet Leigh was the lady who got attacked in the shower in Psycho... and Virginia Grey was just some character actress and now she's dead and I'm SAD! WAAAAAAH!!!!"

"Oh dear," Malon sighed. "That's really sad, really, but I've got some good news for you, if you can bear it."

"What is it?" Zelda sniffed, wiping her face with a tissue.

"Well, you know that really hot guy you waited on last night?"

"Uh-huh..."

"Ruto said that he's rooming with Mikau, and that they're coming to our place for breakfast!"

"Are you freaking serious?" Zelda asked with intense gravity.

"Girl, I would not lie to you about something like this," Malon said. "And guess what else? I think Mr. Cutie will be around on the 31st to see you all dressed up in your glory--and afterwards. Won't it be nice to be able to face him as your regular, normal-looking self?"

"Hey, if he's friends with Mikau, why don't we just meet him off work?" Zelda asked excitedly.

"Zelda, you can't do that!" Malon informed her. "You've got to keep the relation-ship in _suspense_...you will be unmasked on November the first."

"No I won't, that's a Sunday. We're not open Sundays."

".....you will be unmasked on November the second."

Laughing, Zelda said, "Okay. I'll see you in a sec, Malon."

"You need a ride?"

"No, I'll get a cab. But thanks."

"Okay. See ya soon."

---------------------

Once she reached the restaurant, Zelda dashed into the back door (well, not INto it, but she opened it and went inside). She ran towards Malon, saying, "I'm afraid I have some tragic news."

"What is it?"

"I forgot that Liz Taylor mask at home, so I need a new one."

"Riiiight," Malon said, winking. "Here you go, then." She handed Zelda a new mask to put on.

She stared at it blankly. "Didn't you recommend that I should be somebody sexy?"

"Yeah..."

Zelda stared at the mask again. "Shirley Temple is sexy?"

"Did I give you that? Whoops, sorry," Malon laughed, taking the mask back. Then she mocked seriousness. "Of course, Shirley Temple is very hot and sexy. She just isn't quite your style. Here you are."

Zelda took the mask and looked at it. She rolled her eyes. "Of course. Who could be sexier than Scarlett O'Hara, the very epitome of such?"

"Her name is Vivien Leigh, smart one," Malon corrected her.

"I know that, thank you very much, Miss Film Major," Zelda said back. "But in case you didn't know, Scarlett O'Hara was her most famous character. In Gone With The Wind. So there, I DO know something about movies." She stuck her tongue out at Malon.

"Ha. Shut up and get to work."

"I think I'll do that, thank you very much."

--Meanwhile--

"Ready to go, Link?" Mikau asked, standing outside the bathroom.

"Yeah, I'll be there in just a sec," Link told him, looking in the mirror one more time. He held a bottle of hair gel in his hand, then shook his head and put it down. He ran his hands through his hair, making it a little messier, then grinned and opened the door. "How do I look?"

"Dude, you don't ask a guy that question," Mikau sighed. "People here in New York would probably get the wrong idea."

"But do you think what's-her-name will--"

"Yeah, yeah, I'm sure Zelda will think it's fine," Mikau interrupted him, throwing Link his leather jacket. "If I know anything about girls--which I do--they will go nuts over any guy in leather."

"Now all I need is a motorcycle, and I'll be the next James Dean," laughed Link, as they walked down the steps.

"As if," Mikau chuckled. He unlocked the car and got in. As Link sat down in the passenger's seat, he subconsciously turned on the radio. "I'm glad I found someone else who'll go to this restaurant with me. If I'm not by myself, I go with Saria. And, no offense, but she can get annoying if you're alone with her for too long."

Link laughed. "She doesn't seem that bad...I assume your other friends don't like good ole Frankie's that much?"

"No, not really," Mikau said. "I don't blame them. If Ruto didn't work there, I probably wouldn't have ever stepped in. I'm not the old fashioned kind of guy. The food's really great, but my friends won't listen to me. They refuse to go into a place that has pics of Judy Garland everywhere instead of say, Britney Spears."

"Dude, please don't mention that woman around me," Link groaned, putting a hand over his face. "I'm sick of hearing about her. Her and Paris Hilton."

"Yeah, me too."

The elf started to chuckle. "I was in an airport one time, waiting to get on the plane, and there was this group of like, teenagers sitting behind me--and it was really not that crowded, so they were talking pretty loud--and one of them stood up and said, 'Let's all reveal our biggest secrets to each other!'"

"Oh my Goddesses," snorted Mikau, grinning at Link's falsetto tone.

"Yeah, so one of them goes like, 'Okay, I confess: I am a secret Britney Spears fan!' And then all the rest of them are like, 'Oh, me too!' And then the sort of self-appointed leader says, 'You know what? I think we're ALL secret Britney Spears fans!'"

"Not anymore," laughed Mikau. "Now YOU know about it."

"It was so funny," Link said. He heard the song 'It's My Life' come onto the radio and he turned up. "Now if we want to talk about good music, I can talk No Doubt at any time. 'If I could buy my reasoning, I'd pay to lose...'" (A/N: that last sentence was a lyric for the song, for those of you who didn't know).

"I hear Gwen Stefani's making a solo album," said Mikau. "That should be pretty cool--even though I do love the band."

Once they pulled up to the restaurant, the music was blaring and they were both singing "IT'S MY LIFE! DON'T YOU FORGET!!" at the top of their lungs (and yes, several old people threw them disapproving looks as they walked by).

"Aw man, that is the greatest song ever written," laughed Mikau, turning off the car. "But I guess maybe next time we shouldn't be blasting it."

"Zelda, there's Mikau!" Malon squealed, running from the window she had been staring out of. "I've got door duty today, so I'll put in the same spot he was last time. You ready?"

"Do I look ready?"

"That's the spirit!"

"You're so lucky to have door duty," Zelda groaned, putting on her mask. "You don't have to wear these stupid things! Thanks to the stupid cycle we go in, it won't be my turn for another two weeks!"

"Sucks for you; now get going," Malon said quickly, shoving Zelda out of her way. She smiled when Mikau and Link stepped inside the door. "Hiya, Mikau!"

"Hey, Malon," Mikau said. He put an arm around Link. "This is my buddy Link. He'll be staying with me for a while."

"Link! Great to meet you!" Malon said enthusiastically, pumping his arm. "Follow me, right this way." She led the two of them to the table Link had had last night, then she grinned. "Leather, eh?" she asked, pinching the sleeve of Link's jacket. "If I know girls--which I do, since I am one--we go nuts over any guy in leather."

"Uh...yeah," Link said awkwardly, sitting down where Malon motioned for him to do so. She gave them both a menu, then skipped away.

"He's yours for the taking, Zelda," she giggled, stepping behind the bar to her friend. "Go get him!"

"No, not yet, I have to wait a second," Zelda said, pushing her mask onto her hair for a moment and checking herself in the mirror. "I need to give him a chance to settle down a bit, first."

Seventy seconds later, Malon saw Zelda staring glumly at herself in the mirror (still). "Zelda, go out there! Link's waiting for you!"

"But I look horrible!"

"ZELDA!"

"Oh, you're right, you're right," Zelda said, pulling her mask back down. She screamed when she saw her reflection. "AH! Woah, sorry. I was just scared that I looked in the mirror and it wasn't me...does the mask look okay?"

"Yeah, yeah, it's great, now get out there already!" Malon hissed, giving her friend a shove.

Inhaling deeply to calm herself, Zelda approached Mikau and Link's table. "Hello there, gentlemen."

"Hi, Zel...I mean, Scarlett?" Mikau said, trying to stop laughing.

"Shut up, Mikau," Zelda sighed, whacking him with her pad of paper. "Can I get you two something to drink?"

"I think I'll have coffee," Link said.

"Yeah, me too," Mikau said, trying to stop laughing.

"Okay, I'll be right back, then," Zelda said. She leaned closer to Mikau and said, "Just so you know, I'm giving you a really dirty look right now."

"So that was Zelda?" Link asked once she had walked away.

"Uh-huh," Mikau replied. "I can sort of get on her nerves some times."

"Yeah, I could tell," Link snorted.

Malon tapped Zelda's shoulder as she walked by with a tray that had coffee on it. "Zelda, he is so fine," she whispered. "And I have the perfect view, too."

"Watch it, he's mine!" Zelda joked.

She walked back to their table, poured the coffee, then walked away. While she let them (or rather Link) go through the menu, she stared contentedly at the green-clad dude from behind the counter.

--------------------

Author's Note: Okay, who here has seen/heard of Gone With The Wind??? Hm.... i guess more than whose heard of rita hayworth...anyway, plz review this! PLEASE!!


	3. Rita Hayworth Brown

A/N: oh my, it's been a while, hasn't it? ' this chapter's kind of random, but is has Link and Zelda's first meeting outside of work! So that's basically the highlight of this simple section of story!

--------------------

The next day found Zelda lounging around in Malon's living room, reading an English-Italian dictionary.

"Hey, here's a good one," Zelda called to Malon, who was in the bathroom. "_Mangio solo insetti_. It means 'I eat only insects.' Ew, sort of like those lollipops they sell with mealworms in them!"

"Zelda, gross!" Malon groaned, entering the living room. "That's sick. Now I swear I won't be able to eat breakfast."

"Sorry." Zelda put down the Italian dictionary and picked up a Chinese one. "Why the freak do you have one of these?"

"I've told you a hundred times," Malon sighed, plopping down on the couch next to her. "My mom majored in foreign languages. She has like ten thousand little dictionaries just like that, I swear."

"Really?" Zelda inquired, flipping through some of the pages. "Ha, ha..._wu mao wu fen tai gui le!_ Wow! That means 'fifty-five cents is too expensive.' ...why do I find that so amusing?"

"I really don't know," Malon said, giving Zelda a weird look as she was laughing rather hysterically. "But if you want me, I'll be in the kitchen making some toast. Want anything to eat?"

"Not really hungry," Zelda laughed. "I can pick up something at work."

A few moments later, Malon returned to the living room and raised an eyebrow at Zelda. She was lying upside-down on the couch, with her legs hanging over the top of it. "Malon, darling--why on earth are you standing on your head?"

"Okay hon, very funny," Malon said, as Zelda rolled over and righted herself. "C'mon, let's go get our Halloween shopping done."

"Um, shouldn't we be going to work?" Zelda inquired, getting to her feet.

"Zel, don't be a moron," Malon sighed. "We have afternoon shift today, don't you remember?"

"Oh yeah..."

So the two friends got into Malon's car and drove to the nearest store that sold stuff for all your hair-related needs. Once inside the Hair Care Emporium, they walked towards an aisle that sold hair spray.

"Hmmm," Zelda said very seriously, picking up various bottles of the spray. "Cow Splotch Brown; Mud Bath Russet; McDonald's Chocolate Brunette; Hickory Nut Brown ... geez, I just want to dye my hair, not start a freaking farm."

"Let's see what this one looks like," Malon said, picking up a bottle that read the simple words, "Deep Brown." She pushed on the aerosol button, but nothing came out. "This appears to not be spraying."

"You have to mix the stuff yourself," Zelda explained.

"Really? Why isn't already just in the bottle?"

"Because the vapors would combine and it would _explode_," Zelda said very matter-of-factly.

"Oh. Well, that certainly sounds like something I'd want seeping into _my_ scalp," Malon said, gingerly putting the can back on the shelf.

"Ha. This was your idea to dye my hair, anyway," Zelda pointed out.

"Hey, maybe we could find a _Rita Hayworth_ Brown," Malon joked. "That'd make things real easy."

"Yeah, it...wow."

"What?"

Zelda picked up a spray bottle that had been wedged in the dark back of the shelf. She showed it to Malon, and the label read "Rita Hayworth Brown."

"That's kind of _freaky_," Malon said, taking the bottle and reading the back. She shook it. "Geez, how old do you think this is?"

"It's been out ever since the special edition of 'Gilda' came out a few years ago," answered someone from behind them. Zelda and Malon turned and saw a rather attractive worker staring at them and the hair spray. He went on. "Our financiers heard a lot of women saying they wanted to look like Rita Hayworth, so he commanded that such a color be made. We were on backorder for six months. For some reason, even though no one wants it anymore, our company still makes it."

Zelda stared at him. "So...so this would work if I wanted to be Rita Hayworth for a Halloween party?"

"It's on the money," the worker confirmed.

"Great!" Zelda said, smiling. She looked over the bottle for a price stamp. "How much does this cost?"

The worker looked at them decisively for a moment, then grinned. "For the two of you, I'd say free."

Malon raised an eyebrow. "Any particular reason why?"

"Yeah!" Zelda sniffed, not quite liking the way the weird guy was looking at her. She sighed melodramatically and said, "Men always fall in love with Gilda, and wake up with me!!" Then she turned abruptly towards Malon and said, "C'mon Mal, he's giving us the stuff for free."

Before the worker could protest, they dashed out of store, laughing maniacally.

--A few minutes later--

"Phew, that went easier than I expected," Zelda sighed, as she and Malon walked into the latter's apartment. "Who would've thought? Rita Hayworth brown ... sheesh. You know, all this sort of makes me want to see that Gilda movie again."

Malon looked over her shoulder at the clock on the wall. "Well, we've still got three hours 'til we have to go to work .... want to go rent it?"

"YES!" Zelda yelled enthusiastically. She grabbed Malon's arm and ran towards the door. "C'mon, cowgirl, let's go!"

They jumped into Malon's jeep wrangler. As Malon backed out of the driveway, Zelda turned on the radio and started flipping stations.

"_So much for my happy ending--_"

"Ugh, please no," Malon sighed. "Switch the channel--that is most definitely Avril Lavigne's worst song."

"Okay..."

"--_dame de lo que te sombres umbe eh lean back, lean back, calderon--_"

"EW!" Zelda and Malon cried at the same time. Again, the station was changed. Zelda paused when she heard Evanescence's "Bring Me To Life." "Wow," she said. "This song is sort of old, isn't it?"

"I can't stand this kind of Satan-worshipping bands," Malon sighed, as she stopped at a red light. "I mean, if they're busy singing about wanting to die and haven't committed suicide yet, it shows they're just in it for the money like everyone else."

"Hmmm, I never looked at it that way before," Zelda noted, leaning forward again to change the station. "Geez, do you think we'll ever find something we like?"

And then they heard it:

"--_It doesn't matter what you wear, 'cause it's only gonna be...you and me there._"

"WOOH!" Zelda and Malon shouted, right on beat. The song, by the way, was Shania Twain's "Party For Two."

"Dude, this song rocks," Zelda laughed.

"Yeah...hey, where are we going again?"

"We're renting Gilda, remember?"

"Oh! Righto, gov'ner!" Malon said in a cockney accent, making a sharp left turn into the video rental place.

Everything was going along just dandy when they walked into the store. Then, rather abruptly, Malon grabbed Zelda's jacket collar and yanked her behind a shelf of tapes. The red-head clamped a hand over Zelda's mouth just as she yet out a small yelp; and shushed her.

"May, what _is _it?" Zelda asked, yanking herself out of Malon's grip.

Cautiously, Malon peeked over the row of shelves, then ducked back down. "Zelda, it's that dude. Like, that dude at the restaurant that you like. He's here."

"He's_ here?!_" Zelda asked. She stood up. "Where?"

"No," Malon said, pulling her friend back down. "Don't you remember our insidious plan? He's not supposed to know what you look like until after Halloween. You can't parade out there in the open like that! It'll blow your cover!"

"Malon, it's not like he knows who I am!" Zelda groaned. "What's wrong with the two of us just meandering around the aisles of the place?"

"Hm. Well, I suppose that'd be alright," Malon decided. "Of course, he might recognize me ... but whatever. Let's just go out there now and see if he even notices us."

"Oh, he'll notice us," Zelda assured her.

With that, the blonde strutted confidently out from behind her hiding place, swinging her hips in a very Mae West-like fashion.

"Zelda, stop. You look moronic," Malon said, attempting to cover a laugh.

"You're just jealous," Zelda said, sticking her tongue out and heading for the Drama section.

"Jealous of _what?_" Malon sputtered, catching up to her.

"Oh, my dear girl, please do stop," Zelda sighed. "Help me look for the Gs, will you, hon?"

"Um...sure."

Not faltering once in her step, Zelda walked slowly right past Link. She saw out of the corner of her eye that he had looked in her direction, albeit briefly.

"You sly little fox, you," Malon said, rolling her eyes.

"Yo, I'm not a sly little fox," Zelda informed Malon. She stiffened as Link walked past her and stopped not a foot away. She froze.

"Go on, Miss Independence," Malon muttered, nudging her.

"Hey, look what we have here," Zelda said rather loudly. She picked up a random tape. "This one's a classic, isn't it, Mal?"

"It sure is," Malon said, catching on and looking at the tape.

Link looked over and saw what they were holding. "Oh, 'His Girl Friday.' That's a great one."

"Oh yeah, it's hilarious," Zelda said, remembering Malon telling her once that it was a comedy.

"Um, yes, it is," Malon said, taking the case. "Which would not make a good explanation as to why it is in the Drama section." She raised an eyebrow. "I'll be right back; I'll go tell a worker this was mishelved."

"I've noticed the workers around here have been getting lazy," Link said, picking up a tape now and then, and reading the cover.

"Mm," Zelda mumbled in agreement, suddenly finding speech a hard thing to do. "I, uh ... come here a lot."

"Me too," Link said, giving her a weird look. _Okay, I think that I've definitely heard her voice somewhere before_..._come to think of it, I've seen that red-head. Did she work at that place where I ate yesterday?_ His thoughts were interrupted when Zelda spoke again.

"Oh, here we go," she said, spotting 'Gilda' and picking it up.

"Good choice," Link approved, entirely forgetting the conversation he'd just had with himself in his head. "Great example of film noir."

"They don't make 'em like they used to, do they?" Zelda sighed.

"Nope."

"Well, I'd best be going. If my friend and I don't leave soon, I'll make her late for her work shift."

"Oh...okay... um, bye then."

"Good-bye."

Feeling quite awkward, Zelda found Malon and dragged her to the cash register.

"Oh my gosh," Zelda whispered. "I can so totally not wait until November."

"Heh, heh, heh!" Malon snickered, rubbing her hands together.

"Woah, what's up with the evil laughter?" Zelda asked, taking a small step away from Malon.

"I don't know."

"......"

--At Mikau's house--

"Dude, what took you so long?" Mikau asked, when he heard Link come in through the front door. "How much time does it take to go into a rental store and pick up one movie?"

"Sorry, I sort of got distracted," Link sighed, putting Mikau's tape on the table.

"Oi. Did you get lost in the classics section again?"

"No, not really," Link answered. "I just paused to have a conversation with some girl who was standing next to me."

"Ohhh," Mikau said, arching his eyebrows slyly. "'Some girl,' eh?"

"Yeah, and I think she was with your friend, Malon," Link said. "At first I thought she might've been my waitress, but..."

"But what?"

"Well, she said they had to hurry, because if they didn't watch their movie in time, she'd make Malon late for work."

"Oh. I see."

"Yes."

There was silence between the two of them for a moment, then they both went into the living room to watch The Lord Of The Rings Trilogy.

---------------------------------------

A/N: gosh, it takes me so long to update stuff! people probably want to kill me for taking so long on a lot of things... anyway, I hope that chapter wasn't too boring! And sorry I got on a rant with the songs in the car. it was just one of those things I had to do, you know? anyway, please review!

and p.s. CLARK GABLE rhett butler IS _NOT_ UGLY!!!!


	4. The Bar Fight

A/N: wow, been a bit of a while, eh? Anyway, this chapter's sort of long, but not as long as it looks, b/c I'm adding my thank you s to the reviewers at the end, so... hope u like it!

--------------------------------

_"Gilda, are you decent?" came the voice of the older man as he knocked lightly on her open door._

_"Who, me?" asked his beautiful wife, straightening and flipping her hair behind her shoulders._

"Wooooah, that was most definitely one hot entrance," Malon remarked. "As Madonna once said, Rita Hayworth had face."

"Mmmm, I agree," Zelda said, sipping the last bit of her Pepsi Cola out of a can. "Of course, that Glenn Ford is pretty smokin' too."

"Ewww, are you kidding?" Malon cried. "He's so...unattractive!"

"Call it what you like," Zelda said. "I mean he's no Link, but he'll do."

"Hmmm, that reminds me," Malon muttered, getting to her feet and walking behind Zelda. She shut one eye, peering at Hayworth on screen, then glancing down at Zelda's hair part. "That do is gonna look interesting on you, Zelda."

"Gee, thanks," Zelda said sarcastically.

"No, I mean good interesting," Malon elaborated. "Link will be in love at first sight when he sees you."

"He's already seen me," Zelda pointed out.

"Ahh, that may be so, but you were grungy and not in the appropriate attire when he saw you," Malon said back. "Ha, ha! Yeah...." She glanced at the clock. "I'll be right back; I've gotta make a phone call." Malon crossed into the dining room and as she dialed the number, she called out, "Stop the tape for a minute, will ya?"

"Sure," Zelda replied, pressing stop and starting to channel surf.

Malon tapped her foot impatiently as the phone on the other line rang. And rang. And rang. _Pick up!! _she thought angrily to herself, shutting the dining room door.

"Hello; you've reached me. Mikau. I'm either watching football on TV or I'm not home. Please leave your name, number, and message after the beep. Thank you!"

Mikau, however, was not watching football, nor was he not at home. As mentioned in the previous chapter, he and Link were busy watching Lord of the Rings. When they'd heard the phone ring and Link asked if one of them should answer, Mikau had said to let the machine pick it up. And it did.

"MIKAU!" shrieked Malon's voice from the answering machine, causing both men to jump up. "**_Pick up the_** (**_bleep_**)**_ing phone before I_** (**_bleep_**)**_ing_** **_send a missile to your house to blow you up, you_** (**_bleep_**)**_ing_** (**_BLEEP_**)!!"

"Woah, who is _that_?!" Link asked as Mikau ran to get the phone.

"My psychotic ex-girlfriend," Mikau sighed. "Pause it for a sec, will ya?"

"Mm-hm."

"Malon!" Mikau hissed, walking briskly into the kitchen. "What the crap is wrong with you?!"

"I have to ask you something important," Malon responded. "I figured the only way to talk to you right now was by screaming and cussing."

"Well _what_?!"

Malon snickered evilly into the receiver. "Zelda and I just went to the video store and we saw you little pal Link there."

"Oh you did, eh?" Mikau asked. "That's what he said. Well, I mean he said that he saw you and your 'friend,' but he didn't exactly recognize Zelda. But then, he wouldn't have, would he? Seeing as how he hasn't really _seen_ her before..."

"Did he use any adjectives to describe her?" Malon asked. "You know... all the words you used to use to describe me?"

"Get over it Malon," Mikau said. "But no, he didn't get into details. But I could tell she distracted him."

"Cool! I'm trying to set those two up."

"Really? I couldn't tell."

"Ha, ha."

Mikau glanced over his shoulder and saw Link stare blankly at the frozen image in front of him. "Look, I gotta go now. Link's waiting for me; we're watching the Lord of the Rings."

"Sounds real fun," Malon drawled. "Bye."

"Bye."

After hanging up, Malon suspiciously walked back into the living room. "Zelda? Did you hear any of that conversation I just had?"

"No," Zelda said. "Your dining room is sound-proof, remember? You could've been screaming and cussing your head off, and I would never have known."

"Um...right," Malon said, taking her seat back on the couch.

"Why, were you saying something you didn't want me to overhear?" Zelda asked in a sweet tone.

"Hey, who wants their phone conversations to get overheard?" Malon snapped. "Sheesh, Zelda! You're so skeptical! .... hey, what is this you're watching, anyway?"

"I dunno, something on TCM," Zelda replied nonchalantly, returning her gaze towards the TV screen.

"Woah! Call NBC, folks! Zelda Harkinian is _actually watching a black and white movie!!_ It's a breakthrough!"

"Shut up," Zelda said irritably. "I've watched black and white movies before."

"...Zelda Harkinian is actually watching a black and white movie--_of her own free will!_" Malon offered.

"Now that's a first," Zelda admitted. "I don't even know what this is called."

Malon squinted and looked closer at the screen. "Hmm... Ethel Barrymore, Cary Grant .... yes! This is _None But The Lonely Hearts_!"

"Only you would know that," Zelda sighed, rolling her eyes. "Anyway, I'm only watching it because Cary Grant or whoever is really steamy. Hey wait, Ethel _Barrymore_? As in the Ethel Barrymore theater? As in is she related to Drew??"

"Well, duh!" Malon said. "Drew Barrymore is a direct relative of the late--"

"Here we go," Zelda sighed.

"--Lionel, Ethel, John, and John Drew Barrymore," Malon finished. "You may recognize Lionel as Mr. Potter in that Christmas movie you like, the name of which has escaped me right now." (that movie being It's A Wonderful Life, of course!)

"Well don't look at me to help you out," Zelda said, pressing play on the remote. "Hey, Malon..."

"Yeah?"

"Um, we're watching a black and white movie right now. _Gilda_. And I'm watching it of my own free will." Zelda laughed when Malon frowned at this obvious fact. "Ohhh! What now?!"

"Quiet," Malon hushed her.

----Meanwhile, at Mikau's house----

"So who exactly was that on the phone?" Link asked Mikau, who had stayed in the kitchen to make popcorn.

"I told you, my ex-girlfriend," Mikau said back. "That's all you need to know. Well I mean ... she's the redhead who works at Frankie's and the redhead that you saw at the video rental place today."

"Oh, wow," Link said. "She's gorgeous! Why'd you dump her?"

"There's more to this world than looks, Link," Mikau said. "Geez, how shallow can you get?"

"I'm not shal--"

"Our personalities just clashed, okay? That's all," Mikau interrupted him. "Break ups happen all the time."

"Yeah." Link decided that asking why she had called would be pushing it, so he remained silent. "Dude, hurry up! I've been staring at this weird picture of Bilbo for like ten minutes! He's freaking me out!"

"Instead of making an equally crude comment to that crude statement, I will amaze you with my knowledge of movies," Mikau boasted. "That dude who plays Bilbo--"

"--whose name is Ian Holm--"

"What_ever_; he was in _The Day After Tomorrow_. That had Jake Gyllenhaal and Dennis Quaid in it. Oooh, what now, sucker??"

"That movie also had Tamlyn Tomita in it," Link added. "Who played Waverly Jong in _The Joy Luck Club_, which also starred Ming-Na Wen as Jing-Mei, who was the speaking voice of the title character in _Mulan_, which also had Eddie Murph--"

"OKAY," Mikau said loudly, re-entering the living room. "Thanks for lowering my self-esteem, Link. You film majors have a way of doing that. Here's the stupid popcorn, are you happy?"

"Quite," Link said with a grin.

"So after we finish these epic films, what say you to going down to Frankie's for dinner?" Mikau asked.

"Sounds good to me."

"Cool."

-----That Night--

"Malon! Help me!" Zelda cried, bursting through the back door of Frankie's.

"What is it?" Malon asked, tying the back of Ruto's apron.

"I can't find the Scarlett O'Hara mask," Zelda answered. "And it was brand new! Boss is gonna kill me!"

"Don't sweat it," Ruto said to the hyperventilating Zelda. "One time I left my Veronica Lake mask at home and my dad saw it and put it up for auction on eBay. It was half-way to Thailand before I even found it what had happened to it. And did the boss find out? No. Cool it, we'll just have to find you another mask."

"Right...thanks," Zelda sighed, as Ruto walked off. "But man, Malon! This'll be the third time in like two days that I've changed my mask!"

"No biggie," Malon said. "We'll find something for you, c'mon." She bent down and heaved a large box out from underneath the counter. "Let's see what we can find."

"How about Mae West?" Zelda asked, pulling a mask out of the box.

"Are you kidding?" Malon chuckled. She gave Zelda a stare, then put the mask back. "All the old folks out there would boo you. West's body was your opposite."

"She was a _man?!_" Zelda gasped.

"NO!" Malon said almost too quickly, indignantly snatching the mask out of her friend's hands. "I think that qualified as your dumb blonde question of the week! What I meant was that you're not buxom enough to play dress up as her."

"Whaddya mean, I'm not buxom enough?" Zelda asked with a frown.

"It _means_ you're too thin," Malon said. "Mae West was appealingly steamy in her days, but you don't get women like that anymore on magazine covers. Unless you try to picture Anna Nicole Smith in her previous days as a somewhat less thinner gal."

"Whatever," Zelda said, shaking her head. "Let's just pick out a mask already! My shift started four minutes ago!"

"All right, all right, keep your pants on!" Malon said hastily, going through the box. "Sheesh, it's not like there are actually people here _waiting_ for you!"

That's where Malon was wrong.

"My, my, would you look at the time?" Mikau said, stealing a peak at his watch. "Zelda's shift started four minutes ago and she's not here yet! How inexcusable!"

"Dude, your sarcasm is so stupid," Link sighed. "Like you've never been four minutes late to a place before."

"Ah, shut up."

"OH! Here we go, Zelda!" Malon said, yanking a mask out of the bottom of the box. "This is perfect for you!"

"Marlene Dietrich?" Zelda said, reading the name off the back. "Why is that name so familiar? ... oh yeah, was she the one that German one Hitler wanted to use for his Nazi propaganda movies but she said no and became like a spy for the U.S.?"

"Yes! That's her," Malon said. "The old people love 'er. Go on, put it on."

"Okay," Zelda sighed, stepping in front of a mirror and putting the mask in place. "There. Do I look retarded enough now?"

"You look fine, honey," Malon said. "Now go on and move, I think I saw your little valentine out there."

"You did?!"

"Yes."

"Malon, why didn't you--!"

"Just go!"

"FINE!"

Zelda inhaled deeply to steady herself. Then she gracefully walked out from behind the bar and into the diner. Spotting Link and Mikau, she headed towards them in as sultry a manner as possible.

"Hey, _waitress_, you're late," Mikau teased her.

"Shut up, Mikau," Zelda sighed. She was in no mood for Mikau's jokes right now for more reason than one: he annoyed her in the first place, she'd been made late for work because of slow traffic which had also ended up costing her with the taxi she'd taken, she'd lost the Scarlett O'Hara mask, and it was also that time of month again. Needless to say, now was not a good time to offend her.

"Marlene Dietrich," Link said suddenly, giving her a cute smile. "That's great."

"Yeah, but you have to wonder sometimes," Mikau said, purposefully ignoring Zelda and staring at Link. "Do these waitresses really know whose faces they're wearing, or are they so uneducated and uncaring that they don't even notice?"

"Um...Mikau?" Link said. "You're sort of " _And not making sense_, he thought to himself.

"You know Marlene Dietrich got in Hollywood because of the casting couch, right? Hey, I was just wondering, how did _you_ get your job here?" Mikau asked Zelda, giving her a jerk-like kind of grin.

"THAT IS _IT_, YOU CREEP!" Zelda screamed, throwing down her little notepad and pen. Then, without a word of warning, she grabbed Mikau's jacket collar and flung him out of the booth. "I've had enough of your suggestive, snide little comments and your vulgar insults!! It's time you paid for it!" she cried, batting him with her fists.

"Woah, woah, calm down!" Mikau said. He firmly put a hand on her forehead and distanced himself. He didn't quite make it out of the way, however, when she aimed a kick for his stomach.

By this time, the old people in the diner had crowded around to watch Marlene Dietrich beat the living pulp out of this guy.

"Wow!" one of them said. "It's a re-enactment of the scene where she kicks Jimmy Stewart in _Destry Rides Again_!"

"Go, Ms. Dietrich!" cheered another.

The fight stopped a few moments later when Frankie of Frankie's stepped into the throng of people. He glared down at his waitress, who, at the moment, had an innocent looking customer in a head-lock. "Ms. Dietrich," he said. "Come with me."

Standing up slowly, Zelda followed Frankie into the kitchen.

"Way to go, dumbbell!" Link said, slapping Mikau upside the head when he came back into the booth. "You might get that kid fired!"

"What?! Dude, she attacked me!"

"And rightfully so, after the way you provoked her!" Link said. He got to his feet. "I can't just sit by and let her lose her job!"

"Well aren't you nice," Mikau snorted, rubbing the spot Zelda had kicked.

--In the Kitchen--

"What _was _that?!" Frankie yelled. "Since when do I let my waitresses go around attacking customers?!"

"Um, Sir, with all due respect, he provok--"

Frankie interrupted her with a deep sigh as he looked down at the Dietrich mask in his hand. He looked up at Zelda. "Listen, Zelda, one thing to remember: the customer is always right. Remember that the next time you apply for a job waiting tables."

"Sir?"

"You're fired!"

Just then, Malon entered the kitchen melodramatically. "Zelda! Get that mask back on!" she hissed.

"Why?"

"The kitchen is about to have its first non-personnel person walk through its doors," she answered through clenched teeth.

"Oh!" Zelda quickly took the mask back from Frankie and put it back on. "Okay, let him in, I guess."

Nodding, Malon reached outside the door and pulled in Link.

"Um, Malon," Frankie said awkwardly. "Zelda and I are having a, um... kind of private conversation."

"The customer said he needed to speak to you," Malon said, pushing Link forward. "And the customer is always right, right?" Turning swiftly on her heel, the redhead walked defiantly out of the kitchen.

"Umm... this is kind of awkward," Link said, rubbing the back of his neck with his hand. "But I couldn't help overhearing that you're going to fire this ... this girl. My friend that she sort of beat up--yeah, he really had it coming. He was sort of being a little sickeningly rude and disrespectful, to say the least."

"Oh, well um..." Frankie cleared his throat. "Be that as it may..."

Malon, who was boredly standing by the cash register chewing gum and reading a newspaper, suddenly looked forward and noticed a bunch of people trying to look over her shoulder into the kitchen.

"Can I help you?" Malon asked, blowing a large bubble and letting it pop loudly.

"Why aren't you wearing a mask?" asked one shriveled old man.

Rolling her eyes, Malon turned around and dragged a mask off the counter. She turned around with a Judy Garland mask on her face and asked, "Can I help you?"

"Is Marlene Dietrich going to get fired?" a timorous old woman inquired.

"Uhhh, I think she is," Malon answered.

"I'd like to have a word with your manager, young woman!"

"Um, all right."

Malon kicked open the kitchen door. "Yo, boss?"

"What?" Frankie asked, seemingly annoyed at the disruption.

"Before you fire Zel... I mean Ms. Dietrich, I think you should hear what your number one customers have to say."

Frankie grumpily walked out of the kitchen. "Listen, folks, right now I'm in the middle of a very important--"

"If you fire that girl, I'll never come here again!" interjected one little soul.

"Me neither! I'll boycott!" called out another.

"She gave us some of the best entertainment we ever had around here!" yelled yet another. "I overheard that guy she slugged; he was a jerk if I ever saw one!"

"Yeah, and he was _ugly_, too!" cried an old lady.

"Hey!" Mikau protested, un-heard from his booth.

Frankie stared in disbelief as the old people all started yelling him things at the same time. Threats to never come to the diner again, threats to egg his car, threats on his life, and threats to tell his mother he was being mean to a young girl.

"All right, all right!" he finally shouted, holding his hands up for quiet. "ZELDA! Get your butt out here!"

"Yes, sir?" Zelda asked quietly, coming out of the kitchen.

"Step out of line once more, and you're really fired," he growled. "But due to popular demand, I'm going to let it slide this time."

Zelda's eyebrows rose in surprise, and the diner's population cheered with joy. Malon laughed and put an arm around her masked friend. "The old people saved you from unemployment!"

"Wow, old people rock!" Zelda said. "You like me!" she said to her audience. "You _really_ like me!"

Link tried to sneak unnoticed back to his booth, but Zelda grabbed his arm on his way out. "Thanks for helping to bail me out."

"Only trying to do my part," Link said. He patted her on the shoulder, then made his way to Mikau to lecture him on manners.

"What a perfect guy!" Zelda sighed dreamily. "Catch me, Malon, I think I'm going to faint!"

Malon, thinking Zelda was joking, stayed where she was. She jumped when she heard a loud crash; and turned to see Zelda lying in rather an uncomfortable looking position on the floor.

"Dude, what'd you do that for?" Malon asked, not making a move to help Zelda get to her feet.

"I _told_ you to catch me!"

"I thought you were joking!"

Malon suddenly made a sound of disgust. "Ewww_www!_ Oh my Goddesses!"

"Oh, what?" Zelda asked, grabbing a nearby cart to help her stand up.

"I just blew a bubble with my mask on!" Malon groaned.

"Ha, ha!!"

And the evening ended with both of them laughing at each other.

------------------------

A/N: yeah, sorry that was so random. you'll just have to deal! Oh and as for Malon calling Mikau a (bleep)ing bleep and all that, that was the suggestion of one of my fellow writers. the only thing is that she wanted to make me really write the curse words and I said no way 'cause this PG so she made me put up the bleeps. and now to thank all you people who make this story worth writing:

**Moonbeam**: Thanks for your review(s). I'll keep writing if you'll keep reviewing! Except maybe I'll stop "Don't Abandon Me", because you don't seem open to the idea that I might change Marth into a jerk who dumps Zelda when she becomes Mormon!...which is what I was planning on doing! Geez, I would never keep her with him!

**Jo**: Cool, your gramps has a poster from WWII of her?! Hot!

**Kurian Girl**: Glad you liked the Rita Hayworth Brown thing. I just decided to be random and have something like that in there! Your review was inspiring, you're so nice! thanks! (by the way, are you Korean, or are you just like... spelling your name like that?)

**Kitty and Kurry**: Thanks for the excellent review! It makes me feel special! Oh and thanks for praising my title! I love it, too!

**nephele**: that's so cool that you like old movies!! that makes me happy that you appreciate this fic! do you recognize any of the names or movies I'm using?

**oOoDancingQueenoOo**: yes, Avril Lavigne rocks!! She's by far my favorite artist (Nobody's Home is my fav. of her songs). Evanescence is okay... glad that u say this is awesomely awesome!! Thank you so very much!!

**Tessyboos**: Yeah, well that goes double, sister!! I got your letter, by the way.

**Sakurelle**: I love getting reviews from you! Heh, heh, heh, yes. Link IS going to be surprised when he finally sees Zelda!

**zelda's baby girl**: Hey, right back at ya! I'm glad my update made your day, because I know how that feels! I love you, too!

**Hylian Princess**: You understand that Chinese?! Awesome! I take it in school, which is how I knew it. XD I love your stories too, so update A.S.A.P!!

**Atchika**: What were you beginning to wonder about? and yes, the chewy, cream-filled kind ARE good, aren't they? Thanks for the thoughtful review!

**linkmaster27**: Thank you! I will!

**Avalon Estel**: It's not weird?? YAY! Yes, I think the title will be explained at some point or another. I hope.

**tomo 231**: glad you "loved" this! About the zora thing... yeah, they look like Zoras.


	5. Veronica Lake? and sean penn's hair

A/N: Howdy, everyone! It's been a tad bit of a while, so I've updated this. Obviously. I hope it isn't too long and tedious! Au revoir!

October 30th

"Zelda, I feel like going to the movies," Malon stated the next day. "And I'm gonna feel like a total loser if I go alone."

"Well, sucks for you," Zelda said mercilessly, putting on a light denim jacket. "Tomorrow is Halloween, and I seriously need time to get my costume ready."

"Dude! Come on! One movie will hardly take up too much of your time," Malon said. "Please just come with me. Please."

"Well…what're you going to see?" Zelda sighed.

"I was thinking maybe _Million Dollar Baby_," Malon answered hopefully.

"Is that the one about the girl boxer with Clint Eastwood?"

"Um, well, he doesn't play the girl boxer, but yes, he was in it," Malon replied. "Does that hold any interest in you at all? Huh? Huh?"

"Um….no. Besides, that's gone by now."

"No it's not! I checked the Cinema downtown."

Zelda sighed. "I'll go to the movies with you on two conditions: First, you help me out with my costume, and second, we don't see Million Dollar Baby."

"You drive a hard bargain Zel, but you've got a deal," Malon agreed, getting up off her couch. "So where's that black dress you wore last year?"

"It's in this closet somewhere…"

"Geez, this thing is a mess!" Malon cried, rummaging through the many dresses. "How d'you expect to find anything?"

"I don't know, especially when it's so dark…but I know there's a cord in here somewhere that's attatched to a lightbulb. Try and find it."

"I can't, I'm being suffocated by something leather!" Malon said in a muffled voice. She reached blindly out for a cord, and felt it. "Hey, I think I got it!" She pulled hard.

"OUCH! MALON YOU IDIOT, THAT WAS MY HAIR!" Zelda shouted in pain. "I have the cord in my hand here!" She pulled on it, and but nothing happened. She kept pulling, but no light went on. "Great, it must be out."

"Sorry about your hair," Malon squeaked apologetically.

"It's okay," Zelda said. "Say, I think I got the dress." She yanked herself out of the closet and looked at the apparel on the hanger she'd grabbed. "Yeah, I got it! You can come out of the closet now, Malon."

The red-head got out of the closet (albeit with difficulty), blowing hair out of her face. "Wow, that's nicer than I remember it being."

"Um…thanks?"

"Yeah. Get me a pair of scissors, will you?"

"Sure."

Zelda handed Malon the scissors, and the red-head closed one eye as she lay down the dress and ran her hand down one side. "Hmmmm…" She picked it up and tossed it at Zelda. "Go put this on. AND HURRY!"

"Umm, okay," Zelda said, taking the dress and walking into the bathroom. Malon picked up the phone while she was waiting.

A few minutes later, Zelda walked back into the living room, clad in her black dress. Malon hung up her phone and grinned. "How divine you look!" she cackled. "Now you have to make sure you stand perfectly still whilst I do the next step."

"Which is what, exactly?" Zelda asked nervously.

Malon picked up the scissors and snapped them evilly. She bent down on the floor and grabbed the bottom of Zelda's dress. "You'd better watch your leg." Then she slowly and carefully started to cut upwards in an amazingly straight line.

"Say, don't you think we could've had a professional do this?" Zelda asked.

"What, you don't trust me?" Malon asked, starting up from the other side. "Geez, don't worry, it'll be fine. And don't shake so much, you'll make me mess up!"

"Sorry!"

"Ah, there we go!" Malon said. She victoriously held a up a long, triangular scrap of the dress. "You were never going to wear this again, right?"

"Not really," Zelda sighed. She frowned and fingered the fabric of the dress. "I think you cut this too high!"

"Don't speak such tosh, Zel," Malon scoffed, getting to her feet. "It's perfect. Just like Rita would've done."

"I'm sure," Zelda growled through her teeth.

"And now for those sleeves," Malon said, eyeing the parts of the dress.

"What? Not my sleeves!" Zelda cried.

"Why the heck not? You agreed to it the night I brought it up," Malon said. "Besides, you know those old people. They'll run you out of town if you're trying to be Gilda and your dress has sleeves!"

"Stupid old people!" Zelda groaned. "But I don't think this dress will be able to stand up by itself! I mean, what if it like, you know—"

"It won't," Malon interrupted her. "Don't worry. I've actually done this before, believe it or not. Twice."

"Really?" Zelda asked.

"Yes," Malon replied. She raised an eyebrow. "Besides, your sleeves are really weird. If it weren't for the strands at the bottom connecting them to the dress, they might as well be arm socks or whatever."

"That reminds me!" Zelda moaned. "Gloves! I need a pair of gloves that reaches to like, my elbows!"

"Don't worry, I took care of it last night," Malon said, snipping off Zelda's sleeves. "There, now was that so bad? No. We're going to have to kind of change your hair—make it wavier, I mean."

"Okay," Zelda said, as Malon put away the scissors. "By the way, I heard you on the phone before. Who were you talking to?"

"I was just getting movie times," Malon replied. "I don't care what you say, but you and I are seeing _The Interpreter_ in forty-five minutes."

Zelda gasped loudly. "I've been waiting to see that since June! Ever since I got this edition of People magazine and I was looking at the Star track or whatever, and they had this picture of Nicole Kidman on a motorcycle and the caption said—"

"Yes, yes, thank you, that's great," Malon said, clearing her throat. "I'm just excited to see it because of Sean Penn!"

"OH my Goddesses, Sean Penn's hair!" Zelda said. Both of them started to fan themselves in faux excitement.

"Okay, but you can't go to the movies looking like that," Malon eventually figured out. "But before you change out of that dress, put these on." She tossed Zelda a pair of elbow-length black gloves.

"Oooh, if I may say so myself, I look good!" Zelda said, glancing at herself in a full-view mirror. "Wow, I can't wait to dye my hair and make it all official and stuff."

"Hee hee, I know!" Malon laughed. She jumped when the phone rang. "Someday remind me to make that ring softer!" She picked it up. "Hello? … oh, hi, boss!"

"What does he want?" Zelda asked quickly.

Malon shushed her. "Mm-hm…well of course I know it's Halloween tomorrow, sir! What kind of slacker do you take me f… oh no, Elise is sick? That's too bad… yeah, I know." Her eyes widened. "NO! NO, we can't do that sir!"

"What's wrong?" Zelda hissed.

"He wants you to take Valerie's place as Veronica Lake tomorrow," Malon answered, putting her hand over the receiver. "You're the only other blonde he's got! But you can't, you're Rita!... oh, sorry, boss!" (she quickly went back to the phone). "Zelda and I already planned that she could be Rita Hayworth, you know…" She gasped again in shock. "Red hair! No, it's brown!"

"No wait, for some reason I remember her having red hair in some movie," Zelda recalled. "That sucks. Why would some store be selling 'Rita Hayworth Brown' if her hair wasn't brown?"

"HER HAIR IS BROWN IN _GILDA_, SIR!" Malon roared. "… yes, thank you for agreeing with me! Zelda's got to go as Rita because if she doesn't, our plans will be ruined!" She was silent for a very long time, and Zelda was sure she was getting a lecture. "But—but sir, I… well could she be both? She could start out as Rita and then switch to Veronica…" Another long silence. A smile of relief soon spread on Malon's face. "Thanks, boss. Yeah. We'll be there tonight; bye."

"Would you mind telling me what it is you just me to?" Zelda asked politely as Malon turned the phone off.

"Okay, here's the low-down," Malon said. "You're going to start off the evening in this beautiful costume I just made for you. You do your little song, then come back to the staff bathroom. We wash the dye out of your hair, style it over one eye, change your dress, and then you'll have your stint as Veronica Lake!"

"Who IS Veronica Lake, anyway?" Zelda demanded.

"You'll love her, she's great," Malon said. "Her hairdo will be easy, and it doesn't matter what kind of dress we put you in."

"Halloween is going to be a tiring night," Zelda sighed, tugging off her gloves.

"For you and me both," Malon said. "Since I was lazy and couldn't think of someone to be for Halloween, I got assigned to setting the place up tomorrow. It's going to be like hell all day."

"Ha, ha, ha, I almost feel sorry for you!" Zelda giggled. "But I still think my situation is more irritating. I mean, I was planning on hanging around Link after my Rita performance, but now I'll have to go be nice to old people dressed up as some weirdo I've never even heard of before!"

"You know, few people have heard of Rita Hayworth and not Veronica Lake," Malon said, shoving Zelda towards the bathroom. "You're quite strange, you know."

"Wow, thanks a lot," Zelda said sarcastically.

"No problem."

Meanwhile-

"Okay, so there's a showing of _The Interpreter _in about forty minutes from now," Link said, checking his watch. "Wanna go?"

"Naw," Mikau said, waving his hand from the couch. "I wanna finish this season of Family Guy first."

Link rolled his eyes. He couldn't stand that show. "Well, it's showing at six, too."

"Great, let's go then."

"Okay…"

Shoot. They almost went to the same movie.

Approxiamately thirty minutes later-

"I thought we'd run by the video store after we see the movie," Malon said at a red light.

"Why?"

"So we can get a Veronica Lake movie or too," Malon replied casually.

"This is so annoying! You get to show me all those old movies you always wanted to because if I don't see them and I don't know exactly how to act, I'll be known as an inexperienced phony and subsequently fired!"

"It's not like this was the only place you could've worked, you know," Malon said. "There are plenty of other jobs out there."

"Frankie's was the only place that need help," Zelda said. "Other than a certain racist, annoying clothing company that I would never in my life work for. Besides, I wanted to be around someone I knew."

"How sweet!" Malon gushed. "And you know, from I what I heard from Mikau, Link is quite the old movie person."

"That will have to be remedied," Zelda said. "But I kind of figured that out, seeing as how he actually_ came_ to our restaurant. Of his own free will, so it seemed."

"Yeah, but you'll have to keep your eye on him," Malon said, turning into the cinema parking lot. "I also heard that Mikau's neighbor kind of has the hots for him."

Zelda looked disgusted. "Grandma feeny?"

"NO, you nimrod!" Malon snapped. "Saria!"

"SARIA?" Zelda exclaimed. "No way am I going to lose Link to that pathetic little nobody!"

"That's not very nice, Zelda," Malon remarked. "Besides, you know what Saria is like. She's so shy around guys. I remember one time she wouldn't even ask to borrow a pencil from Benjamin Jayson because she was too shy."

"But, ew. Ben was such a geek," Zelda said. "How could she be embarrassed or anything around him?"

Malon shrugged. "I dunno. Some people just have problems like that, I guess."

"Wow. That must suck."

"Yeah."

Anyhow, they eventually left the theater roughly two hours later-

"Omigosh, Sean Penn was amazing in that movie," Zelda sighed. She stepped into the passenger side of Malon's jeep. "Especially his hair. It reminded me of Link's."

"I was just gonna say that!" Malon laughed. "Sean Penn is like wine, I think he gets better with age. I want to fluff his hair!"

"Me too!"

"Of course, Kidman was all right as well…"

"Yah."

They pulled into the lot near the video store. Malon put her hands in her back pocket and kicked Zelda's leg. "Try not to look so miserable. Your expression makes it seem as if it's the end of the world."

"Sorry."

"That's all right."

They ended up getting four movies and then quickly went back to the car. Zelda

examined the cases as Malon backed out of the lot. "Hmmm…_ Sullivan's Travels_, _I Married A Witch, This Gun For Hire,_ and _So Proudly We Hail_, eh? That last one sounds kind of corny."

"Yeah, well, it's not," was Malon's brilliant response. "It's about World War II nurses, so you should like it."

"Great, just what I need. A history lesson."

"Ha."

Once they got home from work that night, Malon put one of the movies into the VCR. "Okay Zelda, we're going to practice tomorrow's routine now. Go put on the dress."

"Ma'am yes ma'am!"

Malon rolled her eyes and put an old cassette into a boom box. She found the right track and then turned towards the closed bathroom door. "You know the words now, right?"

"Yeah!" Zelda called out. "Don't worry about it!"

"Okay. Thankfully Frankie is a genius and you'll be singing to some karaoke thing tomorrow, but I'm cheap so you'll just have to sing over the real words for right now."

"No problem." Zelda walked out of the bathroom and shook her marvelous head of hair. "Look nice?"

"It will in a moment," Malon said in a sing-song voice. She grabbed their hair spray bottle, shook it, and fwooshed it out all over Zelda's hair.

"YO! Watch where you spray that stuff!" Zelda cried, covering her eyes.

"Yeah, well, the coloring won't suck so much tomorrow," Malon commented, ignoring what Zelda had said. "But I had to put some of it on now. Okay, now go stand up on that table."

Zelda quietly obeyed and stood on top of the empty piece of furniture. She frowned as Malon walked over to her boom box. "…I feel like I'm about to pull a gypsy rose lee, or something."

"For the last time, don't worry about it!" Malon said. "No one's gonna expect you to do anything except sing, pull off your gloves, and dance around. I think we watched that scene in _Gilda _enough times for you to get it near enough."

"No kidding," Zelda grumbled.

"Okay, here you go," Malon said, hitting play.

A low brass sound came out of the boom box and Zelda put on a dazzling smile for an imaginary audience. "_You know the earthquake that shook San Francisco, back in 19'6_…"

"Louder!" Malon told her.

Zelda nodded and went on. "_…mother nature was up to her old tricks! That's the story that went around, but here's the real low-down…put the blame on Mame, boys. Put the blame on Mame. 'Cause Mame did a dance called the—_"

"Sing it like you mean it, Zel!" Malon called out to her.

Nodding again, Zelda twirled around and pulled off a glove. "—_that's what started the 'Frisco quake, so you can put the blame on Mame, boys. Put the blame on Mame!_" She shook her hair as wildly, holding the glove over her head, and then lifted her eyes again for verse two.

Once she was done, Malon burst into boisterous applause, imitating the reactions of the crowd. "Real nice, Zel! Link won't be able to take his eyes off you!"

"Thank you," Malon said, curtseying gracefully.

"Okay!" Malon ran up, grabbed Zelda's arm and literally yanked her off the table. "Now, to the bathroom!"

"This could be painful!" Zelda groaned as Malon threw her into the aforementioned room, which was probably built to accomdate only one person.

"Don't worry, the restaurant bathrooms are much bigger than this," Malon assured her. She grabbed the faucet, pushed Zelda underneath it, and said, "I hope you're ready for this."

"This is worse than at the hair parlor!" Zelda whimpered as Malon worked desperately to get the brown and wavy out of her hair. "Those nails of yours could really use a filing once in a while, you know!"

"Yeah, that's what everyone always says," Malon sighed. "Maybe I will later."

"You'd better!" Zelda said, shivering, once Malon had allowed her to get out from under the jet of icy water. She pulled the towel Malon had given her tighter around her neck. "Brrrr!"

"All right, now here," Malon said. She tossed Zelda a hair dryer. "Dry it off. I'll go get your Veronica Lake dress, and then I'll file my nails while I wait."

"That would be great," Zelda said. She turned on the hair dryer, and Malon rushed out of the room. She ran into the kitchen, picked up a bag hanging over one of the chairs, and re-entered the bathroom.

"Do you see my nail file anywhere?" she asked bitterly.

"It's right here," Zelda said, nodding towards her left on the counter.

So Malon sat down on the toilet seat and grudgingly filed down her nails as Zelda continued to dry her hair off. "This would be so much easier if I didn't have so much darn hair!" she yelled over the noise.

"Are you almost done?" Malon asked loudly.

"Yeah, I think so!" Indeed a few moments later, the noise lessened and Zelda's hair was dry. "Phew! Now what?"

"Put this on," Malon said. She put the nail file in her teeth and threw her bag at Zelda. "I'll turn around, don't worry." She faced the wall as Zelda switched dresses in record time.

"Wow, this is gorgeous!" Zelda breathed. "Where on earth did you find it?"

"The antique clothing store on Palmer," Malon answered. "You can get great deals on old outfits down there. It was the perfect place."

Zelda turned and smiled. The dress was white as driven snow with little Chinese fan designs on it. The sleeves were three-quarter length, and it didn't reveal much. All in all a nice choice.

"Great! Now hand me that brush," Malon said, spitting out her nail file. Zelda threw her the item and the red-head quickly attacked Zelda's tresses. "Ha, ha, this is going to work loverly."

"Did you just say loverly?" Zelda asked, as Malon continued to yank with the brush as if her life depended on it.

"Dude, haven't you ever seen _My Fair Lady_?"

"A long time ago, I guess," Zelda replied. "All I remember about it was hating the end and not liking how sexist it was."

"Mmm…" Malon walked around Zelda until they were facing each other. "Okay, we're almost done here." She carefully placed the brush on the right side of Zelda's head, and brought the hair over until it reached the other side of her skull.

"Um…Malon?" Zelda said in a muffled voice.

"Voila!" Malon shouted dramatically, letting the hair flow back. It remained partially covering Zelda's eye in a graceful curve (if you're having trouble picturing that, just google image search veronica lake).

"Wow," Zelda said. "…how do I see?'

"Out of your other eye, dimwit," Malon said, smacking Zelda with the comb. "Those old people—and Link—are gonna love you like this. Guess we're lucky Elise is out sick, huh?"

"If by lucky you mean painful and suffering then yes, this situation is very lucky," Zelda sighed. "I was satisfied with just Rita Hayworth!"

"I know," Malon said, ushering Zelda back into the living room. "But now, for your mannerisms! In other words, iz show time!"

"Yay."

The two of them flopped down onto the couch, exhausted, and prepared to stay up all night watching Veronica Lake movies.

END! (of this chapter)-

A/N: Hope y'all enjoyed that. Ha, ha, veronica lake (I'm so evil!) Anyhow, the Halloween chapter comes next, so I hope that's something for you to look forward to. And as always, please be nice if you decide to review!

**Bridget**: wow, well, I hope you're not still bored! Thanks for the review!

**Kattyblackrules**: Wow, thanks for that compliment! It's really nice to know that someone appreciates this story (at first I kind of thought no one would!) XD You rock very much, and so does your review!

**Devil Seifer**: Link kinda already met Zelda, to answer your question (but then again, he didn't exactly know who she was!). Sorry if it's totally torturing you, but they shall meet either in the next chapter or the one after that. Yeah, Mikau's evil. Keep reviewing, plz! And OMG, yes, Clark Gable is so hot! Finally, someone agrees with me!

**Kitty and Kurry**:  Yay! No need to apologize for the typos; we all make mistakes (especially me!). Your reviews are tre amazing so thanks a million!

**Sean a guy**: Heh, heh, don't worry about it. I appreciate that you like my story, but I don't know if I have room for characters that aren't Zelda in here! It's nothing personal.

**Moonbeam**: sorry updating every five seconds is not possible.

**Sadistic Shadow**: I love my title. It's so kooky (thanks, aunt patty!). Anyway I like some of Evanescence's songs, but they kind of tend to bother me. Like how they're singing about wanting to die and rape and drinking blood and all that. But "bring me to life" was actually one of the inspirations to one of my stories, sooo yeah. I love Avril! But thanks for the review, shadow that is sadistic!

**Cafe**: Glad you think this is cute, because that's the vibe I was going for! Thanks!

**Silver 186**: Wow, the best modern zel? Thank you SO much that is one of the nicest things someone's ever said to me!  I love you! I'm really obsessed with old movies, so I was waiting for the opportunity to incorporate them into a story where it wouldn't be entirely random! Thanks for your support!

**Sakurelle**: Yes I made Zelda tough and I am proud of it! Mikau was being evil, so he deserved what he got! Hee, hee. Glad you can sympathize with the fainting onto the wall thing. I also know from personal experience that it is not fun!

**Exiled Desert Goddess**: Oh my gosh, thanks! Modern day Zelda stories can be hard, and I'm so glad you like this one! Really, it's one of the best things an author like myself can hear. You rule!

**Zelda's baby girl**: Old people SO rock! I love listening to them talk about the olden days of yore. I'll write as long as you review!

**KurianGirl**: Hi, faux Korean (sorry, that's what I think every time I see your name). That's so nice of you to take the time to throw in your own two cents! It's so sweet! And I'm glad you appreciated the Zelda-kicking-mikau's-butt thing because it was oh so fun to write! "Priceless" isn't an adjective I often get, so thanks!

**Some-Crazy-Counterpart-Of-Link-That's-Not-Dark-Link**: Wow, that's a really long name. Long enough to get this story expelled for bad grammar (that's why I inserted the dashes)! Yeah, sorry, I have a life, so that's why it takes me a while to update stuff. Yea, zel could never beat up mikau in the game but that's the point of fan fictions! HA HA!

**Linkygurl88**: Thank you times a hundred! I've never seen your name before, so thanx!

**Chibi Sheik**: Ooh, does that mean favorite lists? That would rule! Cuteness rocks, so thank you a billion times over!

**Tessyboos**: OH YEAH GRAMMA! We haven't talked on line for like, ever. Where are you? We need to talk again! I want to know what's up in Utah! Ha, ha, I thought you'd like the it's a wonderful life reference! I'm so glad it allegedly made your day! Thanks! And yeah, I'd better talk to you later!

**Hylian Princess**: God's nightgown, you rock! Your reviews are so thoughtful and I'm glad you liked that chapter! (a lot of people do, I guess cause they agree mikau's evil and deserved what he got). Yeah, I hope you update your story soon because it's awesome!

**Atchika**: Like you said, there IS nothing better than random violence to shake things up a bit! Ha, ha! Hurry back and read more of this cuz that would make me happy!

**Linkmaster27**: Wow, thanks so much for your proclamation! It was so nice! Yeah Mikau isn't one you see in too many fics, so I thought I'd put him in here instead of one of those annoying made up people that everyone hates! XD Love ya!


	6. Plan 9

A/N: Wow, it's been a while! Sorry if this chapter seems really pointless and disappointing, but it's late and I feel bad for not updating anything forever… please read and review!

-----

"I can't believe it's Halloween already…"

"Zelda, you are going to be fine! Just chill."

"Malon…I've never been so nervous before…"

"Why in hell or high water should you be nervous? You're just dressing up like two long-dead movie stars and trying to get this guy you've never formally talked to to _notice_ you in an extremely cheap restaurant!"

Zelda rolled her eyes. "Wow, that really makes my situation sound so much better."

"Don't be so depressed," Malon said. Zelda only sighed and bonked her head on the table repeatedly. The red-head walked over to a bookshelf and picked up one of Zelda's language books. "Uh..hey, Zelda, listen to this: _Wo zhu zai Niu Yue de shi hou, you ren tou le wo de qi che_. Guess what that was!"

"Gibberish," Zelda mumbled into the surface of the table.

Malon scowled. "It's Chinese for 'When I was in New York, someone stole my car' you party-pooper!" Still, Zelda did not move, but Malon was not one to give up quickly. "Say, I know. What you need is to eat breakfast out today. I know a fine place, it's called Frankie's."

"Ha, ha."

"No, really. You can watch me do slave labor while I set up the place for tonight."

Zelda apparently considered this, and finally lifted her head. "Oh, all right, I guess it couldn't hurt."

"That's the spirit! Where's your costume?"

"I put it in the trunk of your car last night, remember?" Zelda yawned. "At about three, when we finally finished all those movies—Mrs. DePoint thought I was a robber at first; I can't believe you forgot that."

"Oh yeah," Malon said, smiling at the memory of the old woman throwing a potted plant at Zelda. "Well, that wasn't too bad, was it?"

"It was worse than having to watch all those Veronica Lake movies," Zelda concluded, getting to her feet and following Malon out the door.

"Oh, come on! They weren't that bad! You just don't want to admit that you liked them. It'd hurt your pride."

It took a moment for a response to come. "Well fine, the World War II one and the thing about Sullivan's travels weren't all that bad, and I guess the detective story wasn't either, but that witch movie was just plain hokey."

"Zelda, you liked _Plan 9 From Outer Space_," Malon said, unlocking the door to her car. "You have no right whatsoever to call other, better movies 'hokey.'"

"For the last time, Malon, I do **not** like _Plan 9 From Outer Space_!" Zelda shouted, causing several passerby to stare. "I watch it so I can make fun of it. Just for the simple MST3K experience."

"Yeah, yeah, okay," Malon said, starting the engine of her jeep.

They rode in silence for a while, until they came to a stop at a red light and Zelda screamed loudly.

"My Goddesses, what is it?" Malon cried, having nearly suffered a minor heart attack.

"Look at the person in that car next to us!" Zelda gasped. "It's Reba McEntire!"

Malon leaned over and looked out Zelda's window. "Holy Din, Zelda. That is NOT Reba McEntire! How could you even think that?"

"No, I'm serious!" Zelda said, continuing to stare at the person in the next car. "That is so Reba McEntire!"

"Zelda, that is NOT Reba McEntire!" Malon insisted.

"How do you _know_ it isn't?" Zelda asked, narrowing her eyes.

"Well first and foremost, that person doesn't look like Reba McEntire," Malon said just as the light turned green. "I mean, she looks about as much like Reba McEntire as you look like Rita Hayworth!"

"Hey, you said I looked like Rita Hayworth," Zelda pouted.

"Only when you're not in proper attire," Malon reassured her. "But secondly, and perhaps this should have been first and foremost, I really don't think that Reba McEntire would be driving around in a Yugo."

"That was a Yugo?" Zelda asked, staring at the car in her side view mirror.

"Yeah. I know, because my dad had one once until it got completely demolished by a heard of black angus. Whether or not that was my dad's intention, I'm not sure."

Zelda laughed. "Hey, before we go to Frankie's, do you want to stop at Dunkin' Doughnuts or something? I'm craving pastry."

"Okay."

--Many Tired Minutes Later—

"…Malon, I'm _telling _you, that gas jockey was Keith Urban!"

"ZELDA! Just because he had an Australian accent and conveniently colored hair doesn't mean he was Keith Urban! And besides, use your head! Why on Earth would a successful musician be working at a gas station? And while we're on the subject, how could you think that woman in the doughnut shop looked anything like Shania when you were about five inches away from her?"

But Zelda refused to listen, and wouldn't talk to Malon until they pulled up at Frankie's. "We'll get your stuff later," the red-head decided.

"Hey guys," Ruto greeted them. She was climbing down from a table, wiping her brow. "Well, that does it for all the extra lighting. How're you guys doin' this morning?"

"I'm doing pretty good, but Zelda's been hallucinating," Malon answered. "She's been seeing country music stars all morning."

"What?" Ruto laughed, as Zelda gaped.

"She thought she saw Reba McEntire in a Yugo next to us, then she thought she saw Shania Twain working behind the cash register at the doughnut shop, and _then_ when we stopped to get gas, she thought the gas jockey at the station was Keith Urban."

"Zelda, are you feeling okay?" Rutoa asked, feigning concern.

"You guys, stop mocking me!" Zelda said. "I saw what I saw!"

"Yes, yes, of course you did," Malon said. "Moving on: Ruto, what're you doing here setting up? I thought you were doing your Ethel Merman bit tonight?"

"For the last time, Malon, it's Esther Williams, not Ethel Merman," Ruto sighed. "But I need the extra cash of working both jobs."

"Why, aren't you getting along all right?"

"Yes," Ruto said. "But Mikau's birthday is coming up, and I'm trying to get _Wicked_ tickets."

"Oooh, it's a good thing you're working double time then," Zelda said. "Those tickets are mad expensive. You have to book them months in advance."

"I know. Fortunately for me, his birthday's not until February, so hopefully I'll have enough time to buy them."

"Sure you will, kid," Malon said, patting her on the back.

--Meanwhile—

"Dude, are you watching a movie or something?" Mikau asked from the kitchen.

"Yeah," Link said.

Mikau walked in. "_Plan 9 From Outer Space_?" he asked, picking up the box. "Are you joking with me? You like this movie?"

"No I do not 'like' it!" Link was quick to reply. "I enjoy exploiting its hokiness for my ruthless MST3K comments."

"So you talk to yourself while you watch bad movies?"

"No, at least not until now," Link said, kicking the seat on the couch next to him. "Sit down so I can make hilarious comments to somebody."

Mikau rolled his eyes and acquiesced. After a few moments of watching hilariously horrible film (the movie "almost starring Bela Lugosi"), Mikau finally said, "Are you going to Frankie's tonight?"

Link shrugged. "I don't think so. I mean, I've been there every day this week. I need a break. How about Harry's?"

"Okay, whatever," Mikau said.

"I mean, unless you'd rather go trick-or-treating instead."

Mikau smirked. "I think not." Suddenly, the Star Wars theme song came bursting out of no where, causing both of them to jump. "Oh, sorry, that's my cell," Mikau said. He stepped out of the room and picked it up. "Hello?"

"Hey, Mikau," said Ruto. "Whassup?"

"Not much. We're watching _Plan 9 From Outer Space_. For Mystery Science Theater reasons only, of course."

"Oh my Goddesses, really?" came a more distant, Malon-sounding voice. "Wow, I have to go tell Zelda!"

"Um, okay…so what's up, Ruto?"

"I have to deliver an important message to you," Ruto said very gravely. "You and Link are coming to Frankie's tonight, right?"

"No, we decided not to."

"_What!_" Ruto gasped. "Why not?"

"I dunno, he's been there every day this week, and I don't mind not going."

"You. Have. To. Come. At least Link does."

"Why?"

"Did Malon tell you nothing?"

He stopped to think for a minute. "I remember she wanted to set Link up with Zelda, but…"

"Exactly!" Ruto said. "This is the perfect night, because she'll be wearing the best she can with the Hays Censor Board in action! Link must be here tonight! At seven!"

"Okay, but… what am I going to tell him?"

"Just think something up, Mikau, you're smart,"

"All right, you can cut with the faux flattery," Mikau chuckled. "I'll see what I can do."

"All I want you to do is ensure that Link gets here tonight!" Ruto said sharply. "So I'll see you later, pumpkin—bye!"

"Bye…" They both hung up, leaving Mikau feeling like he was stuck in a very awkward situation.

_I feel like I'm stuck in a very awkward situation,_ Mikau thought to himself, pacing in the kitchen. _How do I get Link to go there tonight…hmmm... I got it!_ "Whoa, Link!" he yelled.

"What?"

"Did you hear? Someone at Harry's just found a TOE in their chili."

"What?"

"A toe! At Harry's! In chili! So do you want to go to Frankie's instead?"

Link turned around on the couch and stared at him. "…do you really want to go to Frankie's tonight?"

Mikau frowned. _My ruse failed_. "Uh, well, sort of…"

"Well, that's fine with me, I guess."

He grinned. _Ha, ha!_

--Later that Day—

"This place looks absolutely ghastly," Zelda said in her Rita Hayworth costume. She stared at a picture on the wall. "Great Nayru, who drew a moustache on Hedy Lamarr's face?"

"It's just a sticker," Malon said, peeling it off and putting it back on to show the effect. "I thought it would be fun for tonight."

"Okay then… now help me out with this hair dye, will you?"

"Sure. You know, you're almost unrecognizable as you are now," Malon said. "I mean, you don't look like _Zelda_—you don't usually wear makeup, and wearing it now makes you look so… so…"

"Much like Rita Hayworth? Beautiful? Purple? What?" Zelda asked.

Malon laughed. "All of the above. Well, except purple, actually."

"Good." Zelda didn't talk for a while as Malon dyed her hair, but finally said, "Do you want to hear about this great dream I had last night?"

"I suppose so," Malon said. "Anything to get 'The Star Spangled Banner' out of my head."

"Okay, so—wait, why was the Star Spangled Banner stuck in your head?"

"I don't know! Please, go on with your dream!"

"No, really, why is—"

"_Oh say can you see, by the dawn's early light--!_" Malon started singing loudly.

"Okay, okay!" Zelda said. "So anyway, this dream. I was with Link, right, and we had gone out to this remote island together."

"Ooooh, island!" Malon squeaked.

"Yes. Anyway, we were having a rather private picnic, when—"

"Wait, wait, what happened before the when?" Malon asked, brushing out Zelda's hair rather vigorously. When her friend didn't answer, Malon glanced in the mirror and saw Zelda blushing. "WOW! Was it something that deliciously bad?"

"No, you pervert!" Zelda snorted. "We were just… well, he just kissed me. Like, once. And then I was sort of sitting there on his lap, and he had his arms around me, and we were staring out at the sunset, when…"

"Typhoon? Tsunami? Tornado?"

"No, no, and no," Zelda laughed. "Audrey Hepburn and Harvey Korman showed up in another rowboat and asked to join us for our picnic."

"Audrey Hepburn came to your picnic?" Malon gasped in shock. "That's awesome! So wait, though, did that interrupt any further romantic goings-on?"

"Well, Audrey said that Link and I looked really cute together," Zelda said. "So we both sort of laughed and then he kissed me again. It was so beautiful… anyway, then I woke up."

"In that case, you have no need to worry," Malon said. "About Link, that is. Because firstly, you look beautiful, and secondly, well…" She sighed dramatically, handing Zelda a pair of gloves. "You have Audrey Hepburn's blessing."

Grinning, Zelda put on the gloves and stared at her reflection. "Wow…"

"So, you ready to go out there and put the blame on Mame?" Malon asked.

A smile made its way slowly onto Zelda's face. "You bet."


	7. Hot in Army Fatigues

A/N: I know, I've been awful at updating. Really, really, bad, and I'm sorry. Life, you know. Uncles dying. Homework. Projects. School in general. Anyway, I hope this chapter isn't a disappointment!

_Dear Diary,_

_Tonight was AMAZING. With a capital "A". Also a capital "M," "A," "Z," "I," "N," and "G." I felt hot, really really hot! Malon started up my music really, really loud, and walked out from the back room (it was actually a little awkward at first, because all these freaky old guys were whistling at me, but um, yeah, moving on…)_.

_Then I walked onto a table with a big party via an empty chair and I sang like I never have before! As in really loud, because Malon turned on the music too loud, and it was until the chorus when she finally got what my hand signals meant that I could sing at a normal volume. My hair felt deliciously silky and brown (**Rita Hayworth** Brown!), and I actually heard one obscene "gentleman" cat-calling when I took off my glove. I tried to find Link, and by the time I did, I realized that the plan was working!_

_So, keeping in my present "Gilda" state, I smirked, climbed down from the table and sauntered towards him (with much swaying of hips and flashing of smiles). A bunch of people actually followed me to the other side of the diner and then something kind of bad happened: I FORGOT THE WORDS TO THE SECOND VERSE! I guess it's because that darn Link was making me so nervous! Things had the potential to be a lot worse, but since my strongest classes have always been English and impromptu speaking, I was in luck. I made up my own words, which would normally be committing suicide in front of a bunch of old-people-Gilda-fans, but they were so happy with my performance that they didn't even seem to notice._

_On the last note I tossed my second glove to Link and it nearly hit him in the face, but bless those quick reflexes of his and he caught it! I blew him a kiss, and suddenly the poor boy found himself underneath of a heap of old men wrestling him, trying to get my glove. I'M SO POPULAR, lol._

_The next few moments were quite traumatic. Since everyone else was busy cheering on this odd struggle between young man and elderly folk, no one noticed when Gilda was snatched away by a deranged red-head and forced into the bathroom. _

"_Wow, that was hot Zelda," Malon commented. "I envy your skills."_

"_Thanks."_

_And with no further ado, she forced my head into a sink and turned on a jet of water. It was painful, but Malon didn't seem aware. She apologized for having the music on so loud initially, but said that it wasn't her fault—Frankie had a messed up stereo system and she had been "confoozled" (Malon for confused) by the controls._

"_It's okay, Mal."_

"_Yeah, but what isn't okay is that, um… your Veronica Lake dress is missing."_

"_WHAT?"_

"_McLise saw it hanging in the back room and thought no one was using, so she took it and—"_

"_Mal, you have to get it back!"_

"_I can't! She's wearing it now for her Paulette Goddard bit! I can't go in there and rip the dress of Paulette Goddard!"_

"_You could if you were dressed as Rosalind Russell," Zelda grumbled, closing her eyes tightly as Malon scrubbed the color out of her hair. "So what am I supposed to do, stay in this?"_

"_Of course not, stupid," Malon said, in a matter-of-fact voice that quite reminded me of Hermione Granger. She shut off the water and handed me a towel, telling me to dry my hair with it. "I managed to find an old Army outfit in the bin that the guys had—you know, when guys worked here, and—"_

"_Malon, Veronica Lake didn't parade around in army outfits!" I felt like I had to say (although those might not have been my exact words; I'm not entirely sure)._

"_You dimwit, of course she did!" Malon said, raising my self esteem greatly (note sarcasm). "Remember? World War II Nurse Movie!"_

"_Um…oh yeah…" I said, feeling rather stupid. "But I thought I was supposed to look, like, sexy."_

"_Yeah. Veronica Lake looks sexy in anything, They'll eat it up."_

"_Oh, McLise is gonna pay for this one!" I grumbled, tossing the towel back to Malon. "Seriously!" And then I got a brilliant idea._

_I was dressed as Veronica Lake. McLise was being Paulette Goddard. I remembered that in this World War II nurse movie, their two characters got into a terrificly awful catfight over a necklace. The situation was perfect! I told my plan to Malon, who joined me in evil cackling._

_Ruto stuck her head into the bathroom. "Zelda, what are you doing cackling evilly in the bathroom? They need Veronica Lake out there in less that five to replace Esther Williams!"_

"_Aren't you Esther Williams?" Malon asked.  
_

"_Yeah," Ruto groaned. "So hurry up and get in your new costume so I can leave! Please! These old guys are killing me!"_

"_All right, all right, we'll be right there."_

_Malon went out the door and I waited impatiently for her to get back. She eventually did; she had to kick the door open because her arms were full with men's army fatigues, an army helmet, and a dog tag in her teeth. I then noticed she was wearing a huge pair of combat boots over her small heels. She kicked them off and said, "You're going to have to tie really big knots."_

_I slipped off my Gilda dress and into the army outfit. I pulled up my hair and then put the helmet on top, on an angle of course, and then slipped the long-chained dog tag around my neck. "This says 'Robert Mitchum' on it," I pointed out._

"_Whatever," Malon sighed. "No one is going to be checking your dog tag."_

"_Fine…" I put the combat boots on over my socks and indeed had to tie many tight knots to get them to stay on. "How are they going to know that I'm Veronica Lake if I don't have the peek-a-boo do?"_

"_Because you shall reveal it once you defeat McLise," Malon said. "Remember how in the last scene of the movie she finally takes down her hair?"_

"_Sure. Do you think I should do my hair in braids, instead?"_

"_No, it's fine how it is."_

_I grinned in excitement. Now I was going to get my revenge on McLise for all the times she'd mocked me, borrowed my stuff without asking, gone out with guys she knew I liked, and now for stealing my perfect Veronica Lake dress. Ha. Ha, ha, ha, ha. I walked out of the bathroom and for a while, no one really knew what to make of me. Link was looking at me, still fingering my glove (glowing with admiration, I realized he must've come out on top in the battle with the grumpy old men), as if he thought he recognized me but wasn't quite sure._

_Putting my hands on my hips, I looked around for McLise. There she was, chatting with a middle-aged man dressed as Charlie Chaplin (some customers like to come in costume as well. These people have no life). "Hey, Joanie!" I yelled to her. I saw Link mouth "Veronica Lake" and he followed me with his eyes as I walked towards McLise. "Joan!"_

_She still didn't realize I was talking to her. She didn't until I grabbed her by the shoulder and turned her around to face me. "That is my—Olivia's—dress! How dare you borrow it without asking!"_

_McLise stared at me, as if she was worried I might have finally gone mad. "Just go with it," I said between my teeth, smiling wickedly. The customers caught on._

"_Oh, the World War II nurse movie!" they cried (I was a little disappointed in them; I had thought they might've remembered what it was called). "She must be Veronica Lake!" _

_Then, without further warning, I aimed a punch at McLise's face. I didn't actually hit her, of course, but she was startled and fell off the chair she'd been standing on anyway. She caught on quickly enough though, because she grabbed me by the legs and pulled me down (if not for my helmet, I think I might've suffered a concussion). We got into a lovely fight there on the floor, with some people rooting for Paulette and some Veronica. It was quite intense._

_Then Malon came out of no where, dressed in an outfit similar to mine only she also had on a strange wig that made her look rather like Harpo Marx than whom she claimed to be: "Claudette Colbert coming through, I'm gonna break up this cat fight!" She picked up McLise by the elbow and said, "Joanie, shame on you! You go back to your room right now, young lady!"_

_Massaging a bruised cheek (oops), McLise willingly got up and walked away. Malon took me by the hand, then raised my arm up into the air and said, "Ladies and gentlemen, we have a winner!" _

_The old people cheered for me, and I pretended to by shy and withdrew my arm from Malon's grip. Then I took off my helmet and in one beautiful slow-motion like swirl, my hair came down and flew down towards one of my shoulders. It covered my right eye perfectly and I struck a very Veronica Lake-like pose._

"_She makes army fatigues look sexy!" one frank old man said._

_Mikau was giving me this really weird stare that made me feel like if Ruto had been around, he'd've gotten a clobbering from her. But I didn't care—Link was looking at me the same way, and that was all that mattered. Once the old people's cheeriness had worn off, I walked towards Link._

"_You're the girl from the video store, aren't you?" he asked._

"_You recognize me?" I queried, very pleased._

"_Sure," he said, grinning. "You look really nice tonight, Zelda."_

"_You know my name?" I asked, a little surprised._

"_Yeah, I told him," Mikau said. "Hope you don't mind, Zel…"_

"_Of course not. But if you gentlemen don't mind, I think I'll be going home now… it's been a very tiring evening and…"_

"_Right," Link said. There was an awkward silence. "Would you… like to erm, have dinner with me tomorrow?"_

_I think I was smiling from ear to ear. But I don't know for sure, because no mirrors were around. "I'd love to."_

"_Great! I mean… cool. When is your shift here over?"_

"_Five." That was a lie. It was actually seven, but I was sure I could get somebody to cover for me._

"_Okay. I'll come by around then."_

"_Fab! See you tomorrow, Link."_

"_Ciao, Mitchum."_

_So he did notice. I only smiled and walked back to the kitchen. Frankie praised me endlessly for what he thought had been a brilliant performance, and even McLise admitted that it had been a pretty good idea. Ha, ha, I'll bet that Elise McNally learned her lesson! Anyway, then Malon drove me home, but I was actually feeling a lot more restless than I'd thought._

_Needless to say, partying was required. Malon and I cleared off my living room table and sang "Man! I Feel Like A Woman" five times in a row at the top of our lungs, four times with Shania going in the background. _

_All in all, one of the better nights of my life."_

"See you tomorrow, Zelda," Malon yawned, coming out of the bathroom.

"Bye, Malon."

_Better wrap up—it's getting late. Ciao for now!"_

"Happy Halloween."

Zelda looked up and Malon was smirking at her from the doorway. "Happy Halloween, Mal."

A/N: Don't you love how it's not Halloween? Oh well. That's all for now, folks!


	8. The Date, Part 1

A/N: Phew, yeah this is a long chapter! A couple new characters are introduced, such as **Impa** and my own invention **Leah **(actually she's not really "my own," she's loosely based on a friend of mine). She'll become more important later on. Hope you'll like this! By the way, potential **spoilers for Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince** are mentioned in this chapter, but I didn't name names, so I hope it doesn't give too much away if you haven't finished it yet and still want to read this!

---------------

"Malon, I have a majorly rather large favor to ask of you."

"Shoot."

"Okay, ready? Okay. So this is like, it. Ready? Okay, yeah—"

"ZELDA."

"Right, sorry… so um, Link like, totally asked me out last night, and—"

Malon's loud squeals of glee interrupted Zelda's sentence. "Way to go, girl! I knew you had it in you!"

"Couldn't have done it without you, Claudette," Zelda laughed. "Anyway, I was really anxious to meet him early today, because I mean he was like, asking me _out_, so I told him that my shift is over at five."

"Doesn't your shift end at seven?" Malon asked suspiciously.

"Well um, yeah," Zelda said into the phone. "Remember that really big favor I asked you about?"

Malon groaned. "Zelda, no! I've already covered twice for recently! I've worked more hours in the past three months than you have in your life!"

"You have not!" Zelda replied indignantly. She paused. "Remember when you went on your first date with—with Mikau? I covered you, like I would for any good friend. Malon, please do this for me? Please?"

"Oh…"

"Hold on a sec." Zelda picked up her cell phone (she and Malon were both on their house phones), took a picture of herself giving the camera what Kim Possible fans would call the "puppy dog pout," and sent it to Malon's cell. "I just sent you something."

Malon opened her phone and looked at the picture. She let out a rueful laugh, and said, "Oh fine. But only because you did the same for me, not because of your stupid Bambi eyes."

"You know you like the Bambi eyes!" Zelda laughed. "Thank you _so much_. I really owe you!"

"Yes. You do. Now hang up so I can finish _The Half-Blood Prince _before lunch, okay? I'm only a few chapters away from being done."

"Dude. You still haven't finished that?"

"NO. Bye Zel."

"Bye…" Zelda hung up the phone. Excitement was flowing through her veins and she couldn't sit still. Eventually she gave in to temptation and ran to her window, opening it, and screaming "_Xie xie!_" (or "thank you") loudly to the sky. A few seconds later, her cell phone rang. It was Malon.

"Your welcome."

&-

Link, meanwhile, was pacing back and forth in Mikau's study. Where should they go to dinner? He had realized by now that Zelda probably knew the area's restaurants a lot better than he did. And yet, as the one in the couple who asked the other out, he was the one who'd have to come up with a place to eat…

"Mikau!" he said with relief when said guy entered the room.

"'Sup, Link?" Mikau asked wearily, sinking into an armchair.

"I need your help, dude," Link said. He wasted no time in getting to an explanation of his troubles. "I asked Zelda out to dinner, but I don't know what the good places are around here to eat and I've been searching the phone book but that doesn't really help, because I don't know if Zelda likes Italian, o-or Japanese, or Palestinian, or just American or—"

"Calm down, dude," Mikau sighed. "Take her to P. F. Chang's."

"P. F. Chang's?" Link repeated. "Where's that?"

"The mall down town where you bought that shirt the other day. It's top-quality Chinese food." Mikau yawned. Link looked as if he was about to ask something, and Mikau talked over him saying, "By top-quality Chinese food, I mean top-quality Americanized Chinese food. No monkey brains or chickens with the heads still on or stuff like that."

"Oh, okay," Link said. "Wow, thanks a lot man."

"So is that it?"

"Um… is what it?" Link asked, looking puzzled.

"Are you just taking her to dinner, or is there gonna be something else afterward?" Mikau queried. "I mean like, an arcade or movie or something."

"I…I guess a movie," Link said, pulling out his wallet. A dead fly fell out of it. "Hm. Looks like I'll be visiting the bank today. What should we go see? Oh man, what movies does she like? Would she want to see _The Family Stone_? Or does she harbor a secret hatred for all things Diane Keaton or Sarah Jessica Parker? Does she like Jake Gyllenhaal? 'Cause if she does, I'd sit through that new Ang Lee movie for her, no matter how uncomfortable I'd—"

"Do you follow Harry Potter?" Mikau asked him, sounding bored.

"Of course I do, are you kidding?" Link replied.

Mikau popped his gum loudly. "Have you seen _Goblet of Fire_ yet?" (A/N: Yes, I am aware that this takes place the day after Halloween and that Harry Potter didn't open until mid-November, but this is fiction. I do what I want here).

"You know, actually I haven't," Link said. "Why, does Zelda like Harry Potter?"

"She's probably the only person on the globe who likes it better than you," came the response. "Last year, when the third one opened, she went with this huge glasses and drew a scar on her forehead, and had a stuffed-animal owl on stapled to her coat shoulder. At the first midnight showing, naturally."

"Wow," Link said. Aware that someone other than himself might find this completely dorky, he said, "COOL! That's so awesome!"

Mikau smirked. "So awesome, I declined the invite to go along because I thought I'd be embarrassed. My ex went dressed as Ginny."

"Oh no… that means that's she's probably already seen it, though," Link said, looking very sad. "She wouldn't want to see it again."

"You joking? She saw the first one six times, the second one seven times, and the last one four times. I don't think anything would make her happier than seeing this one, albeit again, with you."

"Thanks man," Link said, grinning.

"No problem, my sentimental friend, no problem."

"You want to come with me to the bank?"

"Ah, what the hey. I'm not doing anything anyway."

And so, the two of them set off nobly on their errand to the bank. Just as they were leaving Mikau's house, Saria was leaving hers. A look of complete joy and rapture appeared on her face, and she sprinted across the street to join them. Mikau's face fell slightly, but Link was determined to be polite.

"Hi, Saria," Link said.

"Hi guys!" she said enthusiastically back. "I heard a rumor about a catfight that happened at Frankie's last night. Was it true?"

"Well," said Mikau, and the three of them began walking, "Zelda totally took down McLise, if that's what you mean. It was pretty…" He had been on the verge of saying hot, but decided a different choice of words would be better around a girl. So he finished with "cool."

"Wow! My grandma told me about it, see," Saria continued. "She likes Frankie's, and goes there a lot, but her memory's not been what it used to be lately, you know what I mean? So I thought it might've been something she'd fabricated."

"It was all too real," Link assured her. He turned to Mikau and added, "I heard that someone got it on film."

"Now _that_ would be funny," Mikau said. "Yeah, it was a good night."

"Really?" Saria asked.

"Especially for you, eh, Link?" he laughed, nudging his friend. "He got a date with Zelda Harkinian out of it," he told Saria.

"Oh," she said, suddenly looking flustered. "Huh. Well, cool. Good for you, Link. Zelda's a great gal. Yeah. Okay. Nice. Well, have fun, I'm turning this way. Bye."

She promptly turned right and sort of goose-stepped away. Link and Mikau turned left towards the bank.

"You know something? I think Saria likes you," Mikau said.

"Come off it."

"No, seriously."

The two of them debated it until they got to a street corner, waiting for the light to turn red. A loud bus pulled in front of them and a carload of old people got off. Link and Mikau, still bickering, failed to notice the light change and therefore stayed that the street corner for another few moments. The subject of Saria liking or not liking Link remained the topic of conversation until the bus pulled away from the stop. It would've gone longer if, at that moment, a teenaged girl hadn't flung herself into Link and rendered him unable to reply to Mikau—both he and the girl fell to the sidewalk in a heap.

Dazed, Link sat up. The girl who'd run into him and fallen onto his legs and was now looking forlornly after the bus driving slowly away. Then she suddenly seemed to have realized where she was lying and quickly got up. Link followed suit.

"Oh geez, I'm sorry," the girl apologized. She had long, straight black hair and dark brown eyes that showed both sincerity and fear. "I didn't mean to run head-long into you like that."

Link had doubted that. "It's okay," he said. "Really, it's fine, no big deal."

"It's just that that's the fourth time I've missed the bus this week! My boss never lets me off early," she said, nodding behind her at a pharmacy.

"You work at CVS?" Mikau asked, looking at the building and then at her.

"Yeah," the girl answered, nodding her (very) pretty head.

"Is Dragmire still the boss there?" he inquired.

"Yes," she answered, looking a little surprised.

"I used to work there," he said darkly. "Not a nice guy, that Dragmire. Let me off late all the time, and always telling me I was a no-good dirty bum."

_Which you probably were_, Link noted.

"So I'm not the only one he abuses!" the girl said, looking relieved. "When I first got the job he said it was only because he knew my aunt, and he called me a good-for-nothing Goth girl."

Link and Mikau stared at her. The girl, with hair that reached down between her shoulders and elbows looked nothing like a typical goth—she wore light jeans and a rust colored sweater, with an amber colored clip holding back a strand of hair. She seemed to be reading their thoughts and said, "I used to look much more Gothic than I do now."

"Ah." Mikau cleared his throat. "Well, glad to have meet another person who fell under the curse of Dragmire and has therefore felt my pain. You still in high school?"

The girl looked a little startled at the question coming from who looked like a college graduate, and said, "Yeah."

"I'm Mikau."

"Leah Foxworthy."

Link, who felt compelled to join in, also said his name.

"Well I'm really sorry I stampeded you like that, Link," Leah said, looking bashful again. "I'll try to get to the bus stop in time from now on, no matter how sadistic my boss is."

"That's the spirit," Link said. The traffic light had just turned red, and he said, "Well, see ya."

"Yeah, bye," Mikau said.

"Bye."

The guys started crossing the street, and Link threw Mikau a disgusted look. "You _pedophile!_"

"WHAT? Where do you get that from!" Mikau asked, looking shocked.

"'You still in high school?' That's what I'm talking about!" Link said. "Seriously, I think there's something wrong with you."

"Oh, go get your head stuffed." At the same time, he couldn't help thinking Leah Foxworthy was definitely _fox_-worthy.

"Shaddup, Mikau!"

Shortly after this in a completely different place:

Zelda knocked on the door of Malon's apartment. She was very surprised to see her friend let her in looking on the verge of tears.

"Malon, what's wrong?" she asked concernedly.

Lip trembling, Malon suddenly began to cry hysterically, huge sobs nearly causing her to hyperventilate. Tears gushed down her face like two waterfalls and Zelda gently lead her over to the couch.

"Mal, what is it? What—what's…" And then she spotted the purple book sitting on Malon's coffee table. Her expression changed slightly. "Does this have to do with—"

"I can't b-believe h-he DIED!" Malon sobbed, reaching for a Kleenex. "I n-never thought _he_ would g-go! Waah!"

Zelda sighed with relief. She had been afraid something really important had happened and upset Malon, but it was just the death of a fictional character in the last Harry Potter book. Well, not just _any_ fictional character…

"It's okay Mal, it's okay!" Zelda said, hugging her friend. "We can get through this together! He will be avenged somehow in the last book, I know it!"

"B-but how it happened!" Malon cried. "That was the worst part!"

"I know!" Zelda sympathized, recalling the night she'd turned the page to read what had happened. She was now also fighting tears. "Oh, oh, Malon, I know it's hard, but that's just how it works!"

"And WHAT—" (she seemed to be on a new topic now) "—is with that Spider-Man 2 ending? I mean, come on! Harry finally got together with her and in less time than one freaking book THAT had to happen?"

"I know, I thought of Spider-Man 2 as well," Zelda said. "Sucks, doesn't it?"

"They'll get back together in the next book," Malon assured herself. Then she paused and let out a fresh wail of despair. "Zelda, the next one's the last book!"

"I KNOW!"

And feeling only slighty pathetic, the two friends cried on each other's shoulders until it was acknowledged that they needed to be getting to work (when they finally got there, Ruto swore she'd thought someone died before an explanation was given for the red eyes and sad expressions).

That night, at approxiamately 4:58…

"Okay Zel, you ready?" Malon asked, giving Zelda a last-minute make over.

"Yeah," the blonde replied nervously. She played with her hair a little and said, "Are you sure I look all right?"

"Let's get a second opinion." Before Zelda could stop her, Malon turned swiftly and asked an old man at the bar, "Excuse me sir, but do you think my friend looks hot?"

He stared at her. Zelda stared at her.

"She looks very nice!" said the woman sitting next to the old geezer. She smiled at Zelda. "First date?"

Kicking Malon in the shins, she said, "My first date with this, this er… guy." _I sound stupid_.

"Is that Marlene Dietrich on your shirt?" the woman asked suspiciously.

"Yeah," Zelda said, sounding a little regretful. "My cousins gave it to me for my birthday one year, because they thought it was—er—Greta Garbo. She's my favorite."

"HA!" the old woman snorted. "As if Dietrich was ever in the same league as Greta Garbo!"

"Wait, Zelda, you know Greta Garbo?" Malon asked, stunned.

"Dietrich's such a poser," Zelda said. "I mean, her studio was totally banking on Garbo's success as a foreigner at M-G-M."

The old lady looked like she could've kissed her. "_Thank_ you! I've been trying to get my friends to see the same way for decades!" She reached out a hand. "I'm Impa!"

"Zelda," said the blonde, smiling and shaking her hand.

"Grandma?"

Saria walked up to the bar, looking from Impa to Zelda to Malon.

"Oh hello, dear!" Impa said. "I was just discussing Dietrich vs. Garbo with these two—Zelda and, er…" She squinted at the red-head's nametag. "Malon."

"Ah."

"Hi, Saria," Zelda said cheerfully. _Wow, I'm so happy today!_ Saria, on the other hand, seemed a little cold.

"Oh my freaking goodness, there he is," Malon said, nudging Zelda in the ribs. "Look, coming in through the doors."

Letting out a squeak of excitement, Zelda walked out from behind the counter. "Bye, Mal—and thanks so much again for covering me!"

"No prob."

Zelda tried not to skip as she approached the entrance doors of the diner. Link had just made it inside. "Hi, Link!" she said, grinning toothily.

It didn't take long for him to realize who it was. "Hi, Zelda." She was only wearing an ordinary T-shirt with corduroys, but he still felt inspired to say, "Gee, you look really nice." _Gee? I just said GEE?_

"Aw, thanks," she said, trying not to blush too hard.

"Ready to go then?"

"Yup."

"Cool…"

Interestingly enough, on the car drive, Link and Zelda seemed to have a discussion extremely similar to that which she'd had with Impa. She was very pleased to hear Link call Dietrich a poser as well, and they didn't stop talking about it until they'd reached the restaurant.

"…I mean look at Garbo's career," Link was saying. "She knew to quit when she was ahead—or, er, maybe a little after, if you consider _Two-Faced Woman_."

"Oh, that was a disgrace," Zelda mourned, bowing her head.

"But look at Dietrich," Link said. "She just kept going and going and going until no one really cared anymore."

"Unless you count _Witness For the Prosecution_," Zelda pointed out. "That was one good film, even if she was way too old for the flashback."

"Yeah," Link said grimly. "The sight of her at that age in that costume—or lack thereof—was rather disturbing."

Zelda giggled.

In a feat almost unheard of, Link and Zelda managed to get a table at P. F. Chang's the moment they'd arrived. The man who seated them was kind enough to inform them that their waitress Leah would be with them momentarily (Link had to smile slightly at the name).

"I love it here," Zelda said, looking around at the faux Chinese statues. She was also currently registering the fact that the place was pretty dimly lit, making the atmosphere very romantic. She said nothing of this, though, and added, "Was taking me here just a whim, did someone tip you off that I love this place?"

He grinned. "Well, I had a little help. But I love Chinese food, especially P. F. Chang's—I always get their lemon chicken."

"Oh, is that any good? I've never had it," Zelda said. "I practically _always_ get General Tsao's and the vegetarian dumplings."

"And white rice," they said simultaneously. They stared at each other and then, for some reason burst out laughing.

"'Scuse me for interrupting the mirth," said a gloomy sounding voice, "but I'm Leah and nothing would give me more pleasure than to take your drink order."

Link looked up and realized he was staring into the face of the girl who had run him over at the bus stop earlier that day. Leah Foxworthy also seemed to recognize him; it was hard to tell in the dim lighting, but it looked like she was going red.

"Oh, hello!" she said in a much brighter sounding voice. "Uh, yeah—so!" She looked from Link to Zelda and back again, appearing as if she'd forgotten something she was supposed to say. Trying not to look Link in the eyes, Leah said, "You people ever been to this humble establishment before?"

"Yeah," they both said.

"Lovely."

"Actually, we both already know what it is we want," Link said.

"Even _more_ lovely," Leah responded. "….lovlier? Anyway, what is it you'll be wanting, then?"

The two elves ordered and Leah, it seemed, had a good memory because she didn't write any of it down. Both Link and Zelda thanked her by name, and she picked up their untouched menus and walked away.

"She looks like she's just a kid," Zelda murmured, staring after her.

"She is," Link said. "We kind of, er—bumped into each other on the street today."

Zelda raised an eyebrow, knowing full well that she probably wouldn't recognize somebody she passed on a street. Link seemed to know what she was thinking.

"When I say we bumped into each other, I meant it literally," he added. "She missed her bus and was running after it, and in the process knocked me over." He frowned slightly. "Girl must work two jobs—she said she worked for Mikau's old boss. I didn't know this restaurant hired high school students."

"Maybe she has connections," Zelda said. "Like her uncle owns it or something."

"Perhaps."

There was a silence then that Link felt he had to break. "Erm… do you like Harry Potter, Zelda?"

"_DO_ I?" she cried so enthusiastically that several people sitting by turned around to stare. "I am like… obsessed. It's sad, I know."

Link grinned. "The Lovegoods are first mentioned when?"

"The fourth book, when the Weasleys meet the Diggorys at the Portkey and Arthur asks Amos if anyone else is coming," Zelda answered, her face shining with glee. "And he's like, the Prewetts were already there and the Lovegoods couldn't get tickets. And then of course, Luna is properly introduced in the fifth book."

Smiling, Link felt he might have finally met his match. Zelda said back, "First clue of Harry's crush in _The Half-Blood Prince_?"

"Amortentia," Link countered, naming the strongest love potion in the wizarding world. "He smells the wood of a broomstick and flowers from the Burrow and then smells both of them again when _she_ approaches him after Potions—because she thinks he might be looking into a possessed book."

"That's it," Zelda said, smiling. "We're both certified Harry Potter dorks." Her face fell slightly. "But can you believe it? I haven't even seen the new movie yet."

"You haven't?" Link asked, perking up. This really shouldn't have been all that surprising, because in my world, it had only been open a day. He reached into his coat pocket. "You're in luck then." He showed Zelda two tickets.

"**_IMAX?_**" she called out jubilantly. "Oh Link, that is so cool!"

"I haven't seen it yet, either," Link said, smiling. "I thought it might be nice."

"Oh, you're so thoughtful!"

"Okay, I've got another one for you," Link said, trying not to look too pleased with himself. "How is Tonks related to Mrs. Weasley through Sirius?"

And that is how the spent almost the entire rest of dinner.

&- yeah.

If you want to know how the rest of their date goes, you're going to have to keep reading my story! Ha, ha, ha! Okay sorry, I know a couple of my stories have been Harry Potter centered lately, but I can't help it! I'm simply swimming in Potter euphoria as of late, due to my own obsession. Sorry I couldn't update _We Are Santa's Elves!_ in time for Christmas; you know how the holidays are! I'll try and get it and this done soon, because I'm aiming to begin my first purely Harry Potter, **Harry/Ginny** story soon! Wish me luck and I hoped you liked this in spite of the long length.


	9. The Date, Part 2

**A/N: Hope this is okay for you all. I know my Christmas story could really use an update, but I felt inspired to write this, you know? Anyhow, here you go.**

Roughly forty minutes later, the check had been sent for, and the two were still (astounding as it may seem) discussing Harry Potter.

"WHO…is the first Weasley mentioned by _name_ in the entire series?" Zelda queried, finishing off the last of the white rice.

Link frowned. "I haven't read the first one in such a long time…uh… I guess Ron would be too obvious, wouldn't it?"

Zelda gave him a cat-like grin. "You're close, though, it was one of the kids."

He still looked blank.

Leah, who had been waiting on the table next to them, handed Link the check and said, "I'll give you a hint—it was a girl."

"Ginny?" Link asked, looking dumbstruck.

"Nice one, Leah!" Zelda laughed, giving their waitress a high-five. Link rolled his eyes and took out his credit card. "Are you a Harry Potter freak, too?"

"Well if you want to put it lightly, yes," Leah replied, smiling and walking away to the cash register.

"Well, I win," Zelda said. "I finally stumped you. That means you're buying the popcorn at the movies, mister. While we're at it we should get a large, so we can score the free candy deal. Something random, like Gummi Bears or those chocolate-covered cookie dough bits whose boxes lead you to believe there are more of them than there actually are."

"I love those!" Link gasped. "My dad always told me I'd get stomach poisoning some day because I would end up eating half the batter when my mom was making cookies. I just couldn't help it; the dough was so much better than the finished product."

"I know, right? Too bad raw egg is so, like…not good."

"That was put nicely."

"Thanks."

Leah returned with their check. "Well, thank you for coming to P.F. Chang's, and I hope you have a _hao ji le _night… which reminds me, I forgot to give you these." She tossed each of them a fortune cookie. "Mind, they're not so much 'fortunes' these days as much as stuff like 'remember the tortoises beat the hares of life' and stuff like that."

Link and Zelda laughed. "Tell me about it," the former said. "Well, at least now, I don't have to worry about getting hit by lightning once I walk outside because it's what my fortune cookie predicted would happen to me."

Their waitress gave him one of her rare smiles. Then she seemed to remember where she was and said, "Well, like I said, thank you for coming this evening to our humble establishment, and please do come again." Leah then promptly turned to take the orders of the people sitting behind them. Zelda took out a twenty and slipped it into the girl's pocket.

Link raised his eyebrows at her. "Sweet tip, Zelda."

She shrugged. "After two consecutive years of getting pathetic tips myself, I figured I should help the kid add more money to that fund of getting out of the waiting world. _I_ sure didn't think I'd still be waitressing at this stage of my life; I don't think people realize how difficult it can be sometimes." She got to her feet and pulled on her jacket. "They don't respect their waiters enough."

Feeling a little awkward, Link said, "If that's how you feel about it, Zel, drinks are on me, too."

Zelda looked at him. She didn't really get what he was saying or how it was connected to what she'd been talking about, but she could understand where the gesture was coming from, and she laughed. "Thanks. That's very gracious of you."

He opened his fortune cookie and said, "Chivalry ain't dead." He read the so-called fortune and snorted a laugh. "Huh."

"What's it say?"

"It says, 'An apple a day keeps the doctor away, so stock up on apples.' Well that was very original." He turned the paper over. "How do you say banana in Chinese?"

"I have absolutely no idea."

"_Xiang jiao_," he told her, predictably ruining the pronunciation horribly. With a sigh he threw out the slip of paper, and then asked Zelda what hers said.

"Mine doesn't have Learn Chinese on the back," she reported, sounding a little disappointed. "Anyway, the fortune says, 'Attempt the impossible in order to improve your work.' Hm, that's not too bad."

"I think that's a Bette Davis quote," Link said in an offended voice.

"Maybe she stole it from the people who make up fortune cookies," Zelda teased. They reached Link's car in the parking garage and getting in, she asked, "So you really like those old movies, do you?"

"Yup," he answered, starting the engine. "For me, t'ain't nothing better than sitting back and watching something in black and white. People usually slam those old movies for having cheesy dialogue or hokey acting, but don't movies today have those, too? I mean, who ever told Paris Hilton she should be an actress? And what about all those wanna-be comedies that have some of the lamest lines ever written?"

"And what of Garbo?" Zelda chimed in, realizing Link had a point. "She was far from hokey; even _I _know that. You'll have to give me a proper introduction to old movies, because I'm afraid I've been brought up to label them as dull and er, stupid."

"Don't worry," Link said. "I'll give you a crash course. Ever hear of Bogart, Brando, Hepburn, Crawford, or Monroe?"

"Well, yes… I mean, Hepburn's _Sabrina_ is one of my favorite movies," Zelda responded.

"Really?" Link asked, who had actually been thinking of Katharine Hepburn, but whatever. "Bet you couldn't stand the remake."

"Ugh, no way!" Zelda cried. "That was awful. I can't believe Harrison Ford participated in that garbage. And how dare they try to have some one recreate such a classic role of Hepburn's—almost as appalling as having Jennifer Love Hewitt portray her in a movie—you know?"

"I remember the first time I saw Sabrina, I didn't like her French hairdo," Link remarked. "Thought she was way hotter—er, sorry—_nicer_ looking with the long hair and ponytail." He coughed, and the tips of his ears went pink.

Zelda smiled. "Yeah, I agree."

"Anyway, what about the names Shearer, Winters, O'Brien, Cagney, Robinson, or Stanwyck?" Link inquired.

"…okay now those mean absolutely nothing to me."

"I can't believe you work at Frankie's and don't even know Cagney," Link said in an amused tone of voice. "Kiddo, you've got a lot of movies to watch with me."

"Malon will be very pleased," Zelda assured him.

"Did you ever watch _Roseanne_?" Link asked her.

"Yeah, are you kidding? That was my favorite show of all time! Darlene Conner is like my hero. …wait, why do you ask?"

"Well I just asked you if you knew Winters, as in Shelley Winters, and she played Roseanne's grandmother."

"_Really? _Wow! She was like my favorite character on that show, after Darlene and Jackie!" Zelda gasped in shock. "Cool."

"Yeah, and she was Mrs. van Daan in _The Diary of Anne Frank_, too," Link informed her, pulling into the parking lot of the movie theater. "Got an Oscar for it."

"I didn't care much for that movie, unfortunately," Zelda said. "The girl who played Anne was waaay too American for my liking."

"I concur."

Then Zelda remembered what movie they were seeing, and she seemed to have been imbued with a fresh wave of excitement—something many people were noticing, because she was bouncing up and down with anticipation.

"This is so amazing, Link!" she said. "The best part is that it's PG-13, you know? I remember reading the fourth book and thinking there was no way they'd get away with making it a PG."

"Yeah, it's going to be so cool," Link agreed. "The only sad thing is, I read they've left out Mrs. Weasley and the Dursleys."

Zelda stopped walking and stared at him for nearly a full minute. "…no. Please tell me you are kidding."

"Sadly, I kid you not," he sighed. "They had to cut them out."

"No…Dursleys? No Aunt Petunia, no Uncle Vernon?"

"And no Dudley, either," Link said, grimacing with annoyance. "Or Mrs. Weasley. Sucks, doesn't it?"

"What next, Hollywood?" Zelda cried. "Going to take away Luna Lovegood, too? Oh, the _humanity_…"

Eventually succeeding in calming down his date, Link acquiesced to her earlier request and bought a large popcorn and two medium sized drinks, resulting in their receiving a free box of—

"Squiggly sour worms!" they proclaimed with delight.

"These are so awesome," Zelda said. "They're so… squiggly!"

"And sour!"

"And multi-colored!"

Once their excitement had died down somewhat, they entered their theater and sat through the incredibly un-cool trailers before the movie started. A collective round of applause arose from the audience when the film's name come on screen; Link and Zelda whooped appreciatively for Miranda Richardson, their favorite British person, when she came on screen; they muttered to each other the ridiculousness of how long the dragon fight went on—outside the enclosure, no less ("I mean really, how are they supposed to grade his efforts if they can't see what's going on?" Zelda asked). A loud "awww" arose from the audience as they saw the already-pretty Hermione tentatively arrive at the Yule Ball, and Zelda appropriately cried when a very hot person in the movie was killed.

Approximately two and half hours later or however long it was, Link and Zelda left the theater, comparing and contrasting the book and movie's views on things like Rita Skeeter ("Why wasn't she given more screen time?" Link demanded with annoyance) and Dumbledore ("Why was he like…evil?" Zelda wondered). In the car, to Zelda's amusement, Link did a spectacular exaggerated impersonation of the outrageous Dumbledore. R.I.P. Richard Harris.

"Well I have to say, overall…that movie was fantastic," Zelda sighed, leaning back in her seat. "…thank you so much for taking me."

Link thought quickly of how best to respond. "Absolutely, Zel. I had a great time, too; been dying to see that movie."

"And dinner, too, of course," Zelda added. "It was wonderful. I had forgotten how much I loved P. F. Chang's and their wacky fortune cookies."

He laughed. "Wacky, yeah. Wait, which way do I turn here?"

"Oh, go right. Then you just go straight for a couple blocks and you're there."

"Right." There then followed an odd silence between the two of them. Zelda softly told him to stop in front of her complex, and she waited a moment before actually getting out of the car. She really wanted to ask him something, but felt awkward doing it. Fortunately for her, Link said it instead: "So, d'you want to go out again sometime?"

"Yeah, yeah, I do," she replied almost a little too enthusiastically. "Just drop by the diner some time this week and we… we can work something out."

"Will do," he said, grinning.

"Bye…"

"See ya."

Zelda got out of the car and went to the door of the complex, turning back and waving as Link drove away. She got an unexpected surprise, though, when she went into her apartment: Malon was waiting for her.

"Dude, how was it?" she asked the second Zelda was in sight.

Her friend stared at her. "Have you been waiting for me all night?"

"No, I just got here half an hour ago to see if you'd gotten home yet." She smiled devilishly. "What took you so long, anyway?"

"For your information, we went to go see the new Harry Potter movie," Zelda told her icily, sticking out her tongue.

"WHAT?" Malon asked, her attitude totally changed. "He… wait, where did you eat dinner?"

"P.F. Chang's."

"Okay. So he takes you to the best Chinese restaurant in the country _and then_ he took you to this movie we've been wanting to see since the book's release in 2000?" Malon pulled on her hair. "You picked a winner this time, Zel."

"Tell me about it." She then proceeded to push Malon towards the door. "Now if you don't mind, dear, I'd like to catch up on my sleep. I'm very tired."

"Oh, nice appreciation for somebody who took your shift out of the goodness of her heart!" Malon scoffed. "C'mon, tell me all the dark, dirty details!"

"If there _were_ any, I would wait to tell them to you at work tomorrow," Zelda said. "Good-bye!"

"But Zelda, come on! Oh fine, you were always unreasonable anyway." Taking her jacket off the hook near the door, Malon saw herself the rest of the way out.

And Zelda promptly changed, got into bed, and opened up _Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix_.

**A/N**: **The end of the date, part deux. Hope it wasn't _complete_ tripe. Also, I feel like thanking the people who reviewed, so…yeah:**

**Achitka**: I'm glad you found the time to read this, too! Encouraging reviews are always quite excellent to receive, and like you said, longer is always better! My second longest story has gotten the most reviews, so maybe I'll try it again… ha, ha.

**Bridget**: I know… Why did it have to happen to Dumbly-dorr? (sniff sniff). I'm glad you liked the Harry Potter trivia, because being such a dork, I couldn't help putting it in.

**Hopeless Maiden**: You don't like Harry/Ginny? Well my friend, you're not alone, but I am absolutely crazy about that couple. Maybe it's the likeness to James/Lily, but I think it's more than that for me. Don't know what it is, but I love those two together. Did you like Ron/Hermione, or are you a Harry/Hermione person? Anyway, here's your update!

**zelda's baby girl**: Yay! Glad I was able to make your day with that weird chapter. You rock as well, girl! Sorry about the Harry Potter madness in my fics, but I promise it will not come up again so prominently (by the way, I have to _highly_ recommend reading the series… really, I do).

**Silverpistola**: I am almost embarrassed to say that I am _such_ a Harry Potter freak, it took me virtually no time at all to think up those trivia questions. What took so long was deciding which ones to use! Trust me, I know too much about Harry Potter for my own good. Glad you were able to appreciate the chapter though, and I hope you liked this one!

**SnowCrystal**: Unfortunately, I fear a death will occur in book seven. Have no idea who, but people have their theories… anyway, I'm glad you don't mind the HP references, because it's something I've become very self-concious about it! Thank you for the good luck on my new story, which I've started to write in a notebook during chem class!

**The Princess Zelda**: Yes, Wicked DOES rock! So amazingly good… tee hee, thanks for the go-ahead to continue, because it really matters to me what the readers think.

**Sesshoumaru's wife**: Whee! You liked the chapter! (does dance of joy) By the way, am I totally screwing this up, or is Sesshoumaru Inu-Yasha's half-brother or something?

**Waendolien**: Sweet! Your review was one of the best I've gotten as of late! Thank you for the seal of approval on my incorporating Harry Potter into my Zelda fics, but I'm going to hold up on it because I know some readers aren't into it. Also, I've started writing my Harry/Ginny story but I don't know if it'll be up anytime soon.

**Sakurelle**: Amazing how well Link and Zelda go together, isn't it? Only in fiction. I'm surprised I updated as soon as I did, relatively.

Well, thank you all for reviewing, once more. Also, I plan on referencing **Blue Lagoon** in my next chapter, so that's just a, um… thing you might want to know about. Bye!


	10. Stars, Hide Your Fires

A/N: Yes... it's an actual update, after months and months of nothing. I don't even know if people are interested in reading this anymore. However, I have at long last decided that a job begun is only half-done, so I'm going to attempt to dedicate my summer to ending my unfinished fan-fictions. Be aware I am working on two additional stories that are in notebooks and intended to be not only more serious, but much longer. Also now that my brother's going to college I'm sure to get to use this computer to write more. Yes.

&-

Zelda's phone rang bright and early the next morning. Her eyes opened to the underside of her covers, and she realized she'd been twisted up hopelessly in her sheets. By the time she was able to untangle herself, the phone had quit ringing. Getting up from the place she'd fallen on the floor, Zelda ran to pick up the phone, as the person calling was kind enough to be in the middle of leaving a message.

"I know you're there, Zelda, you must be! Where else would you be at this hour? Pick up your phone! Get out of the bathroom or whatever, and follow the sultry sound of my voice to your message machi—"

"Malon," Zelda interrupted, picking up the phone. "Give it a rest."

"Oh, you _are _there!" Malon said gleefully. "Cool. I want all the details of what happened last night."

"Uh-huh...and you couldn't call me later because...why?"

"Because we have the breakfast shift this morning and I want you to have enough time to tell me everything! Hello!"

Zelda jumped and ran back into her bedroom. "Crud, I forgot we had morning shift today!"

"How on Earth could you forget?"

Changing her clothes and trying to keep the phone balanced on her shoulder, Zelda replied, "I dunno, I guess just because last night was so—oops, sorry!" The phone dropped to floor with a loud clunk as Zelda quickly pulled on a T-shirt. She picked it up and resumed with putting on socks. "Last night I was kind of, you know, distracted... and I wasn't really thinking about work."

She winced as Malon let out a long, high-pitched squeal. "I can't wait for the low-down! I'll be at your place in like, ten minutes to pick you up."

"Okay," Zelda sighed. "And no offense or anything, Mal, but you really need to get your own—"

"Love life, I know," Malon said. "But at the mo', I don't have one. So you're like my soap opera. I need to know what's going on in your world."

"Right...'kay, well, see you in a few, then. Bye."

"Ciao!"

Dropping her phone on the bed, Zelda rushed to the bathroom and grabbed a toothbrush. The events of the previous night kept running through her head like a film reel. Laughing at something funny Link had said, she nearly gagged on her Crest tooth-paste. Once recovering, she began pondering about a dream she'd had last night, and related the tale of it a few moments later in Malon's car...

"...it was like we—me and Link—were in _The Blue Lagoon_," she said to her gum-chewing friend as they drove down the avenue. "I was...hey, would you take out those ear phones? They make me feel like you're not listening to me."

"Nothing's on," Malon said, taking the iPod out of her pocket. "I'm just too lazy to take them out. Besides, I'm all psyched to hear you finish your story."

"You _are_ lazy," Zelda muttered, stowing the iPod inbetween their seats. "Anywho, it was basically like...I was the Brooke Shields character in the movie, and Link was the, you know, guy, and it was just so romantic."

"Yah, I bet it was!" Malon laughed.

"Oh, it was really not that raunchy," Zelda said. "It was just the _idea_ of it that was romantic. Like if my dream was an '80s movie, it would've been a PG."

"Which, considering it was an '80s movie, really isn't saying that much," Malon snickered. This comment cost her a bruise-less left arm as Zelda retaliated with a punch to said limb.

"Right, so anyway, like I told you last night, he took me to P. F. Chang's," Zelda continued. "It was—"

"Jumping Jehovah, the lighting in there is so romantic!" Malon interjected.

"Yes, yes it is," Zelda concurred. "So we got this kid of a waitress who was probably no older than sixteen or seventeen; she'd literally bulldozed Link earlier at the bus station in her attempt to board the already-in-motion-vehicle, so she felt kind of awkward at first, but I think we were okay eventually ...and then I found out that he is as much of a Harry Potter freak as I am."

"Really? As in, would he be able to tell me what the eighth word in the second sentence of paragraph four in chapter twelve of book three was?"

"DEMENTORS!" Zelda shouted.

Malon stared at her. Zelda stared back.

"...sorry," the blonde apologized. She cleared her throat. "I'm really not that obsessed, really... a-hem... as I was saying, what I meant by his being equally obsessed is that he could answer nearly all the Harry Potter trivia questions I asked him. Now that right there is a fine quality in a man, if you ask me."

"Quite," Malon agreed. "So how was the movie?"

"Malon, it was amazing! The best yet, and quite welcome as well, considering how disappointing the third one was..."

"Good to know. I have to see it soon, would you want to again?"

"Um, do spiders flee before basilisks?" Zelda asked. Malon didn't say anything. "...yes, I'd love to go with you."

"Fabulous." The red-head pulled into Frankie's parking lot. "Well," she said, "here's to another wonderfully exerting morning serving the elderly and the impatient."

"You said it," Zelda sighed, getting out of the car. They walked into the restaurant, where they were immediately greeted by an ecstatic looking Ruto.

"Hi guys!" she squealed loudly, embracing them both tightly at the same time.

"Uh, hi, Ruto," Zelda said back. "Not that I don't love you or anything, but could you please not choke me?"

"Oh, sorry!" she apologized giddily, letting the two of them go.

Rubbing her neck, Malon said, "Yeesh, why the sudden burst of happiness?"

"Because I think people should _always_ be this happy!" Ruto gushed. "Especially if they wait on the old who need sensitivity and optimism! You guys should follow suit!"

They stared at her. She blinked, still smiling, then skipped away, back to her place in the kitchen.

"Whaddya think, girls?" asked Frankie himself, seemingly appearing out of nowhere. "I've decided that in order to keep this place more popular and pleasing to our mainstream customers, our staff should adopt a happier attitude!"

"What do you mean, happier?" Malon asked. "What're we, emo?"

"Don't you use your young people jargon on me, missy!" Frankie warned her. "If you keep up your morale, you'll keep up the customers' morale! They'll return again and again because of the cheery service they remember from here!"

"Boss, half these people can't remember their middle names, let alone whatever kind of service they encountered here," Zelda pointed out. "They just keep coming back because they notice the '40s layout. Besides, unlike most retro diners our food is actually _good_, which should be enough to inspire them to come back."

"Besides, what's all this about morale?" Malon asked. "We're running a food place, not a WWII Canteen!"

"And in addition to that, I don't think my role model would approve of this new decision," Zelda said.

"And who would your role model be?" Frank asked skeptically, folding his arms impatiently. "Daria Morgendorffer?"

"Darlene Conner."

"All right, all right, girls," Frankie sighed. "I can't _make_ you be as cheery as Ruto. But it'll keep you from getting the raise she is."

"No way, Ruto gets a raise for being overly friendly?" Malon asked incredulously. "What if she inadvertently scares someone off?"

"...we'll hope that won't happen," Frankie replied. And with that, he swept off to his mysteriously-located office.

"Well now I'm depressed," Zelda remarked, stepping behind the cash register.

"I don't see why you are," Malon said, standing on her toes and looking out the window. "It's looks as if your new beau is coming into our humble establishment."

"WHAT?"

True to Malon's word, Link and Mikau were indeed making their way from the latter's car towards Frankie's. When he came in through the main door, Zelda nearly slipped on the newly waxed floor in her effort to get over to him. Instead, she slipped on some bacon grease Ruto had spilled earlier.

"WHOOAAA—AHH!" With a loud clunk, our heroine fell to the floor rather ungracefully. Ouch.

Amused, Link walked up to the counter and peered over at her. "Nice fall."

She quickly stood up and smoothed out her worker's apron. "I try." Link laughed, and that made Zelda laugh, which made Malon and Mikau laugh, and pretty much they soon turned into a quartet of laughing lunatics.

"That's the spirit, Zelda!" Frankie called to them, sticking his head briefly out of his office. "Be jocund!" He shut the door again and the laughter abruptly stopped.

"What does jocund mean?" Link asked, raising an eyebrow.

"I think it means to be merry," Malon replied, starting to wipe the counter they were all standing at with a wet dish rag.

"Like as in, have a jocund Christmas?" Zelda asked.

"Right," Link chuckled.

"Why do you know what the word 'jocund' means?" Mikau curiously asked their red-headed companion.

For a moment Malon seemed to go into a reverie, looking out into space. Then she struck a dramatic pose and declared, "'Be thou jocund! Ere the bat hath flown his cloistered flight, ere to black Hecate's summons, the shard-borne beetle with his drowsy hums hath rung night's yawning peal, there shall be done a deed of dreadful note!'"

They stared. Malon cheerfully (or jocund-ly) continued washing the counter, humming, and apparently oblivious to the fact that she had just completely weirded-out everyone else.

Then finally, Link asked, "Who the heck is Hecate?"

"Oh," Malon said, seeming to snap immediately back to reality. "Well... when I was in high school, I had to memorize a scene of Shakespeare with one of my friends, and we decided to MacBeth, and he was Lady MacBeth and I was MacBeth because of the whole gender reversal thing, you know? So anyway, 'jocund' was in one of his paragraphs and I had to look up what it meant."

Another silence followed this explanation, which Zelda eventually broke by inquiring, "Wait...there's cross-dressing in MacBeth?"

At long last Malon finally looked up to stare at _them_, saying, "You've read MacBeth, haven't you?"

They all shook their heads.

"Basically what I meant by the whole gender reversal thing was—well actually no, I'm _not_ going to tell you what I basically meant. You'll just have to get the play and read it for yourself!" She stuck her tongue out at them.

"Yeah, right!" Zelda scoffed. "Like I'm gonna read Shakespeare when I don't have to. Please."

"I'll just get the Roman Polanski version," Link concurred. "Want to come over and watch it Zel?"

"It's a date."

"Cool. When do you get off tonight?"

Zelda was about to reply, but Malon spoke before she could. "She actually gets off at two, today. Not one or one-thirty, Zelda, TWO."

"Right, yeah," the blonde said. "That's it."

"Sweet! I'll come back for you, then."

"Wait, aren't you two fine gents going to order something?" Malon asked.

"Uh, sure," said Mikau, grabbing Link's sleeve and forcing him to sit down on one of the bar chairs. "I'll take a, uh... an omelette. Cheese."

"Righto, gov'ner," Malon said. "And what about your friend, here?"

"Um..." Link stared at the menu. "Water...and a couple of your Belgian waffles, I guess. Astonish me!"

"When you say 'a couple,' do you mean two, or like, three to four?" questioned Zelda. "Because we have some guys who say a couple and want two, and then some guys who say a couple and demand they ordered more."

"Two will be fine," Link assured her, returning the menu and smiling (rather adorably, I might add).

"Hey, Link," said Malon. "Did Zelda tell you she had this dream last night where she and you were—"

"—visiting the set of the fifth Harry Potter movie?" Zelda quickly interrupted to keep her friend from completely mortifying her. "Yeah, yeah, we were like... there. In England. With Daniel Radcliffe and everyone."

"Ohmygosh he's so hot," Malon whispered under her breath.

"And..." Zelda stared at her. "Ew, Malon, you pedophile."

"I'm not a pedophile," Malon defended herself. "I'm allowed to say that people younger than me are...attractive."

"Yeah," Mikau seconded.

"Besides, critics were behaving the same way about Brooke Shields when _The Blue Lagoon_ came out," Malon said, winking.

"HEY!" shouted a particularly cantankerous old fellow a few tables back. "WOULD YOU PLEASE PAY ATTENTION TO THE REST OF US!"

_That night..._

"This movie's really bloody," Zelda remarked, as she and Link watched the scene in which the Thane of Glamis and Cawdor murdered Duncan in _MacBeth_. "Oh, gross!"

"I didn't really even realize that Shakespeare wrote such violent stuff," Link commented. "...cool!" A beeping sound went off in the kitchen. Patting Zelda on the shoulder as he removed his arm from around her he said, "Popcorn's done."

She paused the movie and followed him into the other room. As Link emptied the bag into a large bowl, Zelda eyed an even bigger bowl holding some kind of red liquid. "What is this?"

Link looked at it for a moment, then remembered, "That was Mikau's. It's some kind of fruit punch. He was going to bring it for his cousin's piano recital, but ended up forgetting it, I suppose."

"...so it would be okay if we had it, right?" Zelda asked, smirking.

"I'll get the ladle." True to his word, Link opened a nearby drawer and took out the said utensil. Subsequently he plopped it into the bowl and stirred it around, cackling, "Double, double, toil, and trouble!"

Zelda cackled evilly as well, picking up two plastic cups that were on the counter. "Uh—something, something, cauldron bubble!" They burst into rounds of evil laughter. It was rather loud, and so saying, it reached the ears of two certain neighbors who just happened to be walking by.

A knock sounded at the door, and Link went to answer it. It was Saria with her grandmother, Impa.

"My goodness, are you all right?" the elder one asked worriedly. "We heard loud noises coming from within!"

"Oh, sorry," Link apologized. "We were just watching _MacBeth_, and got a little carried away with the—"

"I love _MacBeth_!" Impa gushed loudly. "'Out, damn spot, out, I say!' Oh, yes!"

Zelda jumped when a weeny little puppy whipped between her legs, from inside of the house and out towards the yard. "What the—"

"Ah, no," Link said. "That's Mikau's dog, S—"

"Let me guess," Zelda said darkly. "Spot."

"Good one."

"Oh dear, I'm so sorry," Impa apologized, pressing her hand daintily to her heart.

"It's fine," Link and Zelda said simultaneously. The former turned to the latter (...) and asked, "Ever chase a Chinese Crested Terrier in the dark before?"

"Nope." She grinned. "Let's go see what it's like!"

So instead of spending the night cozily watching a movie about a grotesque murder spree, Link and Zelda spent their unofficial, unorthodox second date running around the neighborhood trying to catch a nervous puppy.

&-

A/N: Yeah, well, that was quite random. That's what you get, though, when writer's block starts attacking. I know how annoying it is when an author starts something you really like and doesn't finish it, so I'm at least trying to finish them, so... yeah. Have a very jocund day.


	11. The Never Ending Story

A/N: Yes, it's been a while. Old sawyerzelda's been bitten by the bugs. Actually, two bugs: writer's block, and lack of interest. I'm going to keep trying to resurrect this story, though, because I still like the ones I'm writing. It's just getting tough, now that I'm going to be a junior. Updates will be few and far between. Just thought I'd mention that. But for now, enjoy this piece of crap.

&-

A Few Weeks Later...

Zelda had a problem.

"Malon, I have a problem," Zelda said at work.

"Um, yes, I know," Malon said kindly, taking her friend's hand gently. "So if this is about how the little toe on your left foot can sometimes get sort of—"

"This is not about my toe," Zelda interrupted her with the utmost seriousness. "It's... _female trouble_."

"Haven't seen a Divine movie lately, have you?" Malon joked.

"_I_ have!" came a voice from the counter. Malon and Zelda turned to see Saria and Impa sitting there, the latter one having just spoken. She went on. "It was the loveliest movie in the world! I saw it on TCM's tribute to June Allyson."

"Why was there a tribute for June Allyson?" Zelda inquired. "Was it her birthday or something?"

"Zel, you know who June Allyson is?" Malon asked, sounding surprised.

"Yeah doi," Zelda replied. "My mom was Elizabeth Taylor's biggest fan in the world and so we watched this old movie called _Little Women_ every Christmas—it was like a tradition, you know?—and June played Jo. And Jo is, of course, the coolest character who like, ever was. Winona Ryder almost did her justice. But Junie's always been my favorite. I like, _worship_ her."

Malon and Impa exchanged glances.

"So, uh, yeah," Zelda said. "Sorry, what were you saying about her? Why was there that tribute?"

"Um, dear," Impa said kindly. "June Allyson... died."

Zelda stared at her. She looked from Impa to Malon, as if hoping the red-head would contradict the old lady in some way. "..._no_."

"Yes."

"NOOO!" Zelda cried. She consequently burst into tears and sank onto the counter top, absolutely sobbing. "June! Allyson! DEAD! When did this happen?"

"Last week," Impa answered sadly. "Bronchitis, or...something."

"Zel, I think you're kind of overreacting," Malon said in a level voice. "I mean, you didn't even know—"

"I felt like I knew her! She was my hero when I was twelve years old! I was going to write her a letter but—now—she's DEAD!"

And with that, Zelda ran into the bathroom, still wailing desperately.

Saria stared after her. "Is she on something?"

"I believe it was PMS," Malon answered (an old man who had been dropping eaves on them sputtered and choked on his coffee. They paid him no attention).

"Well, I did rather feel like crying when I found out she passed on," Impa sighed. "Heaven bless the stars of the days when one could walk into a theater and know they were not about to be bombarded with FILTH!" She gave Saria a dirty look, as if the abolishing of the Hayes Code had all been her idea.

"Grandma," Saria sighed, exasperated.

"Unbelievable!" Impa turned to speak to Malon, who looked slightly amused. "I was scandalized. We went to the theater to watch this movie, the story of which concerned a man and a woman who slept together after having only known each other for SEVEN HOURS!"

"Get a grip, Grandma, this is the new millennium," Saria said.

"Yes, but in _my_ millennium you didn't see naked people cavorting about in bed after having barely known each other!" Impa said, breathing heavily.

"Yeah, you didn't even see 'em in the same bed," Malon muttered under breath.

"Hey, people weren't so righteous back in the day," Saria pointed out. "They gave the _illusion_ of having class. Like that Joan Crawfish, or whoever. She was always playing hussys. I mean, you said so yourself! One of her movies was even called 'The Gorgeous Hussy!' I mean, helllll_oooo!_"

"She has a point," Malon chimed in. "There were plenty of skanks and sluts in old movies. They just had to be a lot more discreet about it."

Impa scowled. "Exactly. There was subtlety. Nowadays you can just get away with showing whatever you want, and—"

"Hey, what was that Audrey Hepburn move about lesbians called again?" Saria asked Malon curiously.

"GAH!" Impa put her hands over her ears and banged her head on the table.

It was perhaps fortunate that at this time, Zelda decided to re-emerge from the bathroom. Apparently she'd calmed down somewhat, and was ready to resume work. She picked up some menus from under Malon's elbow and went off to serve table 3.

Malon clicked her tongue. "Poor kid." A phone rang nearby, and she picked it up. "Hello, Frankie's Diner Restaurant thingy, how may I help youuuu?"

"Hey; it's Link. Is this Malon?"

"Oh, hi, Link! Whassup?"

"Not much... how's it going down at the diner restaurant thingy?"

They both laughed. "It's okay...only Zelda just found out that June Allyson died." There came no response. "Hello? Link?"

"She...oh. So... so Zelda liked her, then?" he asked in an oddly strained sounding tone of voice.

"Yeah, apparently," Malon said casually.

"Right, okay," Link said. "So, um... yeah. Mikau and I were wondering if you and Zelda wanted to come over tonight and watch a movie." He issued an odd sort of sniffing noise, as if he was trying to clear a stuffed noise.

Malon almost laughed. "Link, are you crying?"

"NO!" he said. He coughed and continued. "So what do you say?"

"Yeah, sure," Malon said, grinning. "Me and Zel can meet you around six. Let's go to Hollywood Video, we'll meet you there."

"Okay," Link said distractedly. "Okay. Cool. See you guys then, ...then. Bye."

"Ciao!" Malon said cheerfully, then hung up the phone. Then something seemed to register with her. "Hey, where's Ruto?"

"She went on vacation to Ventura," Zelda said, coming back to the counter where her posse was. "Visiting family." She frowned. "I guess that's why I didn't get her card."

"What card?" Impa asked. "Is it your birthday, dear?"

"No," Zelda answered. "Our friend Ruto likes to send everyone a card during their time of the month."

"...oh."

"Yeah. She's interesting." Zelda sniffed and started pouring some coffee. Her eyes were a bit red.

Pitying her, Malon said, "Hey, honey, sorry you're so bummed. You want something to eat? Like, some, uh.. bacon, or something?"

"Are you calling me fat?" Zelda asked, her eyes narrowing.

"Um, no," Malon said, her eyebrows raising.

"Because you are what you eat, and you just suggested I eat bacon, which is made of fat," Zelda hissed. "And you call yourself a friend!" She stalked off.

Saria poked at her side salad. "With that logic, I guess I'm one of the few human vegetables who can talk and walk around."

Malon snorted a laugh and waited for Zelda to come back. "By the way, Little Miss Sunshine, we're meeting your boyfriend and my ex-boyfriend for a movie tonight. So try to cheer up a bit."

"HOW can I cheer up when we're destroying the ozone layer, my daffodils died, Bush is the President—no offense, Saria," she added.

"None taken," said Saria the Republican.

"—there are starving children in China, my microwave oven is broken, and June Allyson is dead?" Zelda shouted. "How am I supposed to cheer up when—wait, do you mean Link?"

"Is he your boyfriend?" Malon asked wearily.

"Yes..." Zelda said, as if she was unsure as to whether or not this was a trick question.

"Then yes," Malon said. "I mean Link."

"Oh my gosh, yay!" Zelda exclaimed, looking almost painfully happy. "I'm going to see Link again! Isn't that great?" She hugged Saria. "Isn't this so great, Saria? I'm gonna see Link tonight! Oh, happy day!"

"Yippee for you," Saria grumbled.

"It's been _ages_ since I've seen him!" Zelda gushed.

"Yeah, a whole, what, sixteen hours?" Malon teased her.

"Excuse me," said someone behind the blonde. "Could I get a—"

"I'M SEEING LINK TONIGHT!" Zelda shouted at the girl. She did a double take. "Hey, do I know you from some place?"

"Uh...mm.." The girl stared at her with dark brown eyes, and started twisting her even darker black hair around her finger. "Actually, now that you mention—"

"You're that girl from P. F. Chang's!" Zelda said with the excitement of one who had just spotted the ghost of James Dean. "Yeah! And you like, ran over Link at the bus stop! DUDE!"

"Right," said the girl, hesitantly taking a seat next to Saria. "And you were the Harry Potter freak."

"Yeah, and you too!" Zelda said. "I'm Zelda!"

"So I gathered from your name tag," said the girl. "I didn't know you were a waitress, too."

"Well, yep! I am," Zelda said. "Oh, and these are my friends Malon, Saria, and Impa. Malon works here, too."

"Hi, I'm Leah," the girl said awkwardly, waving to them all.

"Breakfast Club," Saria said, eyeing Leah's shirt. "Classic. I like it."

"Thanks!"

"Well _I _ do not!" Impa said vehemently.

"Grandma, you've never even seen 'The Breakfast Club,'" Saria pointed out, giving Leah an apologetic glance.

"You think I don't know trash when I see it?" Impa breathed.

"You're being very rude," Saria said.

"No, she's just being honest," Leah said, shrugging. "_My_ grandma doesn't like it, either. But then, she doesn't like anything I do. The clothes I wear, the makeup I put on, the movies I watch, the music I listen to, the guys I go out with, the..."

As Leah went on to list the things her grandmother didn't like, Zelda whispered to Malon, "So, what're we doing tonight with Link and Mikau?"

"Oh, just gonna rent a movie. We're meeting them at Hollywood Video."

"Okay. Cool!"

"Where'd you meet the kid?"

"On my first date with Link," Zelda said, smiling. "She's very nice." The two of them turned their attention back to said "kid," who was looking up at the ceiling in thought, and still counting things off on her fingers.

"...the sports I like to play, the brand of raisins I eat—"

"So, Leah!" Zelda said loudly. "Gonna order something? Sorry, we don't have any complimentary fortune cookies here, but I could let you have a straw for free." She pulled a staw out from a shelf under the counter.

"Hey, you have straws?" an old man shouted from a corner of the restaurant, holding up a straw-less glass.

"We have straws?" Malon asked, looking utterly surprised.

"Are they some kind of novelty?" Leah asked, looking entertained.

"We just got a whole box yesterday!" Zelda beamed. She pulled out a huge box of straws and started to walk around the restaurant distributing them.

Frankie stuck his big-shot head out from his big-shot office door, looking elated. "We have straws?"

&- Later That Day...

Zelda and Malon pulled into the Hollywood Video parking lot, where they spied Mikau's car there already.

"Malon, would you stop that infernal whistling?" Zelda asked. "You're driving me insane!"

"Sorry," the redhead apologized. They entered the video store.

"Hey, guys!" Link said. He walked over and gave Zelda a bear hug that lifted her right off the floor.

"Oh, that's so cute!" Malon sighed as Link set Zelda back down.

The blonde subsequently tousled Link's hair and swiftly kissed his cheek. "Hope we didn't keep you guys waiting too long."

"No, we just got here," Mikau said.

"Good!"

"What kind of movie do you guys want to get?" Link asked.

"A complex and dazzlingly dizzying story that concerns a mildly confused intellectual who is horrified to realize that his one true love is the creation of his mad scientist Uncle: a half-human, half-salamander experiment who is looking for love in all the wrong places!" Malon exclaimed.

The others stared at her.

She calmly picked up a tape on the return rack and turned it over to see that the back of what she'd just been reading was called 'The Mildly Confused Heterosexual Intellectual.' "Hm," she said. "I wonder if the half-human, half-salamander is the mad scientist Uncle or the mildly confused intellectual's one true love." She peered closer at the cover. "Hey, is that Rock Hudson?"

"Put that down," Zelda said. "I want to see a fantasy!"

"A fantasy?" Mikau asked skeptically.

"Yes! Do you have a problem?"

"No, there's no problem," Link answered for him. "C'mon, let's go, uh, look..."

A few minutes later, Zelda said, "How about 'The Never-Ending Story'?"

"I'm reading that right now," Malon said, who had picked up the latest Newsweek from the candy/magazine stand. "Good gosh, this article is ten pages long! Too bad it's not about anything actually _important_..."

Zelda looked over Malon's shoulder to see what she was reading about. "'High School Musical'? What's that?"

Mikau groaned. "Oh, some Disney movie."

"If you don't think that's important, why are you reading it?" Link asked.

"That Zac Efron dude is cute," Malon said, looking at his picture. "Really cute."

"You _are_ a pedophile!" Zelda moaned.

"No I'm not!" Malon said. "The guy is twenty! Geez!"

"Okay, okay, sorry..."

"I hope that the teenyboppers who watch that movie don't think High School is like a big Disney musical," Mikau said. "It's almost sad this had be imposed upon them. What were execs thinking?"

"Of making money," Link said.

Mikau sighed and shook his head. "The Gods must be crazy."

"Are you polytheistic, Mikau?" Zelda asked, looking surprised.

"Um, no, it's the name of this movie," Mikau said, pointing to a tape.

They ended up watching Hayao Miyazak's 'Castle In the Sky.'

"That was so cute!" Malon said when it was over. "What a sweet story."

"Yeah," Zelda said. With some effort, she heaved Link's arm off her. "Too bad the guys fell asleep."

"Oi. No appreciation for art, that's what that is."

The gals quietly left the house, not wishing to disturb their snoozing comrades, and got into Malon's car.

And this is about as anti-climatic as it gets, folks.

&-

A/N: Well, that was that. More to come eventually. Let's all have a moment of silence for the wonderful **June Allyson**... rest in peace, old girl.


	12. Paging Bonnie and Clyde

A/N: haha, get random much? This is the weirdest chapter perhaps ever written in the history of fanfiction. But hey; this story's coming to a close soon anyway. Just keep in mind: no one made you read this.

One merry day at work not far after the last chapter, Zelda was whistling to herself and washing the counter with a wet rag, when suddenly—

"PARTY!"

Zelda gasped loudly from shock and looked up. Malon was standing in front of her, her mouth open wide and eyebrows raised high with excitement.

"Um..."

"Mikau's birthday is this weekend."

"Mikau's birthday isn't until February," Zelda said slowly. "This is November."

"You know that, and I know that, and Ruto knows it, and Link probably knows it, but does that mean that everyone else has to know it?" Malon asked shrewdly. "You know how Mikau is. He's bitter that he wasn't born in winter."

"Mal. February's in winter. November, technically, is autumn."

"Right, that's what I meant. He wants to be an autumn. SO he's having his party at that joint down on 56th."

"What joint?" Zelda asked, slightly amused by the conversation.

"You know. The joint that does parties. Anyway, it's this weekend, and I was supposed to issue you and Link an invitation, so... here I am. Inviting you."

"Gee, thanks," Zelda laughed. "Although considering Link and Mikau are staying in the same house, I think he'd already know about—"

"Sh, sh, sh," Malon shushed here. "Now, the theme is—"

"Theme?" Zelda interrupted. "He's having a _birthday party_ with a _theme_? Geez, how old is Mikau turning, eight?"

"Come on, Zel, it'll be fun," Malon coaxed her. "It's a costume party."

"Oh, great," Zelda muttered under her breath.

"And," Malon continued, as if she had not heard Zelda's rude little remark, "you really do have to come with Link, because you're supposed to come as a famous couple."

"Aw, here we go," Zelda sighed. "Who're we supposed to be? ...wait, are you going to this party?"

"Yes, and before you ask, I got Frankie's son to go with me," Malon said.

"You mean the one with the—"

"No."

"Ohhh, the one with the—"

"Yes."

"He's pretty cute."

"Thanks. We're going as Bender and Claire from _The Breakfast Club_," Malon said, foofing her red hair.

"Good idea," Zelda said. "Who should Link and I be?"

"Hmm... Mary Pickford and Douglas Fairbanks?"

"Who?"

"Or Greta Garbo and John Gilbert!"

"John Gilbert, yeah, _there's _somebody everyone would recognize," Zelda said in a very sarcastic tone.

"Never mind, never mind... oh, wait a second." She poured coffee into the empty cup she'd been holding the last five minutes, and quickly ran back to an old lady with it. Then she returned to Zelda and gasped, saying, "Nick and Nora Charles!"

"Are they customers?"

Malon narrowed her eyes. "Bite your tongue."

"Look, Mal, I'm constantly around movies all day long, every day," Zelda said, printing out the receipt for the crochety old dude at the counter. "Can't you think of famous couples who _aren't _movie stars?"

"Uh... JFK and Jackie O.?"

"Morbid."

"Rhett Butler and Scarlett O'Hara!"

"Yeah, I'm going to show up to a party in full Civil War garb."

"Um... hmm..."

All of a sudden, the doors of Frankie's burst open with such a force that had never before been. Everyone turned to look at the doorway, where they saw a man and a woman looking as if they had just come of the streets of 1930s America. Both were holding handguns.

"This here's a stickup!" said the guy in the fedora.

"We rob banks," explained his lady friend who was donning a beret.

"Um.. .this is not a bank," Malon said. "It's a restaurant diner thingy."

The two bank robbers looked carefully around Frankie's, taking in the atmosphere. They saw old people cluttered around tables with crappy looking food, Malon standing by a soda machine, Zelda behind a register, and some old lady trying to fish her teeth out of a glass of water.

"There's a bank down the street, though, if you keep going," Zelda said helpfully. "Next to the bookstore."

Fedora-man nodded at her. "Thanks, lady." He turned to his companion. "Let's blow this Popsicle stand, honey."

And with that, the two of them were gone, running down the street and laughing in an oddly maniacal way. And business resumed as usual.

"Hm...kay, that was weird," Zelda commented lightly, opening the register and putting a customer's money inside.

"That's it!" Malon shouted. This strange occurrence seemed to have set off a light bulb in her head. "Those two jailbirds gave me an idea! You and Link should go to that party as Clyde Barrow and Bonnie Parker!"

"Who?"

"Bonnie and Clyde...?"

"Oh, Bonnie and Clyde!" Zelda laughed. "Wow. Great idea, Mal. I think when he stops by here today I'll mention it."

"All right! My suggestion is getting taken seriously!"

Frankie stepped outside of his office. "Harkinian!"

"Yes, sir?" Zelda sighed.

"What is that smell?"

"I believe it's the trash, sir," Zelda replied, gesturing towards a heap of black trash bags behind her that were indeed malodorous.

"Would you mind de-stinkifying this place and putting them outside in the dumpster where they belong?"

"No sir, not at all sir, I would not mind in the slightest, sir," Zelda said under her breath again. She turned around and, with a loud grunting noise, heaved the four or five trash bags up into her arms. They were bulging so much that Zelda could not see anything in front of her at all.

"Need some help, Zel?" Malon inquired, trying not to laugh.

"If you could just get the door, it would be greatly appreciated," Zelda huffed through deep breaths.

Obligingly Malon pulled open the back door, and Zelda confidently stomped through it. After fifteen paces she stopped, because she had been doing this for months, and dropped the bags in the location she knew was the dumpster.

Or thought was the dumpster.

"OW!"

Zelda realized a moment too late that instead of dropping the stinking bags of garbage into the dumpster, she had indeed dumped them on a human being. "Oooh, gosh, sorry!" she apologized, as the person underneath struggled to free herself from the bonds of trash. "Let me help you up there."

The person grabbed her hand and was heaved upwards. "Hi, Zelda."

"Oh! Hi, Leah! What're you doing sitting where the dumpster used to be?"

The raven-haired Leah looked around. "Dumpster?"

Zelda looked around. "Ah! That idiot, Malon! She sent me out the side door, not the back door!" Her glance returned to the black bags. "...whatever. What're you doing here, anyway? Shouldn't you be in like, school?"

"No," Leah snorted. "I dropped out last year. Don't have time."

"You dropped out of school?"

She shrugged. "Yeah. My mom's a drunk and unemployed, my dad moved to England with his secretary, and I have my mom and sisters to take care of. I don't have time for school, I need to work."

This all seemed to have come rather quick and hard. Zelda inhaled a short, sharp breath, then said, "Oh. Sorry..."

"Whatever."

"Well, then, shouldn't you be at, uh, work?"

"Well, I used to have two jobs. I still got the one at CVS, but Ganon doesn't like me to work weekends. And I just got fired from P. F. Chang's."

"Why?"

"I fell. Like, when I was holding a tray of dishes. Moo Goo Gai Pan all over the floor, not to mention wontons and white rice." Leah sighed and brushed some hair back. "So that was that. Stupid hick dude fired me."

"Ouch. Well, come on inside, let me clean you off—that garbage is probably not the best perfume in the world."

"Oh, thanks."

Zelda led Leah back into Frankie's and lightly kicked Malon's butt as she walked past. "Way to go, Idaho—you put me out the _side_ door."

"Oops, sorry," Malon said with a smile. "My bad." Her eyes landed on Leah, whose face and odor was very garbaged up. "Oh, hi, Lana!"

"Leah. Hi, Megan."

"Malon. What's up?"

"Your friend dumped about six garbage bags on me."

"Well she was sitting right where the freaking dumpster is if you take the back—"

"ZELDA!" Frankie shouted, astounding his three-person staff by actually exiting his office and walking up to the counter. "Why does it still smell in here?" Then he saw Leah, who yes, still looked like she had come from rolling around in the dump. "A-ha! A teenager! Who smells!"

"Uh, sorry," Leah apologized.

Frankie's face lit up. "Wait a minute... you're a teenager!"

"Yes,... sir."

"This is exactly what we've been needing! She's the missing link!" Frankie cried jovially. He put his hands on his balding head and laughed jocund-ly (Leah raised an eyebrow and Zelda put a protective arm around her). "We need young, hip people on our staff to attract young, hip customers!"

"Hey! Art thou daring beyond thine place to suggest that Zelda and I art not hip and young?" Malon barked.

"Get outta town, Charlie Brown," Frankie said, sticking his tongue out at her. "You looking for a job, kid?"

"Actually, yes!" Leah said, starting to grin.

"GREAT! Come into my office; my restaurant diner thingy could do wonders for your career!"

"As a waitress?" Malon questioned softly to herself as Frankie led her away.

"I might've recommended stopping at the bathroom first, to wash off," Zelda remarked, wiping her hands on her uniform.

"Speaking of the bathroom," Malon said mysteriously, turning Zelda's head so it faced the men's room. They stared at it.

Several moments passed.

"Yes...?" Zelda asked, glancing at Malon.

"Wait for it!" The bathroom door slowly creaked open. "Yes, speaking of the bathroom," Malon said very quickly.

"Hey, Link!" Zelda said to the guy who had just walked out of said bathroom, Mikau behind him. They came up and sat down at the counter. "Whathcha been doin'?"

"Trying to get a good movie in," Link said, casting Mikau a skeptical look. "But all pervert boy here can think about is kids' movies."

"Dude, that Emily Mortimer chick was hot," Mikau said. "Freaking hot."

"Hey, I know that name," Malon said. "Emily Mortimer? Wasn't she in... oh yeah! She was in that Scottish movie with the hottest Scottish guy ever with the sexy Scottish name that I can't pronounce!"

"You mean Gerard Butler?" Zelda asked, indeed mis-pronouncing his first name.

"YES!"

"He is way hot!" The two girls excitedly jumped up and down for a few moments, flapping their hands excessively. Link cleared his throat, causing Zelda to quickly stop and say, "But of course he has nothing on you, my bodacious babe."

"Bodacious babe?" Link queried.

"Yeah. Me and Malon totally watched Fern Gully this morning." Without waiting for a reply, Zelda turned to Mikau. "So! Your costume party."

"Aren't costume parties fun?" he asked, grinning devilishly. "Ruto and I are going to be Wonder Woman and Aquaman, respectfully."

"Nice," Link said. "Malon told me about her idea, Zel. I think it's really cool. Have you ever seen _Bonnie and Clyde_?"

"Er, no," Zelda admitted. "But I've read about the actual criminals before."

"We should watch the movie some time," Link said. "The ending is awesome."

"Okay..."

Frankie's office door banged open once more. Wearing a rather scary smile, he clapped Leah on the shoulder(s) and gave her a gentle push towards Malon, Zelda, and Ruto, who had just walked in from the kitchen. "New waitress, you's guys! Treat her nice now, you hear?" And with that he started to walk back to his office.

Malon began to applaud. "Woo-hoo! Three times we seen you come out of your office today, boss! Good job!"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," he grumbled, walking in and shutting the door.

"So what does he do in there all day?" Link wondered.

"Who knows?" Zelda asked. She laughed and joked, "I bet he's trying to meet someone on Myspace or something."

"Oh, totally," Malon agreed, feigning seriousness. "And if I know Frankie, he probably took a picture of Link on his camera phone when he wasn't looking and put that on pretending to look like that."

"You have a disturbed mind," Link laughed.

"Yes. I do."

"Here you go, Leah," Ruto said, throwing her an apron and a notepad. "You ever waited tables before?"

"Yes."

"Oh. Well then there goes lack of a need of explanation." Next she gave her a hamburger and fries to give to table 3.

Mikau twisted around in his seat to watch her. "Efficient."

"I notice there are no guys working here," Link said.

"Yeah, how _is_ the men's room these days?" Zelda asked.

"UH..."

"Don't worry about it. The chefs usually end up cleaning it."

"Right..."

"So! I get off at four today—"

"Five," Malon interrupted her."

Zelda scowled at her friend. "Okay, yeah, five. But I think that Party City stays open 'til at least six-thirty, so we should go by there to pick up Bonnie and Clyde-esque costume items."

"Sounds good to me."

"I don't think you really need to go out and actually _buy _stuff," Malon said. "I mean, me and Frankie's son just have old stuff from our closets we're gonna wear."

"Yeah, well, you guys are '80s, we're '50s," Zelda said.

"Er, '30s, Zelda," Link corrected her.

"Right, brain," Zelda giggled. She turned back to Malon. "But I don't think we're going to be able to just go through our old drawers and find stuff to wear."

"Fair point."

"By the way, do you even _know_ your date's name?" Zelda asked. "You keep referring to him as Frankie's son."

"Another fair point." Raising her voice a little louder, Malon called, "Yo, boss!"

"Whaaaat?" he asked impatiently, sticking his head out from his office.

"What's your son's name?"

"You mean the one with the—"

"No."

"Oh, you mean the one with the—?"

"Yeah, that one!"

"His name is Mordecai!"

"Mordecai?"

"Yeah, got a problem?"

"Uh, no sir!" Malon responded. She turned back to the group. "What the heck kind of name is Mordecai?"

"Old Testament!" came the answer in the form of an old lady's voice. The four of them turned and saw two nuns sitting a few seats down from Link and Mikau. "That is the name of Queen Esther's uncle," the nun finished.

"Oh...kay...?"

"You!" said the other nun, looking suspiciously at Leah. The newest employee halted in her tracks, looking wary. The nun's eyes narrowed. "You feel you have issues."

"Thank you for pointing that out, Reverend Mother," Leah said a little coldly.

Ruto nudged the newbie. "Show some respect for the religious people," she whispered under her breath. "They leave good tips."

"You are bitter because you don't have a middle name," the nun went on.

"How'd you know I don't have a middle name?" Leah asked.

"And your name is Leah, is that right?"

Leah stared at her. "I don't have my nametag yet. How did know...?"

"Oh my gosh!" Zelda and Malon gasped in perfect unison. "Psychic nuns!"

The nun nodded wisely. "You stopped caring about going to church after you figured your mother named you after Leah, the wife of Jacob, whose sister was Rachel, and who was always perceived as second-best. You poor, poor child."

"Whoa, that sucks," Link said, though he really had no idea who Leah, Jacob, or Rachel were in the Bible.

"My dear, I see that you do want a middle name," the other nun said.

Leah nodded.

"But you don't want it to be Rachel."

Leah shook her head.

"Well, the Old Testament is an excellent place to look for middle names," said one of the nuns. "How about Oprah?"

"Oprah is in the Bible?" Link asked, sounding confused.

"Oh, sorry, it's Orpah," the nun corrected herself. "The sister of Ruth."

"Or your middle name could be Jehosophat!" suggested a nun.

"Uh...I'll sleep on it," Leah said.

"By the way, we stopped by to drop off some things here," said the first nun, and she and her compatriot began shelling things out of their pockets. "On our way back to the convent, we were asked by some people in a police car for a hymn. So we sang them a hymn, and then they gave us some things to deliver to the people working at Frankie's."

"Hey, it's that chick's beret!" Zelda said. "And the dude's fedora!"

"Sweet!" Link said. "He even left me his pinstriped blazer! If only I had some pinstriped pants."

"I have some pinstriped pants!" Frankie shouted from his office, not even bothering to open his door this time. "Well—I mean, my son Soloman's got some, and he's probably your size!"

"Um...thank you?"

"Wow, this is great! Thanks, nuns!" Zelda said. Then, in a more respectful tone, she said, "Uh, Sisters."

"Our pleasure, dear," said one of the Sisters. "They insisted on giving you their things; said you were the only decent, helpful people they'd met in their adventures. They tried to give us their guns, but the police wouldn't let 'em."

"Dirty, rotten coppers!" growled the second nun. A silence followed.

"Anyway, we really must be going," said the other nun, getting to her feet. "Thank you for your time, and may God bless you all." And then they walked out.

"This day is just getting weirder and weirder," Malon remarked.

"You know what's REALLY weird?" shouted an old guy from a corner. "That you come to some place with supposedly good service, and all the servers do is stand around and chit-chat!"

"HEY!" Malon said, not even giving him the courtesy of walking over to yell at him. "We may chat, but we don't chit, bub!"

"Whatever! Can I order, please?"

"Yeah, yeah, you'll eat what I bring ya," Malon said, waving her hand at him dismissively. "Leah, do me a favor, just give the old curmudgeon the first thing you see."

"Yes, ma'am," Leah said, promptly walking over to his table with a dish of veal.

"Hey, her name's not Leah anymore," Zelda reminded Malon. "It's Leah Jehosophat, remember?"

"Ah, shaddup!"

THAT WEEKEND...

"Only Mikau would have a party at a place with an indoor pool in November," Zelda said, as she and Link rode up an elevator to Mikau's party.

"It's not like anyone's going to be able to use it," Link reasoned. "They'll all be in their costumes. So unless someone's come dressed as Esther Williams and Johnny Weismuller, I don't think swimming'll happen." He paused. "Of course, it's not like Esther Williams and Johnny Weismuller ever date each oth—"

"Oh look, here's our floor!" Zelda said cheerfully, interrupting Link and half-pulling him out of the elevator. "Quick, before we go in: how do I look?"

"Positively stunning," he replied sincerely. He put on his fake Southern accent. "I'd stick up any bank fer you, Ms. Bonnie Parker."

"And I'd do the same fer you, Mr. Clyde Barrow," Zelda said in the same accent. They hooked arms, took out their fake pistols, and kicked at the door.

Mikau opened it, wearing a Tarzan-patterned swimsuit. "Well, well! If it isn't... people with guns!"

"We're Bonnie Parker and Clyde Barrow," Link hissed, mocking seriousness as he and Zelda side-stepped into the room.

Zelda playfully put her gun-arm around Mikau's shoulders and curled her left leg around both of his. "And we are just about the _friendliest_ people you will ever meet." She winked at Link. "Get the Kodak."

"So who are you supposed to be, dude?" Link asked, peeling his girlfriend off his host. "Tarzan, the Olympic swimmer?"

"Sure! I'm Johnny Weismuller, and Ruto is Esther Williams—ha, says she feels just like she's at work."

Link and Zelda exchanged glances. Smirking to themselves, they set off to find Ruto, Malon, and they supposed, Mordecai.

A/N: Well, I warned you. I'm on a Bonnie and Clyde high right now. If you have not seen this amazing film, I highly suggest you do. Like, right now. Why are you still reading? Go to or Blockbuster or the library or whatever, and go get it!

Oh, and please review.


	13. The Bad Chapter

A/N: Get ready, readers. This is probably the only semi-seriousness that will ever, ever occur in this story. I decided I needed to sober up the silliness a bit so think of this chapter as recompense to myself for the abysmally weird last one. If this changes your opinion of me or what I write in any way, I don't know if I should apologize or not.

Mikau's birthday party was still rocking on when he took Link and Zelda to where their friends were.

"I thought you and Ruto were going to be Aquaman and Wonder Woman, or something," Zelda said as they sat down.

"Yeah, well Frankie made me work later than usual today," Ruto said. "So I didn't have time to run home and grab my costume. The Esther Williams thing was already at work, so I was just like 'whatever' and grabbed it." She paused. "Of course, now that means I randomly have a Wonder Woman costume in my house, but..."

"Nice," Malon chuckled, her hair done up in an interesting '80s fashion. She smoothed out her brown skirt, fluffed up her pink shirt, and kicked her tall leather boots together. "Like my costume, Zellie?"

"Very cool," Zelda laughed. "Where's, er, Mordecai?"

Malon shrugged. "Probably in the bathroom or something. Ooh, guess who else Mikau invited."

"Who?"

"Saria and her grandma," Ruto answered, rolling her eyes.

"Hey, Impa's cool," Mikau said, slapping Ruto on the shoulder. Upon hearing a splashing noise, he turned around and looked behind him. "Oh, sweet! People are using the pool!"

"They are?" Zelda asked, raising her eyebrows and looking also. "That's really.. unexpected. Their costumes are getting all wet!!"

"Maybe they just don't care," Mikau said, handing what looked like a cup of punch to Zelda. "Lighten up."

Zelda narrowed her eyes suspiciously and took a small sip of the drink. "Mikau, I knew it! You spiked this!"

Grinning in an innocently devilish way, Mikau leaned back in his chair. "Well, the joint wouldn't let me bring the stuff in as there's a kid's center downstairs or something. It was the only way to bring _spirit_ to the party."

"Hey, wanna play table tennis?" Link quickly asked Zelda before she could retort heatedly to this.

"Yeah, okay," Zelda said. The two of them got up, and Malon (tired of waiting for her date) slid off her seat to join them.

"He can be so.. _irritating_ sometimes," Zelda sighed, picking up a blue paddle.

"Well, everyone's got their faults," Link said, hoping not to have to be explicit in a response. He sighed and hit the ping-pong ball towards his date. "He doesn't, like, mean anything by it."

"I know," Zelda said in a dangerously normal tone, "but still. I just don't think alcohol is something that should be treated lightly."

At this point Malon caught up with them, sucking on a candy cigeratte she'd picked up from someone walking around in a Betty Boop mask. She leaned on Zelda's side of the table and drew an exaggerated breath.

This caused Zelda to do a double take and she missed the ball. She went to retrieve it and said to Malon upon her return, "I didn't _think_ you smoked. Mikau might as well just be giving out the real things, though. I don't see his point in dishing out fake ciggys but spiking punch."

"He doesn't like the way they smell," Link said, trying not smile at 'ciggys.' "And don't get so worked up about the whole alcohol thing. It's not like there are any minors here, right?"

Naturally, this is when none other than Leah and one of her friends walked up. "Hii guysss," she said, wearing a rather drunken smile.

"Oh geez," Zelda sighed under her breath. "Leah, what are you doing?"

"Mikau invited me yesterday," Leah said. She and her friend were wearing basically normal clothes, and after a hiccup she added, "Didn't have time to pick a costume and I was like I don't have a boyfriend—'cause he was like, bring your boyfriend—so he was like, you can bring a friend then so this is my friend Larlene."

"Actually, it's Lardene," her pretty, brunette friend Darlene said. They both laughed. "Bye!"

"You can't defend that one, Link," Zelda said, as the two minors walked away. "They didn't know there was alcohol in that."

"Oh Zel, they must have known what they were doing," Malon said, who herself was drinking the red stuff. "I mean, one cup of this wouldn't have done that to them. And I mean it's not like they're stupid and didn't get what was in it."

Link decided to remain silent. A few moments later, normality was restored only when during a particularly good rally, Malon started chanting "don't mess up" in a monotone next to Zelda. The blonde finally cracked and let out a guffaw she'd been trying to stifle. She missed the ping-pong ball and hit Malon with her paddle.

"You are so mean! Shut up!" she laughed, whacking the laughing red-head. "Uh-oh, where'd our ping-pong ball go?"

"Malon, look what you did!" Link said in mock anger, walking around the table to join them. "You idiot!"

Before any of them could start looking for the ball though, somebody walked up with it in their hand.

"You guys lose this?" It was Saria.

"Hey, Sar," said Link, taking the ball from her. "Thanks."

She shrugged. "No problem." Saria was dressed like a flapper, and twirled a long (fake) pearl necklace around one finger. "You guys remember my grandmother?" she asked, pulling the old woman out from the crowds behind her.

"Oh yes," said Link. "Hello, Impa."

"Hello, hello!" Impa said cheerfully, also dressed like a flapper. "Marvelous party, isn't it? How precious is that Mikau??"

"Oh, he's precious all right!" Zelda said with a smile, taking an untouched cup of punch from Impa's hand. "But you won't be wanting that. It's really gross tasting."

"Ooh! Well okay, dear, if you say so!"

"Aw, look!" Saria said ruefully, looking at the pool. "They're playing Marco Polo! Gosh, I haven't been in a game like that for years!"

"I don't get it. Why is it called Marco Polo?" Malon asked curiously.

The others were unsure of how to answer. "Um..."

"I mean, it's so random," Malon went on. "Why not call it like... Audrey Hepburn? Then you could be all, Audrey! And the people are like, Hepburn! Audrey! Hepburn!" She looked absolutely enthused with the idea.

"Er, well, as far as I know, Audrey Hepburn did not go sailing to find adventure across the seas... not that that's why the game's called Marco Polo, but, just a guess," Link ventured to say.

Malon stared at him like he was being a killjoy. "...whatever. I'm calling it Audrey Hepburn from now on."

"Hi, guys," Ruto said in a tired voice, walking up to them. She had her Esther Williams mask pushed up on her head, so that the eyes of the mask were looking up at the ceiling. Water was dripping off of her and she had a towel lazily tied around her waist. "Liking the party?"

"Yup, it's pretty cool," Link said. "We were just doing some ping-pong..ing. Looks like you've had a dip."

"Yeah," Ruto sighed. "Just doing a couple of laps, you know—didn't think people were going to like, come in. But they did, and now there are people in all kinds of outfits in there." She cleared her throat. "So I hung out at the table with you guys for a while, then went back in. I was going to just keep swimming and ignore them, but it's getting harder because now they're playing Marco Polo."

"That can be so annoying," Zelda commented. "Like at public pools when you're just trying to get some exercise and a bunch of a kids get in your way playing some stupid game. I don't blame you for getting out."

"Well, that's not exactly why I stopped," Ruto said. "I was trying to do three laps without taking a breath but when I finally did come up, I came across a very, er.. awkward situation.. concerning some people... like, _two_ people..."

A moment passed. "Ohhhh," Saria finally said. "I gotcha. Ew. I remember some kids doing that on a field trip once. It was so awkward, 'cause our teachers were right there and stuff."

"Ooh, I remember that," Zelda said. "What was it the dude said? That she'd eaten his life preserver and he was trying to get it back, or something?"

"Where's Mikau?" Link asked.

"Funny you should ask," Ruto said, with a slight scowl. She turned, and beckoned for the group to follow her. "He is, as usual, indulging his adolescent fantasies." Ruto stopped a few paces away from Mikau, who was staring avidly at the couple making out in the pool. Zelda, Link, Saria, Impa and Malon all felt their jaws—well, not drop, but hang open slightly.

The rather intoxicated Leah had her friend in the pool, pushed up against the wall by a ladder. Her lips seemed to be going everywhere on Darlene she could reach above water, and her hands every where else below.

"Good Goddesses!" Mikau cried out, looking ecstatic at the sight of tongues. "That is HOT!"

Impa, meanwhile, was wearing an expression that looked as if someone had just set off a particularly nasty stink-bomb. Doing a slow 180 degree turn on her heel, Impa started to walk away with her eyes wide open, muttering to herself, "scarred for life! Scarred for life!"

Sighing, Saria said, "I'd better go follow her. Honestly, that's the only problem living with your grandmother—so old-fashioned!"

As the two girls wrapped their arms around each other and continued to positively kiss like it was for their lives, Zelda finally managed to tear her shocked eyes away. She grabbed Link (who with every mounting second seemed to be as resigned to stay and watch as Mikau), and disgustedly pulled him aside to a table. Malon brought up the rear.

"Did she ever mention being...?" Malon started, trailing off awkwardly.

"I don't think she is," Zelda said. "But that's not what bothers me—it's just the fact that Mikau seems to be acting really weird around her. Like, why did he invite her, it's not like he knows her that well! And then he spikes the drinks and.. ugh."

"Zelda," Link said, but that was all because he didn't know what to say next.

She looked up at him and Malon. "I'm sorry. Am I being a real snob? Like a... like a name that isn't used in high society outside of a kennel?"

"No, no," Malon said, in a light, ambigious tone of voice.

"I'm sorry," Zelda said, looking at the pool through her hands. Mikau was sitting on the edge of it, splashing water with his feet on the two minor girls. "I just feel like he's being a bit manipulative and ... well, creepy."

"Granted," Malon said, also turning to look. "He _has_ been a bit creepy lately."

"I'll talk to him later," Link assured her.

Just then, a wavy-haired guy wearing denim and plaid sat down next to Malon. "Hey, Mal! Where did you run off to?"

"Hey, I was the one looking for _you_," Malon said. "I've just been hanging out with—oh! Intro! Zelda, Link, this is Mordecai, my date for tonight. Mordy, these are my friends Zelda and Link."

"Hi," Zelda said, turning the lightest shade of pink.

"Hi, man," Link said, shaking his hand. "Nice to meet you."

"Ditto, dude," sid Mordecai. "I'm sorry I didn't come find you sooner, Malon. But there are these two chicks in the pool that are making ou—"

"Is that what distracted you?" Malon asked, a tad indignant.

"Er, well sort of," Mordecai replied. "But it's not because I'm a perv, or anything. But there were a bunch of guys sitting around getting the black-haired one to take off her shirt and she did—she was wearing a white tank under it, so you know they're getting all excited, right—"

"And were you one of the ones encouraging her to do that??" Malon asked.

"Of course not!" Mordecai said, sounding offended. "I could tell they're drunk, and they're trying to get Dar to take off her jacket,.. Darlene's my second cousin. Hey, Link, you think you could help me get 'em out of the pool? I think the host of this party said something about going to get his camera and I just don't want any pictures to get leaked to Darlene's boyfriend."

"Yeah, I'll help you out," Link said with a poker face. The two guys stood up and made their way towards the pool.

"Malon," Zelda whispered.

"What?" she asked with dread, hoping Zelda wasn't about to start up again on Mikau's habits.

"That guy is HOT."

The red-head stared at Zelda, a surprised grin on her face. "Mordecai?" She snickered. "I'm gonna tell Link you said that."

"Haha, no you're not," Zelda said. "Are you thinking of like...seeing him again?"

Malon didn't answer right away. Then, shrugging mysteriously, only said, "I don't know."

Link and Mordecai showed up a few moments later, each holding one of the girls who had been causing such an excitement.

"Mikau will want to think twice about inviting Impa to his next party," Link said. "She went to go call the cops—"

"What??" Malon cried, standing up immediately. "Is she nuts?"

"No, she just doesn't think it was good of him to give alcohol to minors," Link answered as he tried to keep Leah upright. "Listen—Mordecai's taking Dar home; could one of you take Leah?"

"Why don't you?" Zelda asked, not rudely, but out of curiousity.

"I'm going to stay here and try to help Mikau with the cops, he can go a bit psycho around them," Link answered. He got his keys out of his blazer pocket and tossed them to Zelda. "Here, Bonnie—would you drive her home, please? I'll get a cab later."

"Sure, I got it, Clyde," Zelda said. She took Leah by the arm and started steering her towards the door. All in all the night hadn't gone exactly as nicely as she hoped it might, but parties like these certainly did shake up one's routine. Quickly the two of them made it down to the parking lot and into Link's car.

"Leah, why did you do that?" Zelda sighed, driving out into the street.

"Do what?" she asked, running her finger over her lips and smiling slightly.

"You must have known there was something in that drink," Zelda went on.

"Can I have your hat?" Leah asked, taking Zelda's beret off her head. She started tossing it up and down on her lap. "I don't have a costume 'cause I didn't have time."

Zelda, who had forgotten she'd been wearing a '30s outfit, sighed again and took a while to notice she was driving to her apartment. "Leah, where do you live?"

"Here," Leah said dreamily, opening and closing her window.

"Leah, where do you live?" Zelda repeated, a little louder. She briefly took a hand off the wheel to shake Leah's arm and get her attention. "I gotta take you _home_!"

"NO!" Leah cried so loudly that Zelda jumped and nearly hit the car in front of her. As she was now stuck at a red light, Zelda turned in her chair to look over at Leah in the passenger's seat. Tears were actually welling up in the girl's eyes as she asked, "Please, ... please don't make me go home."

Zelda searched her face for a long while. A bit too long, actually; she had failed to notice the light turn green and started driving again only when about three cars had started to honk at her. Eyes on the road, Zelda softly said, "All right. You don't have to go home yet."

At her apartment, Zelda had insisted Leah took the bed, upon which she fell asleep almost instantly. Feeling rude but that she was acting for the best, Zelda took Leah's cell phone in hopes of finding a Home number in the address book. When she dialed it, nobody picked up. No answering machine came on. After getting out of her costume, brushing her teeth and taking off her makeup, Zelda tried again. Once more it was with no luck.

Heading to sleep on the couch, Zelda heard her own cell phone ringing. Groggily she took it out of her purse on the table and saw that it was Link. "Hello?"

"Hey, Zel."

She let out a tired noise that was half-yawn, half-groan. "Are you okay?"

"Uh, I'm fine," he said. Pause. "Oh. Well, er, I feel kind of like a stoolie but I did tell the police there were minors here." He sighed. "And that there was some drinking going on. But Mikau claimed he didn't do anything to the punch, of course, and the cops didn't really know what to make of him."

"What happened?"

"Ah, they're sticking him in the cooler for the night just to show him a lesson, I guess," Link answered. "Anyway, how are you doing? Did you get Leah home all right?"

"Well, not exactly," Zelda responded, looking over at the bedroom. "She just seemed really... _really_ against going home, so I, er, brought her back with me."

"You did? Why..wh... did you call her parents?"

"I called, but nobody answered," Zelda said, drawing her knees up to her chest as she sat on the couch. "I don't really know what I'll say tomorrow, but I'll come up with something.. legit, I hope."

"Yeah."

"Yeah."

Neither of them said anything for a few quiet minutes. Then, tentatively, "Zel?"

"Yeah, Link?"

"I love you."

It was the first time he had said it to her. Somehow it just seemed like the right way to end such a haphazard night. Trying not to let the words catch in her throat, Zelda said, "I love you too, Link."

He drew a loud, slow breath. "I'll see you tomorrow, Zel."

"Yeah...bye."

"Bye."

Shutting her phone and her eyes, Zelda leaned back into the couch and shut off the lamp. Sleep came quickly.

The next morning

Zelda awoke to the horrible sound of somebody puking. Sitting up dazedly, the events of the previous night came speeding back to her and she sprung up off the couch. Running into the bedroom, she saw Leah hunched over, clutching her stomach. There was a small puddle (sorry; i don't really know what word to use here) of vomit on the floor right in front of her.

Hearing her come in, Leah looked up with red eyes and a painfully sorrowful expression. "I'm so sorry, Zelda—"

"Don't worry about it," Zelda said soothingly. "It'll come right out."

"Well, not just that," Leah said in a broken, low voice. "I just... I just..." She made a choking noise and Zelda backed up, afraid she was going to upchuck again, but instead Leah made a desperate sort of wailing noise. Zelda's maternal (or sisterly) instinct kicked in and she pulled her newest co-worker into an embrace.

"What hit me?" the teenager sniffed.

"I'm guessing it was that last Hawaiin Punch," Zelda answered, trying to insert some humor into the situation. "Leah, do you know what happened last night?"

"Darlene just called me," Leah said. "I guess her cousin told her what went down." Pulling herself out of Zelda's arms, she wiped at her tears and the mascara that was all over her face. Her hair had long fallen out of its ponytail and was looking scraggly but at the same time tragically beautiful. "I'm just really.. really ashamed."

"Er, don't be," Zelda said. "I'm sure there are, er, lots of girls who—"

"Not that," Leah interrupted sharply. "I'm not... I.. I like guys. I just mean I'm ashamed of causing such a—spectacle at Mikau's party."

"Well, I don't think _he_ exactly minded," Zelda sighed.

"Great," Leah sniffed, face in her hands.

"Was that the first time you ever drank?" Zelda asked. "I mean, let's face it. You two could not have been completely ignorant of what you were drinking."

With what seemed like great difficulty, Leah sat up slightly and pulled her head out ofher hands. She stared at the wall over Zelda's shoulder, unable to meet her eyes. "No, it wasn't the first time. But... my life sucks. I don't drink to be cool, like other kids my age do."

"Then why do you?" Zelda asked.

"I dunno," came the response, her voice cracking again.

"I tried to take you home but you wouldn't let me," Zelda said. "And I called your house, but no one answered the phone."

"No one _could _have answered the phone," Leah grumbled, rubbing her head. "Unless she suddenly decided to stop her habit and break the on-going record of having it happen eighteen days in a row, my mom would drunken herself into sleep at 8:00. My sisters are staying with my Aunt in Massachusettes for the week."

"Look," Zelda said after a long pause. "I'll clean up this, er, mess on the floor hear. You go on in the bathroom and wash up a bit. Are you working early shift today?"

"I don't even know," Leah said, sounding scared.

"That's okay," Zelda said, helping her stand. "I do, so you can just come in and I'll ask Frankie to confirm your schedule for you."

"Okay." Leah started to walk out of the room. She saw the bathroom across the hall, but before she left; "Zelda?"

"Yeah, kid?"

"Um..." She wiped at her face one more time. "Thanks."

Zelda looked at her, trying to think what would be the best response. "Don't mention it."

&

A/N: Well, there you go. I know that seemed really random and not like this story at all, but a lot of times life can seem like it's really amusing and funny and spontaneous and then all of a sudden something really ... unexpected (dare I use the word serious) happens. When something like what happened in this chapter happens with someone you know at a party you go to, I guess it's just hard to get out of your mind when you're trying to write!  
Please review, and please don't be too harsh.


	14. The BreakUp, and the 3rd Son

A/N: This chapter came out relatively quick. I don't know if many if any people are actually still reading it, but I guarantee this story will be over soon.

&-

"Here comes the newbie," Ruto muttered to Malon that morning, as Zelda and Leah were seen walking towards the diner. Giving them a cold glance, she nearly burned herself with hot coffee.

"Hey, kid," Malon said lightly when they walked in. "How're you feeling?"

"Been better," Leah replied, warily taking note that Ruto seemed to be positively glowering at her. "But apparently I made a complete idiot of myself yesterday... and, er, Ruto—I.. I wanted to apologize for, er, causing an upset at your party."

Slightly taken aback at this apology, the dirty look vanished from Ruto's countenance. She opened her mouth but it took her a few moments to find the right words. "It was Mikau's fault. I didn't want any drinks in that place..." She sighed. "What a jerk! Zelda! Malon! How could you let me go out with him that long??"

"Hey, I tried convincing you, remember?" Malon said. "I know he can be kind of a scumbag sometimes; I dated him, in case you forgot."

"He just better not make an appearance here today," Ruto grumbled. "I've had it, I'm through with that guy." And head held high, she stalked off to wait on an old couple that had just walked in.

"This is all my fault!" Leah whispered, putting on the apron Malon had just tossed to her. "If I wasn't so stupid, Ruto wouldn't want to break up with Mi—"

"Leah, trust me," Zelda said, putting a hand on her shoulder. "This will turn out to be the best thing Ruto's ever done. I didn't want to say much—I mean, Ruto's one of my best friends and Mikau is Link's roommate now, so... but really, he's never been remotely worthy of any girl I know. So you're actually doing us all a favor."

A small smile found its way onto the raven-haired girl's face. "Thanks. Guess I'll go talk to the boss, now."

"Good luck."

As Leah marched off towards Frankie's office, Malon remarked, "I suppose that means me and Ruto can shop the market together, now."

"Ruto and _I_," Zelda impulsively corrected her.

"Shut up, dweeb," Malon said, whacking her friend with a wet rag ("EW!"). "It's too bad most guys in this city are total trash." Pause. "Do you know where Link is from?"

"Nope, actually, I don't," Zelda answered, filling the newly-purchased straw container. "Hmm... I should probably ask him about that."

"Do you know if he's like, really close to his parents or anything?"

"Um... no, his parents haven't actually ever come up."

"Oh." Momentarily stymied for conversation, Malon subconsciously picked up a few pieces of bacon off a plate that was supposed to go to table six. Then, "So... did _he_ go to college? 'Cause he's a pretty sharp guy."

"Yeah, he's smart," Zelda said. "But I don't _know_, Malon."

"Gotsy, Harknian! What do you guys TALK about??"

Zelda shrugged. "Stuff."

"Ah, yes, 'stuff,'" Malon said in an annoying, smiley fashion, grinning and nodding her head. "Still. I don't like to kiss a guy until I at least know the basics about him. Like, where's he's from, for example." When Zelda made no reply but instead seemed to become strangely interested in the napkin dispenser, Malon stared at her. "You... you have kissed him, right?"

"Well, not if you want to be technical about it."

"What! You two have been going out for months! And you've never even kissed him??" Malon cried, sounding both incredulous and amused.

"Thanks for broadcasting it."

"Zelda, half these people are deaf."

"Good point... but, yeah."

"Wow. That's kinda...special?"

"The right moment just hasn't come up yet," Zelda said uncomfortably. "Isn't there supposed to be like, a moment? When you're both looking into each other eyes, and then someone starts to _leeean_ and then the other peron's all like—"

"Zelda, have you ever kissed a guy before?" Malon interrupted.

"Well, hold on," Zelda said as an old man yelled from table six that he wanted his bacon and eggs already. She whisked it off to him then came back to Malon. "I kissed Paul Cody in a game of Spin-the-Bottle in third grade, got practically assaulted by Jack Spade under the mistle-toe at a Christmas party in ninth grade, and then at Senior Prom some guy tried to get me to come upstairs with him and I was like 'no way,' and he was like, 'okay, that's cool.' So he took me home and kissed me on my porch but then he went back to the hotel and I actually never saw him again."

Malon stared (again). "Wowww... you know, Zelda, I guess you're not exactly the kind of person I pegged you to be."

"Excuse me? Are you implying that you thought I was a—"

"No," Malon sighed. "I mean I just would've thought you'd have kissed more guys, like on dates and stuff."

"I didn't date a lot in high school," Zelda said. "None of the guys could really meet my standards. But now that you mention it, I did have this one boyfriend named Duke and he kissed me. But just on the cheek. It was eighth grade, so..."

"What d'you think about her?" Malon asked, nodding towards the closed door of Frankie's office and indicating Leah. "Think she's..."

"I wouldn't know," Zelda replied. "And considering what YOU thought about ME, I don't think either of us should be making judgements!!"

"Haha, okay, okay," Malon laughed. "Gosh, you know, can we talk about something else? Like, other than guys?"

"Malon, _you_ brought it up."

"Whatever. I say we have girls' night tonight. Chick flicks at my place. You and Ruto. And, uh, me."

"Okay, sounds good. Hey, speaking of Ruto... where did she go...?"

Malon and Zelda looked around the relatively small diner and indeed, Ruto was no where in sight. As business was a bit slow, the two of them left the counter and addressed the fellow they'd last seen Ruto waiting on.

"Excuse me," Malon said, "but do you know where the waitress Ruto meant?"

"You mean Judy Garland?" asked the old man.

"Um, no, I mean Ruto," Malon said blankly.

"Oh, that fish-looking girl," the old man said knowingly. "I think I saw her step outside. For a smoke, maybe?"

"Excusé toi, Ruto does not smoke," Malon told him.

"Oh. Well, she's outside, at any rate."

"MALON!" came a voice.

The red-head and the blonde turned around, to see Frankie at the counter, the weight of his bulgy arm rested on Leah's shoulders (she appeared to be faltering underneath it slightly). "C'mere," he said. "I need you to show LeeLee the works here. Divvy up the afternoon schedule, would ya?" Clapping Leah on the shoulder (and nearly knocking her over), Frankie stepped back into his office.

"Uh, LeeLee?" Malon asked, raising an eyebrow. Leah smirked embarrassedly. "It's weird, 'cause he has no problem with retarded names like Malon or Zelda—or Mordecai or Soloman—but can't remember something like yours, huh?"

"Guess it's just kinda forgettable," Leah said, putting her hands in her pocket and shrugging nonchalantly. "He didn't really say much about how often I'm supposed to work... but I need tonight off so I can do my shift at CVS. How long does this place stay open, anyway?"

"'Til ten," Malon replied. "When do you need to go to CVS?"

"Oh, okay," Leah said. "I don't need to start there until twelve."

"Midnight? You do a shift that late?"

"My uncle says that what kids do best," Leah replied, shrugging once again. "Sleeping all day, staying up all night. He figured I might as well be getting paid for it."

Malon looked like she wanted to ask something else, thought of better of it, and directed Leah's attention towards a white board behind the counter. "Here's our schedule for this week... now that we've got you, though, we can cut everyone's shift by like an hour and a half... or something. My math was never too good." She took down the white board, picked up an Expo pen and eraser, and got to work adjusting it.

"Um, Leah, would you go and see... see, uh, how table seven's order is coming along?" Zelda asked, vaguely waving a slip at Leah. Following her gaze, Leah saw Mikau following a very annoyed looking Ruto back into the diner. Zelda gave the girl, who was starting to turn red, a small shove towards the kitchen and that was all she needed to get through the door. Straightening up, Zelda fixed the approaching fellow with a very cold stare.

"—would you just get out of here? Please??" Ruto hissed, ducking under the counter and standing by Zelda.

"Hey, I've got every right to come into a diner if I want," Mikau said, enunciating the ends of his words in a most unusual manner.

"Why do you want be here?? You hate this diner! And we are SO through, Mikau. Just beat it."

"Would you just give me a chance, Ruto?" Mikau said, sounding more angry than pleading, which is probably what he should have gone for.

"Give you a _chance??_" Ruto repeated. "What do you think I have been doing for like, a year and a half? I'm done giving you chances! Your behavior, especially last night, was just inexcusable. Getting two teenage girls drunk for your own gratification? You disgust me, Mikau!"

Malon looked up from the white board.

"Never calling me when you're late, almost never wanting to do what I want to do, the only possibly nice thing you've ever done is come to the diner I work at, but then, _I _don't cook the food, and it IS free!"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Mikau said, stalling for some time to digest all the accusations she'd just made. There was a slight pause and his hands were slightly raised up, trying to get Ruto to shut up. In the silence, none of the employees realized the entire diner had gone stock-still, hanging on to every word of the conversation. "Roo—"

"_Don't_ call me that," Ruto said, meaning the nickname she'd had since high school. "Don't call me that now."

"Ruto," he said in a more respectful tone. "What do you expect from me, what do you want from me? I'm a guy!"

"That is one of the lamest excuses I have ever heard!" Ruto cried out. "Is _Link_ a girl, Mikau? Is he??"

"What—Link??" Mikau said, wondering how that came into play.

"NO! Link is a _guy_, just like YOU, you scumbag, but he treats Zelda like a princess!" Ruto finished. "And they've none each other maybe half as long as I've been going out with you, but look at what they have! They have a real relationship. Let's face it, ours was so one-sided."

"Ruto, come on, you can't... you can't compare me to Link, that isn't fair," Mikau said, pretty feebly.

"It isn't fair? You want to tell _me_ what isn't FAIR?" Ruto practically shouted.

"You put her up to this!" Mikau said, pointing at Zelda accusingly. "Because you're so—you're so conservative, you just couldn't handle that—"

"This doesn't have anything to do with me!" Zelda said at the same time Ruto burst out, "This doesn't have anything to do with HER!" The latter continued, saying, "You think I'm not smart enough to make up my own decisions about my life??"

At this moment, Mikau started a furious debate with Zelda, completely ignoring what Ruto had just said. Malon, poked Ruto in the back with her pen, then motioned behind her. In the order window was a freshly made apple pie. Ruto stared at it, then saw Leah behind it, who nodded once.

"We don't want you here, so just get beat it and don't show your face around here ever again," Zelda snarled dangerously.

"You gonna stop me, _princess_?" Mikau sneered. "I'm not done here."

"Oh, I think you are," Ruto said. Mikau looked up, but before he had time to register the fact that Ruto was holding a gigantic pie in her hand, it was in his face.

There was a shocked silence, brought on mostly by the fact that a lot of people couldn't believe she'd just done something so apparently immature. But then Malon tried unsuccessfully to stifle a giggle, which triggered Zelda's tittering into the back of her hand, and then Ruto laughed triumphantly, and soon everyone in the restaurant started to clap and guffaw their approval (which just made the three girls involved laugh harder).

Unable to find words to fit the situation, Mikau wiped the pie off his face with his arm, then wiped the pie off his arm onto the floor, and stalked out of the diner. He tried to slam the front door, but it was a bit too heavy and moved much slower than befitted the circumstances—this had Ruto actually on the floor.

"Thank you, thank you; no applause," she said graciously the old people who were still clapping.

"Way to show 'em, Roo," Zelda said, high-fiving Ruto.

"Hopefully that will have gotten the message across," Malon sighed, sticking the white board back onto the wall.

Leah walked out from the kitchen and was taken by surprise when Ruto gave her an excruciatingly tight hug. "Thank you, girl!!" she cried. "Because of you and your pie, I've seen the light and finally been able to do what I should have done a long time ago!"

"Uh, you're welcome?" Leah said unsuredly. When Ruto finally released her, she shoved some loose strands of hair behind her ear and said, "Well, let's get to work, huh?"

"Of course!" Ruto said a little giddily. She picked up a tray and headed off to table two with it.

"She's going to be walking on air for the next three weeks," Malon remarked, as Leah erased 'LeeLee' on the chart and wrote her real name. "Breaking up with Mikau was the best thing _I _ever did."

"Hey! That old lady just gave me five bucks for kicking Mikau to the curb!" Ruto exclaimed, waving a five at her friends. "Ha, ha, ha!!"

"Will this be kind of awkward, though?" Malon wondered. "I mean, now that Mikau is on bad terms with, well, all of us, and he's letting Link stay at his house?"

"Hmm... that _may_ present a problem," Zelda acknowledged.

And lo and behold, coincidence of coincidences, who should walk in at that very moment but Link.

"Hi!" Zelda greeted him.

"Hey," he said back, smiling and sitting at the counter.

"Do you want anything?" she asked him.

"Yeah, I'll have the cute blonde waitress by the register, please," he said, in such a sweet tone of voice that it didn't sound perverted at all.

"Awww!" gushed Zelda, Malon, and some random old lady at the end of the counter. Link raised an eyebrow at her, smiled weakly, then moved one seat further away.

"Could I just get a... I dunno, your chocolate-chip stack of pancakes?"

"No problem," Malon said, communicating the order to the cook in sign language. The cook stared blankly at her, and rolling her eyes she went over and told him.

"Did Mikau come by here, by any chance?" Link asked.

"Yeah; you just missed him," Zelda informed him.

"Hm. When I woke up this morning, his car was gone, so I had to take the bus," he said, twiddling with a straw. He chuckled. "There were these two kids behind me, I dunno, maybe fourteen, and the guy..." Link hung his head slightly and gave a short laugh. "This kid goes like... aw, man! I can't believe I forgot what he said, but it was some pick-up line for the girl next to him about _boogers_..."

"EW!" Zelda cried. "A pick-up line about boogers?!? What will they think of next? Or do I want to know..."

"Ah, the cheesy pick-up line," Malon sighed. "I think the best one I ever heard was... let's see, I was fifteen and it was at camp. I was heading back to my cabin after being in the lake, and this boy taps me on the shoulder and is like, 'Excuse me, do you have a band-aid?' And I was like, 'Sorry, no;' and he said—"

"'Cause I kinda hurt myself when I fell for you!" Zelda finished, giggling.

"Ha, ha, yeah," Malon laughed reminiscently. "Did you just guess, or is that was the Dukester used on you?"

"No, his was the pirate pick-up line," Zelda answered.

"Ah," Malon said.

"What, pray tell, is the pirate pick-up line?" Link asked, looking amused.

With a catty smile, Zelda crossed onto his side of the counter and in a macho voice, said, "If you were a pirate, would you keep your parrot on _this_ shoulder—" she tapped his left shoulder, "or _this_ shoulder?" She reached across his back and laid her hand on his right.

"Nice," Link chuckled. "Um, let me see if I can make one up on the spot... okay. If I you were wearing a messenger bag, would the strap go like this?" He slung his arm around her so that his hand was resting on her waist.

"Yeah, I would," she said in a reverent, kind of serious sounding voice before he could inquire about the other way.

It seemed like 'the moment' Zelda had been describing in the beginning of this chapter. Link was leaning, and she was giving him the look, but before anything could actually happen—

"PDA!"

They both jumped—Zelda actually fell off her stool—and turned around to see where the voice was coming from.

It was Frankie, and strangely enough, he appeared to have just entered from the front door instead of the office door. He was frog-marching a young, red-headed man towards them, and repeated, "I do not allow PDA concerning my employees in this establishment, Zelda Harkinian!"

"Boss, don't spazz," Zelda said, looking flustered and a bit embarrassed.

"I am not being a spazz!" he said back. "I just want you two—and Ruto and Lela—to meet my son."

"Are you Soloman?" Zelda asked.

"Actually, I'm Roy," said the guy. "The youngest of the three."

Zelda and Link exchanged glaces as if to say, 'That name is surprisingly normal.' She looked up at Malon, but instead of returning the look, Malon was staring in an awestruck fashion at Roy—and not being very subtle.

"Roy, meet the crew," Frankie said. "Maybe not the most reliable people in the world, but they're pretty good for how we do. This is Zelda, this is the person she was about to break the rules with—I don't know his name—that's Ruto, in the corner there" ("YO!" Ruto called, waving at him) "that's Lela, who's about to trip on that man's cane" ("I am not," Leah sniffed indignantly, only to trip on it on her way back) "and this young lady at the cash register here is Malon."

"Hi," said Roy for the first time.

This acknowledgement seemed to bring Malon out of her reverie. "Hi," she said warmly back and vaguely wishing her uniform wasn't so dowdy.

"Roy will be staying with me for a while, and if he is unable to find a suitable job, he's going to come back to work for the old man," Frankie said, clapping Roy on the back. Link and Zelda stared between him and Malon, who had stopped looking transfixed and was busy pretending she was actually doing something with the cash register.

"Hope you like it here, man," Link said, as Frankie went to the kitchens to tell the cooks how cool his son was. "City's a pretty neat place."

"Yeah, that's what I hear," Roy said. "Oh, is there like a bulletin board in this place where I could put up a notice?"

"Nope; things here pretty much go by word of mouth," Zelda replied. "What message do you want out?"

"I'm looking for a roommate," Roy answered.

"Whoa, me too!" Link said quickly, shaking Roy's hand.

"Oh, really?" he said, surprised at having found success so soon.

"Yeah! Well, I mean, actually I'm _kind _of staying with someone, but we've kind of had a, er... falling out, and I need to get out of there as soon as possible, you know what I mean?"

"Sure, yeah," Roy answered.

As the two of them started discussing Roy's apartment, Zelda walked back to the worker side of the counter and nudged Malon. "What about Mordecai, honey?"

"Mordecai Shmordecai," Malon said. "Look at Roy! He's like a puppy dog!"

"Are you into that?" Zelda asked.

"Aw, he's so cute," Malon sighed under her breath. "This'll be real great if Link becomes his roomie. Not only will it eliminate the awkwardness problem I foresaw, but it might also mean we can, y'know..."

"Yeah."

Frankie walked out of the kitchen and stared at the back wall. "Malon," he said.

"Yeah, boss?"

Indicating the white board, he said, "Who is Leah?"

&-

A/N: Sorry if the joke with Leah's name is getting confusing. By the way, I_ KNOW_ Roy is not a Zelda character, but I decided it would be more interesting to have someone some people might recognize as opposed to Mordecai, another one of those annoying original characters. So feel free to review (and tess, that includes you).


	15. The Lady Doth Protest Too Much

A/N: Yes, it's been a while since I updated, and yes, the updates will probably continue to be sporadic. This is one hard year at school, though, so it's hard. But I'll try. Right now I have only this meager offering.

&-

"Hey, Zel, I've got a favor to ask you."

It was a Thursday afternoon, about two weeks after the last chapter occurred. Zelda had just finished clearing a table for six when Malon approached her, looking both apprehensive and excited.

"Sure, what's up, Mal?" she asked, wiping her brow.

"Um...well, um...you remember Roy? Frankie's son?"

"Yes..."

"Well, he couldn't really find a job anywhere," Malon said, interlocking her fingers and looking supremely awkward. "So...so Frankie said he's gonna work here. As, like, you know, a waiter."

"Oh, really?" Zelda asked, smiling. "Well, this should be interesting, shouldn't it, then? I mean, since you're all like, you know, obsessed with him."

"I am not _obsessed_ with him," Malon said, rolling her eyes. "Anyway... I was wondering if you'd help me out."

"Right, the favor. What is it?"

"Well...you know how he and Link started rooming together a very short time ago? As in like, you know, less than two weeks ago?"

"Yeah..."

"Yeah." Malon took a breath. "Roy is, um...you think he's done the thing yet where he knows you and Link are going out and has ascertained that you and I are like BFF so he might think Link _also_ knows me pretty well, and—"

"And you wonder if maybe Roy has gotten around to asking Link about you?" Zelda said for her with a knowing smile.

"Er...well, yeah. Is that lame?"

"Could be lamer," Zelda said honestly. "But you must seriously want to get to know him better, because you are repeatedly saying 'yeah,' 'well,' and 'you know,' which I learned quite some time ago means you are into something."

"Wow, am I really being that obvious?" Malon asked, subconsciously twisting her fingers together and picking up a rag to make her stop. She started to wipe mercislessly at an old coffee mug stain on the counter.

"Nah, it's just because I've known you for like, ever," Zelda assured her. "So what exactly was the favor you wanted? OOH, double date?"

"Oh, no!" Malon gasped. "Are in insinuating that _I _ask _him_ out? I don't do that. It's just not, like, what goes down... in the dating world..."

"Yeah, okay, babe," Zelda snickered. She turned and called into the kitchen. "Hey LeeLee, stop necking with the chef and get out here."

A loud hissing sound similar to that of a pot boiling over issued from the kitchen, and Leah stumbled out looking flushed and balancing three trays. "You perv, I was _not_ necking with the chef. I was merely seeing if table five's order was done yet."

Malon looked over her shoulder at table five. "Ah, yes. The Stiffler family; or, as we like to call them, the Stickler family... ugh. An older, more cantankerous group of sour golden-agers you never met!"

"Um, okay," Leah said, giving Malon a weirded-out look before trooping over to the table. Upon her return, she remarked, "Lovely old woman, that Mrs. Stiffler. I think she may have bruised my shin with that walking stick of hers."

"It's possible," Zelda said seriously. "I think it's steel." At the sound of the diner entrance door's tinkling bell going off, she looked up. "Hey, Link! Hi, Roy."

"Good morning," Roy said politely. "Well, I don't know if my uncle's told you yet, but today's the day I suit up for the job!" He inhaled deeply and stepped behind the counter. "Where's my uniform?"

Zelda unceremoniously tossed an apron at him and Malon winced. "How's your morning been, Link?"

"Ah, not that interesting," Link said. "With the exception that, on our way over, we had to cross the street with a bunch of high-schoolers and your pal Roy here said to the crossing-guard, 'good morrow, Constable' in a suspiciously authentic-sounding English accent."

"Ha, ha, no way!" Zelda laughed.

"British humor!" Malon positively guffawed. "Ha, ha, good one, Roy!"

"Yeah, well, y'know," Roy chuckled, on the verge of turning the same color as his hair. "Try to shake up the normal routine..."

"Speaking of shaking up the normal routine," Zelda gasped, "look who just came in! More people younger than the age of sixty-five!"

"That makes, I think, the second time since we met you," Malon informed the lot, pointing to Link. "Unless you count Saria."

Zelda was about to be polite and offer the chance to wait on these relatively young people to Leah, when she noticed the girl had disappeared. She looked down and saw her sitting on the floor with her back flat against the counter looking terrified. "Um, Leah? What's going on?"

"That's my English teacher that just walked in!" Leah whispered hoarsely.

"But I thought you said you dropped out of school," Zelda said slowly. She paused. "Oh wait, yeah. That explains the falling to the floor. Awkward!"

"I cannot show my face to that woman," Leah moaned. "I know she'll give me that whole 'wow, i'm so disappointed in you' look or 'gee, you dropped out of school to become a waitress at some dinky diner'—"

"HEY!" shouted Frankie, opening his office door to yell at them. "My diner is NOT dinky, young lady, so take that attitude out of here! And over there at table seven, in case you are all vision impaired, is a couple of young'ns without menus and nobody jumping to their service! Let's MOVE, people!!" He slammed the door shut.

"Okay, that was just scary," Malon commented. "No offense, Roy, but your uncle can be a little..._intense_ sometimes."

"Yeah, and he called those people 'young'ns,'" Link added.

They elicited no response. Roy's eyes were glued to the latest patron, who seemed a little embarrassed by Frankie's outburst on her behalf. "That's your _English teacher_?" he muttered. "She's a _babe_, man!"

"Ooh, looks like someone's hot for teacher!" Link teased him. "Hey, shouldn't one of you get going and wait on them?"

"I'm on it," Malon said brusquely, grabbing a couple of menus and stepping blatantly in front of Roy to get to the table.

"You honestly find her attractive?" Leah asked up.

"Are you kidding me? Look at those stems," Roy said.

"This is getting beyond creepy," Leah said, hitting her forehead with a menu.

"She looks kind of like the chick from Gilmore Girls," Link observed, as the teacher smiled politely up at Malon.

"What? Nah!" Zelda said, very pointedly giving Link the look that said 'hey, my friend likes your friend, and you are not helping.' "Lauren Graham is _way_ prettier than her. ... she looks to morelike the best friend in _The Princess Diaries_."

Roy and Link burst out laughing. "_Gilmore Girls _mom and _Princess Diaries _best friend, huh? That is somewhere between a bit of an insult and a very nice compliment," the former chuckled.

Hearing the uproar of laughter, Frankie once more deigned the situation worthy of his head being stuck out his office door. "Much as I do enjoy the mirth, if you could all keep it down, it would be much appreciated! I'm having a very important conversation on the telephone! And you, Roy—you may be my nephew, but if you don't get moving A.S.A.P. you'll be out of here faster than you can say Bob's-Your-Uncle!"

"More British humor?" Zelda wondered to the room at large.

With a dramatic sigh, Roy ducked under the counter and grabbed some menus. "My dad... 'a little more than kin but less than kind.'"

"That was Shakespeare, right, Roy?" Ruto asked, passing through and handing an order down to Leah.

"Yup."

"Ugh," Leah moaned. "Shakespeare... who cares? Why does everyone think his stories are so great? I mean, they're all the same."

"What do you mean?" questioned Roy, looking rather offended.

"You know," Leah sighed, rolling her eyes. "Boy meets girl, boy loses girl, boy gets girl, then they both kill themselves."

"That is **almost** the plot of _Romeo and Juliet_, not quite the only piece that Shakespeare ever wrote," Roy informed her.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," Leah called to him, brushing some of her hair over her shoulder and sauntering (cautiously) back into the kitchen to pick up more trays.

"Which play was that from, that quote you just said?" Link asked. "It sounds so familiar ... was it _Romeo and Juliet_?"

"No, _MacBeth_," Zelda said wisely.

"Zelda, we just watched _MacBeth_ like... a short while ago," Link said. "Don't you think I would remember that was what it was from?"

"That's why it sounds familiar," Zelda pointed out. "Because we just watched it. Do you seriously think you could remember a line from a play you read in high school?"

"Actually, the line was from _Hamlet_," Roy said before Link could reply.

"No; now that Zelda mentions it, I think she's right," Link said. "It's _MacBeth_."

"Dude, I believe that **I **know," Roy said eloquently. "And I am willing to bet my first paycheck that the line is from _Hamlet_."

"Yeah? Well I'll bet you... you're wrong," Zelda said lamely.

"C'mon, put your money where your mouth is!" Roy challenged her.

"Oh, fine! But I'm not betting my whole check; that's retarded." She cleared her throat. "I will bet... fifteen dollars the line is from _MacBeth_."

"Wait, now I'm confused, what was the line again?" Link asked.

Smirking, Roy answered, "'A little more than kin and less than kind.' All right, now I'm going to go and confirm that I am correct."

"How?" Zelda asked.

"Gonna go ask the teach, of course," Roy replied, still wearing a slightly eerie, lusty grin on his face. Malon was about to pass him with the tray of the teacher (and her date)'s food, but Roy very charmingly said, "Let me get that for you, Mal," and swept it out of her hands before she could as much as say, "Wherefore didst thou take my tray".

"Wow, he's a bit of a tease, isn't he?" Zelda muttered to Link as Leah crawled by her on her hands and knees to the kitchen (retrieving an order for Ruto) and they watched Roy schmooze the English teacher. She noticed Link was dazedly staring in the same direction; not really paying attention to what she was saying. "Hey," she said a little sharply. "You really think she's pretty?"

"Yeah," Link answered. A moment later he straightened up and quickly said, "I mean, uh—well, yeah, just not—not, you know, in like, an _obvious_ way." Stealing another glance, he said, "Why, do you?"

"Eh," Zelda responded, narrowing her eyes. "Pretty smile... but definitely no Lauren Graham, buster." She then noticed Leah tugging on her pant leg and gesturing to the heavy tray balanced on one upturned palm. "Oh—Leah! Geez." She picked up the tray and handed it over the counter to an impatiently waiting Ruto.

"Well, shell out the dough, Zelda," Roy said upon his return.

"The dough's in the kitchen, Roy," Zelda said, filling out an order slip.

"No, I mean the mazumas," Roy explained. "The samolians. The George W's. The clams. The—"

"Speak English!"

"You owe me fifteen dollars, Blondie," he said, leaning on his elbow on the counter and gazing over at the counter. "_Hamlet_."

"Ah, shoot, are you kidding me?" Zelda cried. "I could have sworn it was _MacBeth_! Grrr." Roy just laughed. "And she is not that pretty. So there."

"I guess not," Roy sighed. "But she's funny. Got an odd sort of charm..."

"Listen, _Romeo_," she mocked him. "I don't suppose that thirty-something guy with her is her **dad**, is it?"

"Oh, Zelda, you are hilarious," Roy said, rolling his eyes. "Just because she appears taken doesn't mean I'm not allowed to fantasi—"

"Okay, there, buddy," Link interrupted, thumping Roy hard on the back. "Let's just forget teach, all right? Zel, pay up."

"I don't have any money on me right now. I'll just have to owe you," Zelda apologized. "No, I swear!! I will. Really."

"I'll make sure of it," Link said. "Why don't you come over tonight? You and Malon. I feel like just sitting in tonight and watching a movie or something."

"Like _Hamlet!_" Roy suggested excitedly. "The Kenneth Branagh version is excellent. Or Laurence Olivier's."

"Isn't there a Mel Gibson one?" Zelda asked.

"Yeah," Link answered before Roy could. "How'd you know? I thought you said _MacBeth_ was the first non-_Romeo and Juliet_ Shakespeare movie you'd ever seen."

"_Clueless_, duh!" Zelda said, very valley-girl. "And unless Baz Luhrman ever did _Hamlet_, too, I'm not watching another Shakespeare movie for a while."

"Does _Shakespeare In Love_ count?" Link asked.

"Oh, geez, you're not telling me you actually liked the Leonardio DiCaprio version of _Romeo and Juliet_, are you?" Roy asked Zelda. "That was horrible."

"What are you talking about, it was beautiful," Zelda said very seriously. "Well, Leo was, anyway."

"Um..." Link said.

"Don't be silly, m'boy!" Zelda assured him. "You're still my fave. But um, yeah, sorry, that old one just didn't cut it for me."

"What—Franco Zefferelli was a genius!" Roy cried. "How dare you insult his version of that movie!"

"Oh, come on," Zelda said, rolling her eyes. "Natalie Wood? Please."

"Natalie _Wood?_ Bite your tongue! Natalie Wood was not in that movie!"

"Yes she was! I'll bet you another fift—"

"Don't," Link interjected. "Just don't. He's right. Olivia Hussy played Juliet."

"I've never heard of her," Zelda said. "What else was she in."

"Nothing, really," Link replied. "_Psycho III_, or something."

"There was a threquel to _Psycho_?" Zelda inquired, puzzled. "Wait. There was a **sequel** to _Psycho_?"

"Whatever," Roy said. "I want to watch _Hamlet_."

"Fine," Zelda hissed. "But I get to pick the version."

"Fine," Roy said, slightly mocking her tone. "Which one? I'll rent it later."

"Oh, it's okay, I'll bring it," Zelda said. "Let's watch the Disney version."

"There's not a Disney version of _Hamlet!_" Roy scoffed.

"Of course there is," Zelda said very matter-of-factly. "And **this** one I am willing to bet my fifteen dollars on."

"You're on!" Roy said confidently.

"Ha! I win!" Zelda teased him. "_The Lion King_."

It took Roy a moment. "Wait, what?"

"Hey, you're right!" Link said after another moment. "If I remember Hamlet correctly, there was an evil Uncle involved ...not to mention an evil Uncle who killed his brother to get a kingdom. Haha, that's so funny." He turned to Roy, who was looking highly exasperated, and said, "Bro, you walked right into that one."

"Malon," Zelda called to the red-head, who was just heading to the teacher's table to offer them more coffee. "Unless you have plans, we're going to Link and Roy's tonight for a movie. Bring tissues."

"_Steel Magnolias_?" Malon asked hopefully.

"_The Lion King_."

"I'll bring the extra-large box," Malon said with a faux little gasp. Then, her expression souring slightly, she continued on her way to the teacher's table, and said, "May I offer you some more coffee, or will you be on your merry way now?"

"Oh, thanks, but I'm fine," the young woman said. "Only, I—I actually just had a question I was wondering if I could ask you."

Slightly confused, Malon said, "Shoot."

"Well, I'm an English teacher at Our Lady of Sorrows; it's a high school," the woman explained. "And I just wanted to know if... if there's a girl who works here by the name of Leah Foxworthy?"

"Leah went to a Catholic school?" Malon blurted out in surprise. Pause. "Oh, wait. I mean, no. There is no Leah here."

"It's not a Catholic school anymore," the teacher said, smiling. "They've just been too lazy to change the name to something less religious sounding. Anyway." Her tone became slightly more business-like. "Leah Foxworthy? Long black hair, pale skin, somewhat moody looking?"

"Someone's tipped you off," Malon said, narrowing her eyes and raising an eyebrow, slowly filling the cup of the teacher's date with coffee.

"Actually, yes," the teacher admitted. "I've asked some of my students if they knew what became of her, because the principal was a bit scant on details ... so anyway one of them told me they thought they saw her working here."

"Yeah; well, she's—you've missed her shift," Malon lied quickly. "She won't be here for another few hours."

"Oh, no?" the teacher asked lightly. "Well...if ... look." She pulled out a small notebook pad from her bag and scribbled down a number. "When she _does_ get here, would you give her this? She's a really smart kid, and I know she's dropped out of school, but I have no idea why. If you could tell her I'd love to speak with her and if she'd call me at that number ... it would be great."

"Sure, I will," Malon said, slowly taking the slip of paper and sticking it in her pocket. "Thanks."

"Thank _you_." The teacher turned to her date. "C'mon, Derek, we'd better be going if you want to make that lecture." Quickly the man slurped down some of the coffee, left a twenty on the table, and muttered "keep the change" to Malon. They exited.

Slowly, Malon turned on her heel and returned to the counter. Zelda looked up and asked, "So? What was that? You were at the woman's table for ever. You didn't, like, talk to her about Roy, did you?"

"Of course not," Malon hissed. "She wanted me to give Leah this—"

"Give me what?" Leah inquired, finally resurfacing from the floor/kitchen. She tried to look at the paper Zelda now held in her hand.

"Oooh, look at this! Our wittle Weah got a number from that pwetty lady that just left!" Zelda teased, pinching Leah's cheek and handing her the paper. "Aww, she was just too shy to give it to you hewself!!"

"Shut up," Leah muttered, staring at the number. Barely a second later she tossed it into the trash can under the counter. "Whatever."

"Poor emo child," Malon sighed, watching Leah pop a maraschino cherry into her mouth and then putting another one into a Shirley Temple. "That teacher seemed nice, though." She clicked her tongue. "Ah, well. So. _Lion King_ tonight, huh?"

"Yup," Zelda said, grinning. "Should be fun, huh? Haven't watched that one for a while. I kept meaning to. Now I can say I know _Hamlet_."

"Weird," Malon said, idly opening the cash register. "I always saw it as being based more on _Bambi_."

"So I guess we can say it's based on Bamlet," Zelda joked. Suddenly she burst into hysterical guffawing. "Hahaha, I make myself laugh and laugh and laugh..."

"Oh, geez," Malon said, as Zelda continued to shamelessly laugh at her little joke. "Did somebody let her get into the Dr. Pepper, again?"

"Whoops, my bad," Ruto said. "Sorry. Hey, did you see where Link went?"

"Nope," Malon said. "I was busy with Ms. Teacher before she walked out."

"Huh. I can't find Roy, so I thought I'd ask Link, so I was gonna be like, 'hey Link,' but then he like, wasn't there."

"Uh-_huh_..." Malon looked over at the men's bathroom and saw Link walking out of it. "Well, wow. What a miracle. Hey, Link, have you seen Roy?"

"Yes."

"Within the last few moments?"

"Yeah. That English teacher left something here and he ran after them to give it to her." He shrugged and returned to his stool.

Slightly dumbfounded, Malon stared at the vacated teacher table and said, "Oh. I thought I would have noticed."

A few minutes later, Roy walked triumphantly back in, holding a small slip of paper similar to the one Leah had just thrown out. "I got her number."

"No _way_," Link groaned, staring at him in awe. "Wasn't she with her boyfriend when she gave it to you??"

"Nice try, cherry pie," Zelda said, patting Roy on the head and taking the slip from his hand. "That's not for you." She turned to Link and explained, "It's for Leah. She probably had an idea that kid would throw out the number the first time she tried."

Sighing dramatically, Roy walked under the counter. "Too bad. So anyway, tonight? Our place? _Hamlet_?"

"_The Lion King_, yes," Zelda teased him in a sing-song voice.

And so it was. The four of them (in Link and Roy's apartment) began the movie around 8:00 and only within the first fifteen minutes, Zelda and Malon had managed to get into an argument.

"Ed was **not** voiced by a mentally retarded person," Zelda argued, pausing the movie. "That would be **so** not PC. Please."

"I swear, it's true," Malon said. "I mean, seriously. And, look! Whoopi Goldberg, Cheech Marin? Minorities, Zelda. It's subliminal messaging."

"Are you going to start reading into Scar's mane color, too?" Zelda asked.

Rolling his eyes, Link nudged Roy and nodded towards the kitchen. "We'll be right back," he announced to the bickering girls. "Make some popcorn..."

"Do they always get like that in the movies?" Roy chuckled.

"Yup," Link said, throwing a bag of popcorn into the microwave. "Well, movies, books, politics, almost anything. A few weeks ago we went to the pool after they made me sit through _A League of Their Own_, and I swear they had an argument that lasted at least two hours debating whether or not Dottie dropped the ball on purpose."

"Wow."

"I know. I think Zelda said their record is... four hours straight. Possibly exaggerated, but then, the topic was on Snape. Whether or not he's good or bad; if he can be trusted, etc."

"Who's Snape?" Roy asked.

Link stared at him. "I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that. Anyway, we should probably hurry back in there and nip this thing in the bud. I don't know about you, but personally I don't want to have to listen to a three hour squabble over potentially questionable casting of _The Lion King_."

Re-entering the living room, Link said, "Hey! You started up the movie without us!" He plunked down next to Zelda and made a mock upset face.

"Where did you guys go, anyway?" Malon asked, reaching for some popped corn.

"Um, the _kitchen_," Link said, waving the popcorn bowl. "What happened to the fight you guys were having?"

"Fight is such an ugly word," Zelda said disdainfully. "We were having a mildly heated discussion."

"And it ended pretty much right after you guys up and left," Malon continued. "We were distracted by seeing _Cinderella_ on your shelf wedged backwards between _Lord of the Rings_ and _Full Metal Jacket_."

"Dude, you own _Full Metal Jacket_?" Link asked, giving Roy a very dubious look. "That's, um... interesting..."

"I think you're thinking of _The Fully Monty_," Zelda said.

"Oh. Oh, yeah." Link reached towards the shelf and pulled out _Cinderella_. "Hm. I've never seen this."

"What're you, kidding me?" Zelda gasped. "Well, okay. Don't worry, because Malon and I decided we're going to watch that once this movie is over."

"Okay, first of all, no," Roy said. "And second of all, that's not mine."

"Uh-huh. Then what's it doing here?" Malon asked, taking the DVD out of Link's hands and examining the back. "OMGOSH Zelda, look at all the extra features!"

"It's my neice's," Roy explained to Link over Malon and Zelda's overexcited chattering about the special features on _Cinderella_.

"Whatever, dude," Link chuckled, starting up the movie again.

Then came the stampede scene. "Ah, no," Link sighed when Zelda began to mock flipping out. "You aren't going to _cry_, are you?"

"No," Zelda said in a high-pitched voice. "But if I do, that gives you no license to laugh at me. At all. Because this is a very dramatic scene. And traumatizing. The first time I ever saw it I nearly drowned the whole theater with my tears. The scars are with me to this day. Do you guys have any Root Beer?"

Malon rolled her eyes, but Link laughed and said, "Sure, I'll go get you one."

"Wait, I'll come with you," Zelda said, getting to her feet and leaving Malon and Roy sitting very awkwardly alone.

"So," Malon said after a long silence. "This is pretty intense, huh?"

"Yeah," Roy said stiffly. "Very Shakespearian."

"Right," Malon agreed. "Because Scar kills Mufasa, but tells everyone else a different story. Kind of like Claudius with Hamlet Senior."

"Yup," Roy said, smiling a bit but unsure of what to say next. "Yeah."

Meanwhile, in the kitchen, Zelda had perched herself on top of a counter while Link rummaged around in the refrigerator for a Root Beer. "Here you are," he said, finally resurfacing from the depths of the afore-mentioned kitchen object. "A good, old-fashioned root beer."

"You know what else is good?" Zelda asked, idly taking the can from him.

"What?" he asked with a taunting smile, placing his hands on either side of the counter where she sat.

"You," she replied quietly.

He was slightly lost for words, not sure if she was being serious or not. It struck him that it was the latter when she took his face in her hands, and planted a small, hesitant kiss on his lips. Almost immediately, Link's hands moved up to her waist and he pulled her off the counter and into his embrace, all the while opening and closing his mouth upon her own, smaller one. Zelda, who had initiated the action with a great amount of fearful anticipation, felt her muscles relaxing and she eased into the kiss.

But then he broke it off. He closed his eyes, but could still hear her heavy breathing and could almost see the expectant, curious look in her eyes. When Link did open his again, it was to see her looking a little confused.

"I wondered what that would be like," she said, a bit stoically.

There was something odd in her tone. Was he a bad kisser? Link took her hands and said, "I love you, Zel."

She calmed him down by indulging him a sweet smile. "Never doubt that I don't love you."

"Are you guys done yet?" Roy yelled from the other room.

"Yeah, come on, Timon and Pumbaa are about to show up," Malon added.

"Well...maybe we'd better get back," Zelda said. "We don't want to miss the entrance of Rosencratz and Guildenstern. I mean, Timon and Pumbaa."

"No, I don't guess we would," Link said, continuing to eye her adoringly. Then, his cell phone rang, rather loudly. He fumbled for a moment and got it out of his pocket, then stared at the number.

"Is it urgent?" Zelda asked, trying to read his near-blank expression.

"Uh, no," he said quickly. "No; I just have to take this, though. It'll only be a minute. Go on ahead."

"Okay." She grinned bashfully and gave him a small peck on the cheek before returning to the living room.

Link walked quickly outside and opened the phone. "..."

"Hey...Link?"

"Ilyia."

&-

A/N: Well, there it is. I think Ilyia was that girl from Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess, i.e. the new game; I think I spelled her name wrong, though, so if anyone wants to help out, that would be great. Review, please. You know what to do.


	16. Who's Your Daddy?

A/N: So, where we last left off, _Ilia_ (thanks for the correction, guys) had called up Link during the Lion King. Let's continue:

&-

"How's it going?"

Link couldn't reply to Ilia's question; he was too angry, too stunned, too upset by the level of normalcy she was attempting to achieve. "Well gee, Ilia, everything's been great. Could not be better. Gosh, thanks for asking. How. Are. You."

She whimpered. "Come on, don't sound so upset, Link."

"Don't tell me not to sound upset," Link said, probably harsher than he meant to. "Why are you calling me?"

"I just wanted to see how things were going with you."

"That's bull, don't give me that. And if it _is _true, there's more wrong with you than I thought! Ilia, you just walk out after being with me for _two years_, don't leave me any contact information, never call me back when I leave you messages, never pick up the phone when I tried to call you, and never once tried to get in contact with me! It's been _seven years_. Why now? Why are you calling me??"

She sighed; defeated. "Things...have been a bit off, lately." She hesitated very noticeably. "I'm just not... not so good, you know?"

"LINK!"

Link jumped and realized the others were shouting at him.

"You're going to miss 'Hakuna Matata!'" Malon yelled.

"Hold on a sec, Ilia." He put the phone to his chest and shouted, "What?"

"Ha_kuna_, Ma_tata_!" Roy repeated in perfect imitation of Pumbaa, for those who have viewed the movie recently. "It's a great song, dude."

"Oh; yeah, I'll be there in a minute," Link said back. "Don't stop it." He walked out onto the patio and put the cellphone to his ear again. "Make this quick, Ilia."

"I'm sorry, you're not alone, are you?" she asked.

"No, for your information, I am not," Link replied, still sounding extremely bitter. "I'm with my roommate. And my girlfriend."

Ilia didn't speak for surprise, and the silence crushed him. "Oh." That was such an annoying, small word. It could be used to explain too many feelings, but Link had a basic idea of what was behind this "oh." She said it again. "Oh... Link, I'm sorry to have just called you—almost on a whim, not thinking. . ."

"Not thinking I'd get another girlfriend after you? That would've been pretty smart, huh?" Link hissed. "And look at me! It's taken me seven years to find a girl I thought might actually be worth sticking to."

"You haven't had a girlfriend for seven years?" Ilia asked, sounding guilty but feeling hopeful.

"I've _had_ girlfriends," Link responded tartly. Then he sighed and the wind seemed to come out of his sails; he resignedly sat down on a porch chair. "Sometimes, Ilia, when we were together, I... I thought you were the one. I really did. After we broke up, I couldn't get that feeling again. Yeah, there were girls. Funny girls, hot girls, sweet girls, but...none of them were right for me."

"Until...who came along?" Ilia asked in a constricted voice.

"Her name's Zelda," Link replied; a smile unseen by Ilia crept upon his face and he straightened up in his chair. "She works at a diner I've been going to for a while. To use your phrase, I asked her out—on a whim—and things have been great for us ever since." He was so elated just talking about her. "She's everything, Ilia. Funny, sweet, understanding—"

"But she isn't 'hot,'" Ilia half-chuckled, "am I right?"

By her tone, Link knew she wasn't being condescending or insinuating ugliness. "You're right," he answered. "She's beautiful."

Ilia felt herself melting, wishing desperately that he could be talking about her. "I hope you've told her that, Link. Any girl would die to hear that."

And he knew that by 'any girl,' she was talking especially about herself. "Yeah." He shifted uncomfortably in the chair. "So, what. You still haven't told me what you called me about. What's going on?"

Here Link was, in his relaxed state, as Ilia had hoped to reach him, but now she was afraid to say what she had called to say. "Link, I'm a terrible person."

Link sighed. "You're not...you're not _terrible_, Ilia."

"But I am," she sighed. "I—you don't understand, you don't know the whole story. But I can't tell you everything over the phone."

She was wheedling him into an engagement somewhere. "Come on, Ilia. Just tell me what it is you want. Do you need money?"

"No Link, no," she said, trying to keep herself from crying. "I'm being honest, here. I really need to talk to you in person. I'm going to be in the city this Tuesday, and I'll be there through Friday. If you could please just give me an hour of your time, you have no idea how much it would mean to me."

He could hear the laughter of his three friends from inside the room and heaved a sigh. Did she really need his help, or was this the classic case of the ex-girlfriend calling and trying to hook up with the old boyfriend? In which case there would be the classic problem of telling the new girlfriend about seeing the old girlfriend, and then—

"Link, please," Ilia said quietly. "I'm asking you as a friend."

"Fine," he heard himself say, defeated. "Fine. I'll call you back in a couple of hours, all right? Once I figure out my plans for this week."

"Okay, okay," Ilia said eagerly. She calmed down a bit. "You—you _are_ going to call, though, aren't you, Link?"

"I always call, remember?" he asked a bit sourly, getting to his feet. He then walked back into the kitchen; saying good-bye was awkward. "I'll... talk to you later, then, I guess. Bye."

"Goodbye."

Putting the phone back in his pocket, Link reentered the living room with a smile plastered on his face. "So, what'd I miss?"

"Geez, dude, you were gone for like, ever," Roy said. "Simba grew up."

"Yeah, who were you talking to?" Zelda said, pulling her legs in to make room for Link on the couch.

Beat. "Just an old friend, said h—he might be in town next week. He wanted to know if we could meet for lunch, or something."

"Wow, that's great!" Zelda said. "Are you—"

"SH!" Malon shushed them. "This is one of my favorite parts. Rafiki is about to hit Simba with his medicinal stick or whatever it is!" Indeed, only moments later, Rafiki clubbed Simba over the head with his stick, sending Roy and Malon into peals of laughter.

"So, are you going to meet him?" Zelda whispered into Link's ear.

"Um, maybe. It depends on my schedule, I guess, and his," Link lied.

Zelda then asked the question Link had dreaded might come up. "Do you think I could meet him? I'd love to be able to see some of your old friends; you know mine."

"Yeah, sure," Link lied again, smiling forcibly, assuring himself he'd have to lie again and tell Zelda whatever days were good for her would not be good for his "friend." "When will you be free?" Another beat. "Because he'll only be here for two days—" –another lie- "and for one of those days, he's going to be at an all-day conference."

"Ooh, only two days?" Zelda said. "Never mind, then, I want you guys to be able to catch up, not waste the time it would take to get us acquainted!"

She could be so painfully perfect, sometimes. "Zel, that's really nice of you, but I wouldn't mind it if you—"

"No, Link, it's fine," she interrupted him. "Really. If you do find that he has the time, though, why don't you bring him by the diner during one of my shifts? I could wait on you and everything, it would be totally fun!" She smiled one of those mega-watt smiles, making Link feel like an absolute jerk for not being honest.

"Okay," he said with a small smile. He reached for her hand and took it in his own, then brought it to his lips and kissed it gently.

"Guys, stop talking," Malon hissed. "This is the part of the movie where Nala wakes up Timon and Pumbaa very amusingly to get them to follow Simba and recover Pride Rock. And it's one of my favorite parts."

"Why are we watching this if you have the whole thing entirely memorized?" Roy asked with a wry smile.

"Just basic plot elements, my dear Watson," Malon said back, grinning.

"I better shut you up," Link chuckled under his breath. Zelda raised an eyebrow then smiled (mostly to herself) when before she knew it he was kissing her. He was being borderline rough, but Zelda didn't care—he was holding her closer than anyone had ever held her before. Perhaps because of this she began to shrink away slightly; Link got the message and backed off a bit. They sat there in the dark, half-focused on the cartoon in front of them. Then slowly, Link kissed her hair, her neck, back up to her ear, and Zelda couldn't deny the passion anymore and he finally came to rest upon her lips again. He felt her arms stroking the muscles on his back and shoulders, and the tightness inside him began to build up when suddenly, he remembered—

—Ilia's face appeared in his mind; her little smile, her funny laugh.

_"Come on, Link, what if they come back?"_

_"It's all right, Ilia," he whispered, planting those familiar little kisses on her neck. "We're all alone out here. You, me, and whatever constellation that is up there."_

_She tittered into the back of her hand and lay back on his outstretched arm. He pulled her into him and kissed her, then laughed. _

_"We got it pretty good, Link," she murmured. _

_"Yeah, we do_."

He was jerked back to his sense when Zelda sat up abruptly. This was particularly awkward as she'd pretty much been lying down beneath him and had chosen this moment of the blue to perk right up. Link gave a little moan of pain instigated by the top of her hand inadvertently smacking his jaw line in her anticipation to get up.

"Whoops—sorry, Link," she chuckled. "Did I hurt?"

"Hurt?"

"Hurt you."

"No, no," he laughed. "That was just unexpected, is all."

She patted him on the arm and redirected her attention to the screen again. "Oh, man, this is intense."

"I _know!_" Malon practically guffawed, completely ignorant of the quasi-makeout session that had just taken place behind her. "Those were some sweet moves pulled by the baboon right there."

The movie ended a short while thereafter, and the group agreed to reconvene later that week to force Link to see _Cinderella_. Malon drove Zelda to her apartment, and Roy was now surfing channels on the TV. Link walked silently back into the kitchen and called Ilia. "Pick a day," he said. "Any day."

On the Chosen Day

Link walked briskly into Barnes & Noble bookstore, headed straight for the Café. He picked up a random magazine to pretend to read and plunked down at one of the empty tables. He had to turn away two girls who had flirtatiously asked if the other chair at his table was free. Checking his watch, he made a small grunt of disbelief and then told himself he shouldn't be all that surprised—punctuality had never been one of Ilia's strong-points, there was no reason why it should be now.

Somebody kicked his chair.

"Ow!" He turned around and saw a blonde little boy in a green outfit Boy Scout uniform staring at him. The boy raised his brown, boot-clad foot and kicked Link's chair again. "Kid, what do you think you're doing?!" he asked.

"Just sayin' hello, there, Sir," the boy said. He sat himself down in the vacant chair opposite Link. "You're gonna need another chair, dude."

"Kid, what're you talking about?" Link asked through his teeth. He had very little patience for small children, and believed irreverent ones like this one should be kept on leashes. "Get outta there, I'm expecting someone."

"Yeah, I know," the boy laughed.

"So—" Link's speech halted. That laugh was eerily familiar. "Wait."

"My mom'll be here in just a second. We had a race from the bus stop. Well, I mean, I just kind of started running to beat her here, and she told me to slow down, but I didn't 'cause then I'd lose the race she didn't know we were having."

Link stared at him. "Oh, myyy—"

"Link!"

He looked up, startled. "Ilia. Don't tell me this is yours."

Ilia tapped the kid on the shoulder and said, "Hon, why don't you go over to the comic books over there, okay? I'll buy you any one you want later."

"Any _two_ I want?" the kid bargained.

"Yes, okay, any two. Now please get up and let me sit down."

"'Kay. See ya!" The blonde little boy dashed off, allowing an exhausted-looking Ilia to sit down.

"Hi," she said breathlessly. Link was staring at her, jaw slightly open. "Didn't your mother ever teach you that it was rude to gape at people?" she teased lightly.

"That's your kid," was all he could say.

"Yes," she said wistfully.

"That's your kid."

"Yes."

"YOUR kid."

"Yes, Link."

"How old is he?"

"Nearly seven."

"Seven." Link leaned back in his chair, staring at the ceiling. "Cute. Seven. Huh. Well." He cast his glance about; anywhere but her. "You know it's physically impossible for him to be mine, Ilia."

"Of course he's not _yours_," Ilia sighed. "But he's mine. And he's going to be seven in just a couple months."

"Yes, we've established that," Link said stiffly. He finally forced himself to look her in the eyes, which were full of sorrow and hesitancy. Crossing his arms in the most manly, nonchalant way possible, he asked, "I don't suppose you'd tell me whose it is."

She was silent. "This is going to sound so bad," she whispered. "But I only have a hunch about it."

"A _hunch_. You have a _hunch?_ And the kid is seven freakin' years old?" Link said in disbelief. "You are incredible, Ilia, you know that? Incredible!"

"And here I sit," she said calmly. "A living testament to the fact that nothing good can ever come out of those lousy, drunken, one-night stands."

"One-night stand?" Link muttered. He closed his eyes and let out a mirthless laugh. "Ah. So we were still together."

"We were still together," Ilia confirmed.

More mirthless laughter. "Wow."

"Link, I am _so_ sorry."

"Yeah? Well, I'm sorry, too," Link said. "I can't believe you. I still can't. So this kid is the reason you walked out, huh?"

"I was scared," Ilia responded. "Young, and scared. I knew you wouldn't ...I mean, this was really bad... that I did that to you. And I was petrified of the mere idea of you finding out I was, y'know, pregnant. I had no idea how to tell you. So I just—"

"Just walked out," Link interjected. "Walked right on out. No explanation, no note, no calls... just leave everything in its place to let sort itself out, huh? Thanks a lot."

"Link, I didn't want to hurt you," Ilia persisted. "That's why I left you without saying anything."

"You don't think that hurt?"

"Well, I mean, this is different... please, Link. That's one of the things you don't have to worry about, you're a guy! You don't get pregnant!"

"Thanks for the biology lesson, Ilia, I'll log _that_ one away," Link said, his voice heavy with sarcasm. He shook his head. "I didn't think you could sink any lower than just up and leaving me. But you don't even know who that kid's father is."

"I told you, I think I do."

"Well 'thinking' you have a 'hunch' isn't all that better, sweetheart."

Her heart twisted to hear him use the term of endearment so harshly, so cold and ironically. "This is what I came to talk to you about." She was trembling. "I need to ask you a tremendous favor." She paused, making sure she had his full attention. "His—"

"What's his name?" Link once more interrupted her.

"Who?"

"Your kid," he answered through his teeth. "What's his name?"

"Oh, dear," she said, blushing. A small laugh escaped her lips, but she quickly stifled it because she was pretty sure Link wasn't amused. "I don't think you'll like it. I named him after you."

"What?"

"I named him after you," she reiterated. "Link, I haven't known a lot of guys in my lifetime. I never knew my dad. You were the first serious boyfriend I ever had, and before that—come on, we were such good friends. You're an amazing guy, Link. And so when they asked me what I was going to name the boy, yours was just the first name that came into my head. Young Link."

"_Young_ Link?" the namesake asked, raising his eyebrows. "Are you still gonna call him that when he's 30?"

"Yeah, maybe," Ilia teased him, smiling now that he was a little amused.

"All right, then. What's the favor, Ilia?"

She felt more calm now. There was a rueful smile on Link's face; he was his old self around her again. "Well...you know how I said I had a hunch about Young Link's father, and ... I _finally_ found him, after all this time. I talked to him online, and he said he'd like to me stay over for a few days to talk about things."

"You want me to take the kid," Link guessed.

"Oh, Link," she sighed. "Only for a few days. Five at the most. It would mean _so _much if you could help me out with this."

"Five days, huh?" He clasped his hands together, pondering the idea. "You know, Ilia, I'm not so crazy about kids."

"I know you're not," she said quickly, soothingly. "But once you get used to him, or once he gets used to you, he's really a pretty good kid. I swear, he won't cause you any trouble, o-or inconvenience whatsoever."

"Ilia, I'd like to help you, but I don't know if I can," Link said sincerely. "I'd have to get my boss to agree to let me keep him around work."

"Please, Link," Ilia said. "I just want him to be able to spend time with you, first of all. I know five days isn't relatively very long, but he hasn't had a lot of positive male influence in his life, and... I don't know, I mean I know this sounds cheesy, and _Stella Dallas_-y and everything, but I'd just love it if he could get to know you just a little. See how great you really are."

"Come on," Link laughed. She was flattering him, but like always, he was having trouble telling if it was sincere or if she was just trying to cajole him into doing what she wanted. He looked over at the young kid, who was poring over a Superman comic. "All right, but you know, that was a very ill-used _Stella Dallas_ reference."

"I need to brush up on my Barbara Stanwyck, yeah," she chuckled.

Link frowned again. "But what would I tell people?"

"I, er—I kind of told Young Link you're his Uncle," Ilia said awkwardly. "I thought that if you _did_ take me up on this, you could just tell people that. You know, that he's your nephew."

"It's a good thing, then, that none of the friends I've had forever hang around me anymore," Link said, "'cause they'd know in a second I couldn't have a nephew."

"So you'll do it?" she asked tentatively.

"Yeah, I'll do it," he said, looking rueful again.

"Oh, thank you, Link! I love you!" Ilia cried. "I mean, I—I really appreciate what you're doing for me. And I'll keep in touch, okay? Make sure everything's all right. You can tell me if he's acting up."

"Yeah, ditto," Link said, getting to his feet. "If things don't go down okay with whoever this guy is you're seeing, ... let me know."

"Okay," she said, also standing up. She called over to the boy. "Hey, Young Link! C'mere. You're going to be staying with your Uncle for a few days."

&-

A/N: Sorry; bit of a short chapter. But I have some stuff I have to do and I wanted to upload some, so here you guy. GASP scandal. Please review if you're reading this.

HAHA whoops. Thanks for the corrections about Saria/Ilia! That's what I get for not editing all the way through.


	17. Eleanor Parker has Amazing Hair

Link walked Ilia and her son outside the bookstore and then stopped awkwardly. "Um... do you need me to take him today?"

"No," Ilia answered quickly. "I promised to sort of show him the sights today, but by tomorrow I'm afraid I'll be a bit too busy to be, you know, carting him around."

"Right, so..."

"Can I drop him by your place? Where are you staying?"

For some odd reason he couldn't quite place, Link felt a bit weird disclosing his address to a former ex-girfriend with whom he'd had no contact for seven years. "Um... would it be all right if I picked him from your place? I just think I'd be a little more... comfortable that way. Where are _you_ staying?"

"Oh, okay," Ilia agreed. "I'm at the Sunset, it's on—"

"Yeah, I know where it is," Link cut her off in order to save the author from having to think up some bogus address of a hotel she's pretty sure doesn't exist (at least in the city). He looked down at the kid. "So I guess I'll see you later, _Young Link_." Wow. That was going to have to take some getting used to.

Young Link looked up from his comic book. "That's so weird that your name is Link, too. Or I guess maybe not, if you're my uncle. So never mind." He went back to his book, then looked up again. "So I'm gonna be staying with you?"

"That's right," Link answered, with a smile but wondering why kids always seemed to need things to be repeated. "I'm sure we'll have a swell old time."

"Yeah, I guess," Young Link said with a shrug, then going back to his comic.

"What time do you need me to be there?" Link asked Ilia.

"Would nine be all right?"

"No problem. I'll see you then."

&& So, at 9:00 a.m. the next day::

Ilia and Young Link were waiting for him in the lobby. Taking a deep breath to steady himself (and still not sure if he was doing the right thing), Link stepped through the hotel's revolving doors and walked stiffly over to them. Ilia stood with one of her gracious little smiles, and Young Link got to his feet as well. He looked over his "uncle" with a very doubtful gaze, then took a folded-up comic out of his back pocket and started to read it.

"Honey, don't be rude," Ilia said to him. "Say good morning to your uncle."

"Hi," Young Link said, barely looking up.

"The Green Lantern," Link said, seeing the cover of the comic. "You've got good taste, little dude."

"You read the Green Lantern?" Young Link asked skeptically, raising his eyebrows and actually looking at Link.

"Well, sure, I used to," Link answered. "In fact, I've still got a box of old issues stashed somewhere."

"You do??" Young Link asked in shock. A very cute smile lit up his little face as he asked, "could I read 'em??"

"Yeah, sure," Link replied, relieved that they seemed to have at least one thing in common. "Tell you what. We can drop by my place, grab a few, and then take them to my favorite diner and you can look at them during breakfast. Sound okay?"

"Yeah, let's go!" Young Link said, rushing forward and grabbing his namesake's hand. "Bye, mom!"

Ilia laughed at his sudden burst of enthusiasm, and said to Link (who was trying very hard to stay put and not get dragged off by a seven year old), "Thank you so much for doing this for me, Link. I know it's a huge favor to ask, and that you aren't particularly f-o-n-d of k-i-d-s, so..."

"Don't worry about it, Ilia," Link said, coming off sounding much more relaxed than he actually was. "I'm glad to be able to help out an… old friend."

She gave him a rueful smile and they both stood there feeling very awkward. Fortunately Young Link didn't get what the tension was about and with one final yank managed to get Link moving towards the door. "I guess I'll see ya," he said to Ilia over his shoulder.

"Yeah, I'll call you later," she promised, slowly gathering her things.

A few minutes later, the two of them had gotten a cab. Young Link finished his comic book and stuffed it back into his pocket. He twiddled his thumbs for a minute, then said, "This is kinda weird."

"Kinda," Link agreed, knowing the situation was much weirder—if that was the right word—than the kid actually thought.

"I mean, how come I've never met you before?" the boy asked. "If you're my uncle, shouldn't I have seen you? Like, at Christmas, or Thanksgiving or something?"

"Uh, well... your mom and I have kind of been..." _Oh, how to put this_. "Going our different... directions for a while, and you know, it be kind of hard to keep up." He snorted a laugh and couldn't help adding, "don't tell your mom I said this, but she's not exactly good at getting back to people."

"What do you mean?" Young Link asked, sounding insulted.

_Ah_. _I shouldn't have said that_. "Well, I mean, I've called her and stuff to see if she wanted to hang out or something, but she had a hard time calling me back. So we just didn't talk for a very, very long time." _Oh, geez_. _He still looks mad at me dissing Ilia_. "But I guess it's partly my fault, too. We both could have tried a little harder to make things work out." Then he added the line all kids hated to hear but when they did they shut up: "You'll understand it better when you're older."

Young Link shrugged. "Whatever. I was just wondering." There was an uncomfortable pause. "What do I call you? Am I supposed to call you _Uncle_ Link?"

Link burst out laughing. _That sounds __horrible_. "Look, why don't you just call me Link? It may be a little confusing at first, for both of us, since we both kind of have the same name, but ..." He laughed again, fully aware that Young Link couldn't really catch on to what was funny. "It'd just be so weird to hear someone calling me 'uncle.'"

"Okay, whatever, Link."

"Oh. Here we are..."

And because nothing interesting happened at Link's apartment (other than giving the lad a few comics), nothing got written about it and we now proceed to Frankie's.

"Hey, guys," Roy said to Zelda, Malon, Leah and Ruto. "I need a favor from one of you. Just one of you."

"Hmmm, someone's about to ask for a cover," Ruto laughed in a sing-song voice.

"Well, no point in beating around the bush I guess," Roy sighed. "I just need to shave an hour off my shift. So someone to cover for me from noon to one."

"What would we say if Frankie came out and saw you weren't here?" Zelda asked with a grin. "Are you banking on nepotism, young man?"

"Preferential treatment!" Malon gasped.

"Well, what do you guys say when one of you needs a cover?"

"We usually say she is in the bathroom at the moment," Malon replies. "And Frankie can't very well barge in there to make sure we're telling the truth, can he? I mean if he really wanted to, he could just stand outside his office and wait forever. But he can't do that because if he did he wouldn't be able to be checking his email, seeing if anyone left him a comment on his Myspace."

"Oh, and we make sure the girl covering for her ducks down or something," Ruto added. "That's key."

"While I seriously doubt my old man has a Myspace, you could still just tell him I'm in the bathroom, couldn't you?" Roy pleaded. "It's really my skin on the line, not yours, you know."

"Not true," Zelda countered. "How would we look if we lied for you? You should know as well as we do that your dad would flip if he found out we were being dishonest. He runs a tight, clean, trustworthy ship, he does. Just like an old Hollywood Canteen."

"Minus Bette Davis—we think she's a tad creepy," Malon whispered to him.

"Please, you guys, just one hour. I'd give you my pay for it!"

"Well duh, that goes without saying," Malon snorted. "What's so important to you anyway, that you've got to get out at noon?"

"One of my favorite bands is playing at a bar downtown—"

"At _noon_?" Leah interjected, raising an eyebrow.

"Nooo," Roy said patiently, "the concert's not even this month. But that's when tickets go on sale, and you don't understand—I _need_ to get tickets for this show. I gotta be first on line."

"Who's playing?" Ruto asked curiously.

"No Cake for Katy."

"Who?" Zelda, Ruto, and Malon asked in monotone.

"No Cake for Katy?! I _love_ them!" Leah gasped. "Leigh Harnett on vocals and piano, Ellie Shelbin on lead guitar, Emily Wilson on bass, and Kimberly Quinn on drums! Oh my gosh!! I had no idea they were going to be in town—man, I'm behind. Oh geez, I wish I had the money for a ticket!! How much do you think they're selling for??"

"Um, I don't know," Roy said, looking slightly startled by the loudness and excitement of her response. "But I've been saving up for months in case they played anywhere near I was staying. So will someone cover for me?"

"All right, I will," Malon agreed.

He looked like he might have kissed her. "Thank you SO much, Malon, really! I owe you one!! Ah, yes. Yes!" Roy ducked under the counter to the side the girls were standing on and hugged her so hard he lifted her off the ground.

"OW! Vital—organs—being—crushed!" she wheezed before finally being let down. He did so, and trying not to look too flushed, she said, "and if you want to start repaying me, you can take this tray over to table six and apologize for it being cold."

He dashed off with the tray, and Zelda giggled, punching Malon's arm. "Look at you, dude! You're blushing as dark as your hair!"

"Oh, sometimes I hate being a redhead!" Malon groaned, smacking her face with a menu repeatedly.

"I don't think hitting yourself with that is going to make the blush go away," Leah remarked, taking the menu out of her co-worker's hands. At the tinkling bell of the entrance going off, she looked up. "Whoa, you guys, check it out. This has got to be just about as young as they come..."

Sure enough, Young Link had just raced into the diner, and leapt up onto one of the stools at the bar. "Hiya, ladies!"

"Hi!" they all gushed.

"Did you come here by yourself?" Malon asked him.

He took off his hat and started to fan himself with it. "Naw, I'm with my uncle. But I raced him here. He didn't really know we were having a race, though; I just started running and I think he got it." Young Link twisted around in his seat to look out at the street. "I don't see him anywhere..."

"Hmm, maybe one of us should go out there and see if there's any old guy passed out on the sidewalk," Zelda muttered to the others.

"My uncle's not old!" Young Link said sharply, narrowing his eyes and leaning forward. "He's probably younger than you guys."

Just then, Link came wheezing into the diner, clutching a stitch in his side. Wiping sweat from his brow (ew), he walked slowly towards the bar still, apparently, fighting for air. Collapsing into the stool next to his young comrade, he gasped between breaths, "I haven't had to run that fast in a while! I can—I can breathe out, but I can't breathe in! –don't run off like that anymore, little dude."

"Link, this is your nephew?" Zelda asked, perking up.

"Oh, yeah," Link said, still panting. "Zelda, Malon... Ruto, Leah, meet my nephew, Young Link."

"He's named after you?" Malon asked.

"Um, well, I guess," Link answered.

"_AWWWW!!!_" they simultaneously giggled. "That's SO cute!"

"Why's it cute?" Young Link asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Don't ask," Link told him. "They're girls. Their brains are wired very differently from ours and it's really a miracle we can ever understand each other at all."

"Girls are weird," Young Link said.

"And gross!" Link added, high-fiving the kid.

"Oh, ha, ha," Zelda laughed. "Young Link, you know something really ICKY that girls like to do sometimes?"

"Ew, what?"

With a half-smile, Zelda leaned across the counter and planted a little, G-rated kiss on Link's mouth.

"OH, GROSS!" Young Link exclaimed loudly enough that if the other patrons of the diner weren't all nearly deaf it would have caused them to turn and stare. Link chuckled a little as Zelda whisked a tray off to a table, and Young Link flicked him on the arm. "You let her _kiss_ you!"

"Wait… Link…" Malon said slowly. "Was that the first time she ever—"

"No," he cut her off.

A sharky smile crept onto her face. "_Kink_y!"

"Not kinky."

"Oh. Well geez, she didn't even give me enough time for a cat-call. Some friend."

A moment later, Frankie came bursting out of his office door. "Malon! Did I just hear someone yell 'oh gross' at the top of their lungs in MY diner?"

"I _don't_ think so," Malon answered. "Yeah. Doesn't ring a bell. But if they did, I'd be sure to soundly rebuke them for causing a disruption of the peace, Sir. All's good out here. You can go back to pimping your MySpace."

"What-ing my what-space?" he asked, raising an eyebrow as Roy nearly died in convulsions of silent laughter behind him.

"Don't confuse him, Mal," Ruto said. "MySpace is so old hat. He probably has a Facebook by now."

"Ooh, cool, you can friend me!" Leah giggled.

"Young people are so messed up," Frankie muttered under his breath, retreating back into his mysterious office. They all had a jolly good laugh at this, including Young Link (who didn't exactly know what was so funny about it) before he pulled out a Green Lantern comic Link had lent him and started reading it.

"Oh, that's so cute," Zelda said. "He's reading a comic book."

"And that's cute…why?" Link asked.

"I dunno, I just think kids are so adorable!" Zelda laughed pleasantly. "Hey, Young Link, do you want some Chocolate Milk or something?"

"Yeah, sure, thanks," he replied.

As Zelda bustled off to go get some, Link thought to himself, _you would make such a good mother_. He'd almost said it out loud, but quickly stopped himself because he knew how incredibly awkward and weird that would sound.

"So, how long is he staying with you?" Zelda asked him, returning with a carton of chocolate milk.

"Uh—just 'til the end of the week," he answered, shooting Young Link a glance as if hoping he would back this up (naturally, he didn't, because he was too absorbed in his reading material).

"Hey, wait," Zelda said, frowning slowly. "Didn't you say you had an old friend visiting you this week?"

"Who—I did?" _Oh, crap, she means Ilia_. "Oh! Oh, well, yeah. I do."

"Are you still going to be able to see him, if your nephew's staying with you?" she asked. "Because if you want, I could take him off your hands for a while so he wouldn't be, like, hindering you."

_Oh Goddesses, why did she have to be so perfect_. "Uh, thanks, Zel. If… that's an issue that ever comes up, I'll let you know, thanks a lot."

"You're welcome!" she said brightly. "Oh, by the way, I did what you said and watched _Sunset Boulevard_ last night."

"Yeah? Did you like it?"

"Don't get me started on that movie!" Malon snarled all of a sudden, completely blocking Zelda from answering.

"Yes, please don't," Ruto quietly begged.

"Why? Have you got some kind of beef with Gloria Swanson?" Link asked her amusedly, over the sound of Young Link loudly surping chocolate milk. "I would have thought a film aficionado like yourself would be rather fond of her. And that movie."

"I am, that's the point!" Malon shouted. "It's the whole 1950s Academy Award thing I can't deal with."

"Ah," Link said wisely.

"I mean, come on! Two of the most iconic screen performance of all time are given that year, and they both loose!" the red-head bellowed. "To a new-comer, no less! What a disgrace! Bette Davis _and_ Gloria Swanson, both losing to that stupid Judy Holliday, I can't believe it!" She grabbed a wet towel Leah had thrown at her in an effort to shut her up.

"Who's Bette Davis?" Leah asked.

Malon stared at her for a full minute. "You're kidding, right?"

"Yeah," Leah laughed. "Relax." Malon bent over to wipe something off with the napkin, and Leah mouthed over her head to Link, "Who's Bette Davis?"

"You're right, Malon," Link said with a grin. "I bet Judy Holliday was the least deserving out all of those people! Who were the other two? There was Anne Baxter, right? For _All About Eve_ as well? Why can't I remember the fifth?"

"I do, it was Eleanor Parker," Malon answered, straightening up. She threw the towel back to Leah. "For _Caged_. Oh Goddesses, she was amazing in that movie. It was weird, but I kept wanting to run my hand through her hair every time I saw it."

"Why…?" Zelda asked slowly, raising an eyebrow.

"It was so flowy, and beautiful!" Malon answered, immediately going into fan mode. "The one and only time I have ever wanted to run my hand through a chick's hair, and I'm woman enough to admit it."

"How nice for you," Zelda said, taking away Young Link's empty glass.

"It's still a disgrace," Malon muttered to herself. "You know, you should watch that movie with me, Zelda. _Caged_. I think you'd like it. Women's prison in the 1950s, a brief cameo by an Irish person, Agnes Moorehead, and a possibly lesbian matron."

"Well then, sign me up!" Zelda said, rolling her eyes. "I think I'll pass."

"You really ought to see it, Zelda," Link said.

"Oh, okay," she said brightly, mostly to spite Malon.

"You know, you really shouldn't care all that much about who or what the Academy gives Awards to," Young Link piped up, putting down his comic to address Malon properly. "They're always giving them to the wrong people or movies."

"Wow," Malon said with a little smile. "That's interesting that you think that, Young Link… how old are you?"

"Seven," he replied, puffing out his chest slightly. "Going on eight. Anyway, the Academy never even bothers to give awards to good stuff. It doesn't mean anything if they don't even care about the best movies, like _How to Eat Fried Worms_ or the Pokémon series."

They all laughed. "You're absolutely right, my lad," Malon chuckled.

A few moments later, Saria and Impa came into the diner, the latter looking a tad bit embarrassed because her granddaughter was quasi-dancing and singing along to whatever was playing on her iPod at the moment. "Whoa, there," Zelda greeted them. "Saria, you ought to turn that down a bit, I can hear it."

"Oh, forgive her," Impa said, rolling her eyes and sitting down next to Young Link. "She has a tendancy to lose herself in the music." The staff tried not to laugh. Impa raised an eyebrow at them all. "What is so funny?"

"Come on, is no one going to do this?" Leah asked. When no one said anything, she burst into song: "_The moment you own it, you better never let it go! You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow, this opportunity comes once in a lifetime, YO!_"

"Once chance to blow?!?" Impa gasped. "That sounds vulgar!"

"Yes, well, it's Eminem," Leah told her.

"I dislike that man," Impa sniffed, folding her arms indignantly. "No decency, anymore, with you young people. What happened to the Benny Goodmans? The Peggy Lees? The Andrews Sisters?"

"Well, I think Patty Andrews is still alive, if that makes you feel any better," Malon said.

"I finished," Young Link announced, closing the comic book and handing it to Link. "Are you done eating? Can we go now?"

"Hey, there, let's not be rude," Link said, stalling for time. "Um… where do you want to go?"

"That's your job. Mom says you're supposed to take me where kids like to go around here," Young Link answered.

"Oh, right, of course." He stared at the women behind the counter, desperate for any help. "Places. Where kids like to go. Yeah…"

"Why not just go to Central Park?" Leah suggested. "Wide open spaces, miniature boat renting, clowns, wide open spaces… oh, and Balto. Although I've never actually _seen_ the Balto statute myself. But it has to be there somewhere, I mean why would they have included it in the movie if they didn't—"

"Great idea, thanks," Link cut her off. "How about it, Young Link?"

"Okay, whatever," the boy answered amiably.

"I'll call you later," Link said to Zelda before being dragged out of the diner by his young companion.

"That little boy is so cute," Malon said. "And you know what? I can really see the family resemblance. I mean, he's like a younger version of Link. Ha, ha! Hence the name, I guess, right?"

"Right," Zelda said slowly, clearing away Link's dishes. "Hey, you know what I just realized? You're covering for Roy later."

"Yes, we did establish that… some time ago," Malon replied.

Zelda smiled wickedly. "Make him pay you back." When Malon just stared blankly at her, she continued, "You know! If he says again he doesn't know how he can possibly pay you back, you could suggest he takes you out to dinner…. oh, come on, Malon! I'm being obvious, here!"

"No, I know," Malon said, who had still looked blank as Zelda had talked to her. "It's just that I'm a little nervous about doing that."

"Oh, please. You'll be fine."

"Well what if he _doesn't_ ask again?"

"Then he's a jerk. Come on, he'll ask again. And if he really doesn't, you can bring it up yourself. Be like, 'hey, I thought of a way you could pay me back…' You know, all mysterious and foxy like that."

"Foxy, yeah. Sure thing."

Later that night…..

Zelda was sitting on her couch with Leah, watching _Caged_.

"I feel dirty," Leah said, watching one of the female inmates getting beaten. "This movie is a tad raunchy for the 1950s."

"Yeah, I know what you mean," Zelda said. She jumped. "Ooh! Sorry, that's my phone. Vibrating, you know… heh heh… a-hem. Oh, it's Malon." She picked it up. "Hey, Mal, what's happening?"

"You won't believe where I am!" Malon said without even so much as a preliminary hello. Before she let Zelda guess, she burst out, "Roy took me to Chez Pierre! For dinner! Oh my gosh!"

"What! No way!" Zelda said, grinning and folding her legs under her to get into a more comfortable position. "That place is soooo fancy! And like, French!"

"I know, isn't that romantic?" Malon gushed. "The problem is, I have no idea what I'm eating. Like, Roy just ordered some escargot. Fancy sounding, huh?"

"Um…yeah," Zelda said, not exactly waiting to say what escargot was. "Roy isn't sitting there right now, is he?"

"Of course not, he went to the bathroom. Do you think I'm completely tactless? Wait, where are you? It sounds like there's a fight going on."

"Oh, well, you'll be pleased," Zelda snorted. "Leah's over, and we thought you did such a swell job of selling it today that we decided to watch _Caged_."

"What do you think of it?"

"It's uh, interesting… I'd pause it, but I can't find the remote and we're too lazy to go up to the VCR and stop it th—_AHHHHHHH!_"

"WHAT?" Malon cried.

"Her _hair!_" Zelda whimpered. "Eleanor Parker's _beautiful _hair! They're… she's… the matron—"

"Be strong, Zelda, be strong," Malon encouraged her. "I know it's hard to watch."

"How could they do that?" Zelda squeaked, grabbing onto Leah's trembling arm. "Oh my gosh. Well, I know what you mean about that hair, though. I kind of wanted to run my hand through it, too."

"I'd definitely go gay for that hair," Leah added. "Of course, it won't really do Eleanor that much good now that it's on the—"

"Oh, Roy's coming back, I'll call you tomorrow," Malon said in a hushed voice. "See you!"

"Bye!"

Elsewhere, that same evening….

Link walked up to the Sunset hotel with Young Link skipping along in his stead. Before he could even exit the revolving doors, the boy squirmed past him and made a beeline for his mother. With a little laugh, Ilia picked him up and whispered some motherly thing in his ear. Link couldn't help but smile at the scene.

"So," Ilia said, after having sent Young Link up to the room. "Was he a terror, or did you manage?"

"Yeah, not bad," Link answered. "We had a bit of a run-in with a clown at Central Park involving spilled ice cream and a popped balloon, but… other than that, it was a pretty good day."

"Oh, I'm so glad," Ilia sighed. "I'd have felt so guilty if he'd been too much trouble for you. I know he can be a bit of a handful sometimes, I don't know where he gets it! Can't be from me, ha, ha…"

"Mm-hm," Link chuckled. "Speaking of which, how did your talk with—"

"You know, I better make sure he could find his way to the room all right," Ilia interrupted him quietly, picking up her bag. "I need to get him to bed, too." She half-smiled. "I'll go ask what he thinks of you."

_I guess she just doesn't want to talk about it today_. _Well, fine, I can wait_. "All right, you do that. Same time tomorrow?"

"Would ten be all right?"

"Ten's fine. I'll see you later, Ilia."

"Bye, and… thanks again. Really."

"No problem." As he left the hotel he turned his cell phone on, and with a tiny pang of guilt saw that Zelda had tried to call him twice. She hadn't left any messages, though, and with a sigh, Link thought _I am …such a jerk_.


	18. Cat out of the Bag

**A/N**: I didn't realize this had been going on so long! I'm cutting it off in twenty chapters or less. So don't worry, it's practically over.

Two days Later…

"Hmmm… deoxyribonucleic acid?"

"Selenium hexafluoride- bromine?"

"What?"

"It's a chemical. I added the bromine part to make it sound longer."

Zelda sighed. "Okay, this clearly isn't working. The only word that's coming to mind now is osteoporosis, and that's not even close."

"It's really not."

"Do I _want_ to know what you guys are doing?" Roy asked Malon and Zelda, returning some used plates.

"We're trying to think of words longer than supercalifragilisticexpialidocious," Zelda explained very matter-of-factly. "But we're having absolutely no luck."

"What? That's not a word," Roy laughed.

"Um, yes it is," Malon said. "See, it's the biggest word you've ever heard. As proven by Zelda and I, because we've been thinking for about ten minutes and haven't come up with anything." He continued to stare blankly. "Oh, you know. It's the word you use when you have nothing else to s—oh come ON, you are NOT telling me that you've never seen _Mary Poppins_."

"Actually, I haven't," Roy said. "Never did."

"You are kidding," Malon gasped. "What about _the Wizard of Oz_?_ The Sound of Music_? Mary Martin's version of _Peter Pan_?"

"I think I may have seen a little of _Old Yeller_," Roy said.

"Oh my gosh, you have had a deprived childhood," Zelda said with perfect timing as Frankie had chosen this moment to step outside his office.

"What do you mean my son's had a depraved childhood?" he snarled.

"Beg your pardon, sir," Zelda said. "But you befuddle me. What with your setting up a diner whose whole purpose in life is to laud the films of old—you haven't even shown your son the classics!"

Malon nodded her head in agreement. "What's this about Roy never seeing _Mary Poppins, the Sound of Music, _or _the Wizard of Oz_?"

"They're all overrated," Frankie snorted, waving a dismissive hand. "Besides, _the Sound of Music_ is about Nazis and I hate Nazis. And _the Wizard of Oz_ always made Mordecai cry, so I decided to throw out our copy. Now stop gabbing about my son's life and get back to work, you bunch of meddling kids."

"Aye, aye, captain!" Malon said, saluting him as he grumbled and stalked back into his office. "Don't worry, Roy. We'll make sure you see them."

"I don't know if I want to see a movie made by a Neo-Nazi," he said.

"_The Sound of Music_ was not made by a Neo Nazi," Zelda sighed. "And it's anti-Nazi, really. We swear. But I'm surprised your brother cried at _the Wizard of Oz_. I didn't think it was the crying sort of movie."

"Maybe it was 'Somewhere Over the Rainbow' that got him," Malon suggested. "I daresay it's a tear-jerker."

"What do you know about tear-jerking movies? You never cry at them," Zelda scoffed. "You're only a book crier."

"That is true," Malon conceded. "And even then, I've only ever cried at three."

"Seriously? My goodness, there must be problems with your tear ducts," Zelda said. "The sixth Harry Potter was one, right? And wasn't the other Where the Red Fern Grows? About the dogs?"

"Dogs? Was _Old Yeller_ based on that?" Roy asked.

"No, _Old Yeller_ was based on Old Yeller," Zelda answered. "Oh, I remember what the third book was. It was the only book that ever made me cry, too."

"Bridge to Terabithia," she and Malon said simultaneously.

"Oh my GOSH, I cried SO hard," Malon whimpered.

"_You _did, I was a mess!" Zelda half-laughed. "Poor Leslie… I wanted a friend like her so bad. She was so amazingly awesome."

"Oh that? I didn't think there was anything particularly special about that book," Roy said casually. A few moments later he looked up from the order he was copying out to see Zelda and Malon glaring icily at him. "What? Maybe it's a girl thing."

"It is not a 'girl' thing," Zelda hissed. "It's a _human_ thing. You obviously have no soul if it didn't make you cry."

"Says the person who shouted 'finally' at the end of _Love Story_," Malon couldn't help pointing out.

"Okay, that was different. The writing sucked."

"Hi, guys," Ruto said, coming in through the back door with Leah. "Boy, have I had a weird morning. I got stalked by an old man from my bus stop. And I have reason to believe he is blind and deaf."

"And… you think he was stalking you?" Malon asked skeptically, raising an eyebrow and chuckling.

"Don't listen to her, she's paranoid," Leah said, rolling her eyes. "Oh, Roy! I forgot to ask you—did you get the tickets for the No Cake for Katy concert??"

"Um, no, I didn't," he said, ducking down to pick up a new box of straws. "The, uh, booth closed before I'd barely advanced in line. I'm going to try again today after my shift. Which is what, less than ten minutes? I really want those tickets!"

"Ugh, I'm so jealous," Leah snorted, washing her hands. "Take lots of pictures for me. I wish I had enough money to go. I couldn't even save up, because I didn't know about the freaking concert in the first place!"

"You don't think you make enough money?" Zelda asked piteously.

"Hello, I work _here_," Leah pointed out.

"Oh yeah."

"But don't you also work shifts at CVS?" Malon queried.

"HEY!" some old dude suddenly yelled, grabbing Malon's shoulder and twisting her around. "We've been waving and shouting for you people for five full minutes! Honestly! If your work ethic doesn't improve, we're going to go straight to your boss and tell him to fire the lot of you!"

"You couldn't do that!" Malon said as the old guy dragged her to his table by the ear. "Then there'd be no one left! And you wouldn't be able to come here anymore!"

"Doreen," the guy said to presumably his wife as he sat back down. "Those hoodlums over there have been chatting about absolutely nothing of consequence while we sat here nearly starv—"

"Honey, has anyone ever told you that you look like Deborah Kerr?" Doreen asked, apparently oblivious to whatever her husband was going on about.

"Why, no!" Malon said pleasantly, though fully aware she bore no resemblance whatsoever to the actress. "That's so nice of you to say, though. Deborah Kerr is a great one at that!"

Roy patted her on the shoulder as he walked out. "Well, shift's over. I'll see you later, Malon."

"I think you mean _Deborah!_" the old woman giggled, winking at Malon.

"Um… okay. Bye."

"Wow, Mal can really chew the fat with those oldies," Ruto observed as Malon chatted up the old woman before taking her order. "Must come in handy. I'm sure that's why she hasn't lost her job by now."

"That reminds me," Zelda said, turning to Leah. "I rented _Scaramouche_ so we can drool over Eleanor Parker again. Are you free tonight?"

"Sorry, no," Leah said. "I've got SAT prep."

"Wait a second, SAT prep?" Ruto said. "I thought you dropped out of school."

"I did. But I'd already been signed up for the class, so I figured I may as well go in case I ever decide to take the stupid test," she said casually. "I went to the one last week for math, tonight's English." She pulled a folded sheet out from one of her pockets. "Maybe you guys could help me with my homework. A-hem: 'the radius of a unicycle wheel is one (1) foot. When the unicycle travels continuously in one direction for 500 feet, the wheel makes v revolutions. Of the following, which is the best approximation of v? 80; 160; 310; 3,140; or 6,280?'"

Ruto and Zelda stared with their mouths slightly open.

"Yeah, you're right, too easy," Leah said. "Here's another one. Haha, you know the only good thing about these tests are how they try to be politically-correct. Here's a good example: 'Hakim and Chris began running a 50-yard race at the same time. When Hakim finished the race, Chris was 4 yards behind him. If Hakim ran the race in 7 seconds, what was the difference in their rates in yards per second for those 7 seconds?'"

"Okay, what're the choices?" Ruto asked, having responsibly scribbled down the problem on a napkin.

"There are none. You have to come up with an answer yourself."

"What? That sucks!" Zelda moaned. "And I can't solve the problem. I'm too distracted by the name Hakim."

"Wait, wait, I'm doing it," Ruto said, working it out slowly. "Wait, who won the race, again?"

"Hakim, but I don't think that's relevant," Zelda said, looking at the napkin over Ruto's shoulder.

"Hee, hee, I am so good," Malon said, skipping over to put in the order of the woman she'd just spent like, ten minutes talking to. "Could someone take this to the kitchen, please?"

"Ugh, anything to get away from that," Zelda said, taking the order and pointing disgustedly at Ruto's napkin.

"What, did someone throw up in it or something?" Malon asked, walking over to look. "EW, math?!? That's even WORSE!"

"I need another napkin," Ruto said, reaching out while still looking down and groping around for one. "Man, this is ridiculous."

"You know, if you actually had to take the test," Leah said, putting the paper back in her pocket, "you should have finished about five of those problems by now."

"How many feet are in a yard?" Ruto asked.

"I don't think that was relevant to the problem," Leah said. "It was all in yards, wasn't it? I mean, no conversion necessary?"

"There are three feet in a yard," came an unfamiliar voice.

The four of them looked up to see Young Link and his mother sitting a few feet down at the bar. "Sorry," Ilia laughed. "I couldn't help overhearing, and math has always been an interest of mine."

"You have strange passions, if you don't mind my saying so," Leah said, handing them some menus. "Hey, are you Link's sister?"

"Whyyy, yes," she said after recovering from the unexpected question. "How did you know? I didn't think we looked alike…"

"Oh, well, you don't," Leah said. "Not really. But _this_ little guy was in our fine establishment not two days ago! … or _was_ it two days ago? Ah, whatever. I lose track of time easily."

"They came yesterday, too," Malon said. "In fact, your brother is a frequent customer of our diner."

"Well duh, his girlfriend works here," Young Link sighed, saying the word 'girlfriend' as if it was a swear word.

"You didn't mention that, sweetie," Ilia said in a slightly choked voice.

"I didn't? Oh. Sorry."

To her horror, Ilia discovered a lump forming in her throat. She had zoned out; in the background she could hear the waitresses saying things to her like "probably wants to check her out", "see if she's good enough for her brother," "Zellie's a swell gal." That meant that none of them—the attractive red-head, the young raven-heard beauty, the girl who somewhat resembled a fish—was Zelda. That meant she had time to escape before a potentially (and likely) awkward confrontation.

"Honey," she said to Young Link. "I just r-remembered that I have to… I have something I have to go do. I don't really think we have time t—"

The kitchen door banged open to reveal Zelda in all her waitress glory. "Order UP! We've got Frankie's omelet special here, light on the onions, no cheese, and plenty of avocado, with anchovies on the side!"

Ilia watched dumbly as Zelda sauntered over to Malon with the tray. "Thanks, pal," Malon said, taking it from her. "For the record, we gave up on the math problem."

"Eh, it was inevitable," Zelda sighed. "Poor Hakim and Chris. I guess we never _will _figure out the difference in their rates in yards per second. I think I'll manage to get over it, though." She idly began to straighten a stack of menus, and then realized one of the patrons of the bar was unashamedly staring at her. Ilia's brow was furrowed, her mouth hung slightly open as her eyes roved over Zelda's every tantalizing feature. It was one of those times were she felt incredibly ugly.

"If you ask me, it looks like Link's sister is having an us-with-Eleanor-Parker experience," Leah muttered to Malon, delivering an order to the table next to her.

"Oh, Young Link, hi!" Zelda said, noticing the wee lad for the first time. "Good to see you again!"

"Hi, Zelda!" he chirped. "Could I have a chocolate milk?"

"Sure thing, sweet-cakes," Zelda answered, wondering how many other grossly cute terms she could use to describe his gross cuteness. "And this one'll be on the house." Feeling a little weird, she finally turned her gaze on Ilia. "Are you Link's sister, then?"

"Yeah, I am, my name's Ilia," she replied with a fake but convincing smile. She awkwardly shook the current girlfriend's hand, saying, "So you're the famous Zelda. Link's told me about you…"

"He has?" she laughed, blushing slightly.

_Of course. Perfect, tinkling little laugh. A blush that looks almost natural. Wavy blonde hair. Elizabeth Taylor-colored eyes. I bet her legs go on for miles_. "Oh, yes!" she said without any unnaturally long pauses.

"Er, nothing bad, I hope?" Zelda pressed her, thinking Ilia had broken off the topic rather awkwardly (and unsatisfactorily).

_Geez, does she need to rub it in?_ _Of course she _knows_ he'd never say anything bad about her!! _"Of course nothing bad!" Ilia laughed. "He was telling me how—how much he really likes you." She was suddenly seized with a desire to be as catty as an ex-girlfriend in the movies; to make some comment about how Zelda obviously stood out among "all of Link's other girlfriends" or something to scare her off. But the desire soon faded, leaving Ilia with her conscience in tact. Well, sort of . _I mean I __**am**__ lying about being Link's sister …but that's all for Zelda's own good… maybe_. All this thinking led to a long, awkward silence, during which Zelda decided to go get Young Link's drink so she could be doing something.

"So, how long are you in town for?" Malon asked.

"Oh, just to the end of this week," Ilia answered quickly, glad to have a subject change. "Maybe earlier, if I can get away faster."

"Are you here on business, then?"

"Um—well, kind of. Anxious to get my…things in order, anyway, so we can get ourselves out as soon as possible. You see, I don't think that Link really wants me here."

"What? Why not?" Zelda asked, coming back with Young Link's drink. "You're his sister, why wouldn't he want you here?"

Ilia snorted. "We don't exactly have a great, er, history. A few years back we had a kind of a… kind of a misunderstanding, you know? We were never really on great terms after that. Hey, could I get some coffee?" she added as an afterthought.

"So did something happen and now you two are getting along better now?" Leah asked, half-concentrating on her math.

"Oh, nothing special, really," Ilia answered, feeling awkward that they were asking what she saw to be such prying questions. "I just finally got up the nerve to call him, and he was nice enough to hear me out. And he's been taking in my kid when I've been too busy to look after him. We may have had our differences, but Link is a real stand-up guy when called upon."

Her tone was starting to sound a little un-sister like, Zelda suspected, and she narrowed her eyes slightly. "Yeah… yeah, he is."

"Okay, that's it, I need help again," Leah sighed, ducking under the counter to sit next to Ilia. "'If a business is owned by Jack, Miguel, Oren, and Juanita, each of whom has an equal share. If Oren sells ½ (half) his share to Juanita, and Miguel keeps 2/3 (two thirds) of his share and sells the rest to Juanita, what fraction of the business will the woman own?'"

"Reading the problem out loud was SO not necessary," Ruto hissed.

"I know, I just wanted to give you a headache," Leah said, as Ilia poured over the problem intensely.

"Here," Zelda said flatly, putting a cup o' joe in front of Ilia. She took a tray out of Ruto's hands and walked over to a table with it. Frowning, Malon followed her.

"Are you okay, Zel?" she asked.

"Did you guys order the Pigs-in-a-Beach-Blanket-Bingo special?" Zelda asked a group of oldies. They nodded and she set it down. "Anyone want refills on their Shirley Temples?" She subsequently picked up four of the glasses, than turned to Malon. Under her breath she said, "I'm a little wary of Ilia, is all."

"What, you mean jealous?" Malon laughed. "Um, she's Link's sister."

"Yeah, or so she says," Zelda snorted, taking her time going back to the counter.

"Zel, come on," Malon said, serious-ing up. "Link said so, too. He has no reason to lie to you."

"I guess that's right…" Zelda looked up and saw Young Link slurping the last of his chocolate milk through a straw.

"…and so, the answer is B, eleven/twenty-fourths," Ilia said, drawing a square around the answer and sliding the paper back to Leah.

"Wow, you're amazing!" Leah gasped. "I would never have figured that out. Oh geez, I'm so going to fail the SATs!"

"What do you care?" Zelda snapped. "It's not like you're ever going to go to college, so it doesn't matter!"

"Hey, cool it, what's the matter with you?" Leah asked, slightly hurt.

"Ilia, how long ago exactly would you say that you and Link had that little spat which separated you for so long?" Zelda asked sharply.

"Um—I don't know, maybe seven years," Ilia replied, a little taken aback at Zelda's sudden change in attitude.

"Young Link, how old are you?" she asked next, turning to the boy.

"I'll be seven soon," he scowled, as if the thought of still being only six years old was incredibly annoying to him.

The next question Zelda had planned to ask was why exactly Ilia had decided to name her son after a brother she was fighting with, but the opportunity did not arise. For at that moment, Link himself came strolling into the diner. His smile faltered somewhat at the sight of his ex and current girlfriend both staring at him.

"Hi, Link!" his "nephew" said brightly, unaware of the tension around him.

"H-hey," he said slowly, tentatively taking a seat next to Ilia. "What're you guys doing here?"

"Young Link brought me," Ilia said quickly. "He really liked the place after you kept bringing him. Don't suppose I can blame either of you; the service here is oh so nice." She gave Zelda a covert, withering glance across the counter as she said it.

Link didn't appear to have noticed; he was too busy trying to interpret the look on Zelda's face. "Sorry I wasn't here to introduce you properly," he stammered. "I didn't know that—I mean I wasn't expecting you to be here, sis."

"That's evident," Zelda said pleasantly.

"Mom, can we go? I'm bored now," Young Link groaned in exemplary short attention span.

"Sure, let's go," Ilia said. "I'll see you later, Link. Good luck on the SATs," she added to Leah before gathering up her stuff and exiting the place.

"So, you're taking the SATs, huh?" Link asked in an effort to change the subject. "Man, I don't envy you!"

"I'd worry if you did," Leah said in something of a monotone. She hastily untied her apron and picked up her bag. "If Frankie wants to know why I took off a little early, tell him it was for school stuff. Zel, maybe I can stop by later to watch that movie with you. I'll take some screencaps and then I'll blow 'em up so I can put Eleanor Parker right between Scott Patterson and Orlando Bloom."

"Okay, I'll cover for you," Zelda sighed, slowly taking Ilia's half-empty coffee cup and cleaning it. "See you."

"Sorry I have to leave early," Leah apologized. "But last week I was missed the bus and was late, so … you know…"

"Better hurry, then."

"Yes, but watch out not to run over anybody!" Link called after her, remembering the circumstances of their first meeting.

"Sure thing, Link."

"I thought you said she'd dropped out of school?" Link remarked once Leah had left. "Or… why is she taking the SATs?"

"Link, why did you and your sister have a fight seven years ago?" Zelda asked quietly, not quite yet betraying her confusion.

He sighed deeply and shifted in his seat to stall for time. "We… um … we had a, uh, disagreement about …" _Oh, crap. Way too many pauses_. "About a guy she was seeing. I didn't like him."

"Oh. I see," she said. It was her turn to heave a sigh. "Could you do me a favor?"

"Yeah, anything."

"Go."

"What?"

"Leave, please. You can come back tomorrow, I just want to think about some things tonight," she elaborated. She didn't look at him, because she knew if she did, she would probably see he could tell his lie was falling apart in front of him, and that would be too much. Zelda was still not completely sure if she _did_ think it was a lie, but if he stayed in the diner much longer she would be too confused.

"Can I… can I call you later?" he asked, slowly getting off his seat.

"Mm-hm." _I just won't pick up the phone_.

Only a few minutes after the door had swung shut behind him, an even less welcome person walked through it. "Mikau!" Zelda gasped.

"Hey, Zel," he sighed. "Could I get some coffee to go, please? I wouldn't have come here, but I'm on a five minute break and you guys are the closest place."

"Okay," Zelda said wearily, too disoriented to argue.

"Well, well, well, how nice of you to drop by!" Malon said upon seeing their new guest. He winced. "Come on, aren't you glad to see me, old chum?"

"Hi, Malon."

"Boy, you just missed a swell show," she said. "Link and his math-dork sister were just here. Too bad you didn't see them."

Mikau raised his head off the counter. "Wait, what? Link doesn't have a sister."

"What're you talking about, she was just here," Malon said, her eyebrows knitting together. She was aware that she was speaking mostly out of denial and that the sentence had just involuntarily come out of her, wanting to protect her best friend. This did not bode well.

"Malon, I've known Link almost my entire life," Mikau said seriously. "I think I would know if he had a sister or not." When Malon continued to look at him like he was crazy, he felt pressed to add, "you can't think I would lie to you about this. What possible provocation would I have to do that?"

_That __**is**__ true_, Malon couldn't help thinking to herself. She jumped when Zelda shunted her aside to give Mikau his coffee. Just seeing her expression told Malon that, most unfortunately, Zelda had overheard the conversation.

Zelda strode over to Frankie's closed door and knocked hard on it. "Frankie? I'm going to take off now."

"There's a half hour left in your shift," he said through the door.

"I got my hand caught in the bread slicer."

"Which one?"

"The red one."

"No, I mean which hand?"

"My right."

A loud grunty sigh came from behind inside the office. "I suppose you'd be needing that one, then. All right, you can go. But I expect you back here tomorrow."

"Yes, sir." With tears in her eyes, Zelda pushed past her co-workers and made a beeline for the entrance. Once she left, Malon shook her head sadly and muttered under her breath, "me and my big mouth."

"HEY!" an old person yelled. "That blonde girl never came back with our Shirley Temples!! Got refill?!? Not me!"

"Oh put a sock in it, you geezers!" Malon shouted.

::Later::

It was ten o'clock, and Zelda was sitting alone in her apartment on her couch. She had expected Leah to drop by at least an hour and a half ago, but the girl was a no-show. Seconds later, however, her name showed up on Zelda's cell phone.

"Leah?"

"Hi, Zel, sorry I'm calling late," Leah panted. "I'm only just walking home now. My prep class was supposed to end like, an hour and a half ago, but … well, let's just say I got a bit of a shock out of who my teacher ended up being."

"Alan Rickman?" Zelda guessed.

"I wish. No, do you remember a while ago my English teacher from school came into the diner and I hid behind the counter on the floor until she left?"

"No way."

"Way. Well, anyway, she kinda held me after class because she wanted to 'talk.' I would never have gone if I knew she'd be there, but the name of the class was Zucker and _Burgess_, which I guess must be her married name. But anyhow, we just ended up talking for like, a really long time. Obviously, ha, ha. Turns out she had some helpful things to say. And so … well, I think I'm going to go back to school."

"Wow, really? That's great," Zelda said with as much enthusiasm as she could dredge up at the moment.

"I guess this means I'll have to switch up my shifts at Frankie's," she remarked. "I can't quit, I like working there too much! Tomorrow I'll sort it out with Frankie, but then I have to cut to school to have a meeting with the principal. Think you could hold out on the Eleanor Parker movie for me?"

"Sure thing…"

"Zel, are you okay? You sound a little down about something…"

"Just ask Malon, I don't really want to talk about it," Zelda sighed. "I'll see you tomorrow, then, I guess. Momentarily, at least."

"Yeah, bye."

She hung up and resumed her channel surfing. Zelda came across a black-and-white movie, which she had come to appreciate more and more ever since she'd started dating Link. "Cary Grant," she muttered aloud to herself. The camera shifted to a close-up on a woman's face. "Ingrid Bergman."

"_This is a very strange love affair_," Ingrid said.

"_Why?_" Cary asked, that characteristic grin on his face.

"_Maybe the fact that you don't love me!_"

Suddenly she realized tears were rolling down her cheeks. She needed to be watching something not depressing. _Sophie's Choice, Saving Private Ryan, CSI _… geez, wasn't there anything happy on? _Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets_ … good one. With a slight pang of sadness, she remembered that she and Link had gone to a Harry Potter movie on their first date. Back to the black-and-white.

Her cell phone rang again. It was Link; the sixth time he had called. She snorted and tossed the phone off the couch and trying to wipe her tears off her face. Then her land phone started to ring and she automatically muted the TV, waiting to hear the message Link would undoubtedly leave. She rolled her eyes at her machine:

"Hi, you've reached Zelda, obviously—wait! Don't hang up! I'm probably in the bathroom trying desperately to get to the phone—hold on! Wait just a second, I'm coming, I'm coming! The toilet's flushing as we speak! I'm coming, Waaaaiiit—"

Beep.

"Um, hey, Zelda, it's Link," he said in a meek voice, though it sounded as if he had just finished laughing (most likely at her answering machine). "I just… I really need to talk to you about this. Obviously I didn't go about things the right way and I just—please, if you're there, pick up? I've been trying to reach you for hours. We can't let this end like this, Zel. Call me back; no time tonight is too late." Click.

But she had barely been listening, she was too disconcerted with the fact that she was still crying. She couldn't remember the last time she had cried, _really_ cried like this, sobbing and choking in real life. Movies and Bridge to Terabithia sometimes, sure, but not for real. Zelda ended up crying herself to sleep, leaving Cary and Ingrid and all their problems on before her.

"_Dry your eyes, baby…it's out of character_."

**A/N**: well, that's all for now. Review if you feel like it, please.


	19. Faster Pussycat, Kiss! Kiss!

**A/N**: I'll be out of town for a little under two weeks, so I thought I'd try and make this chapter a bit longer than usual to hold you until then. The next will be the last.

The night was riddled with nightmares; Zelda drifted in and out of deep sleep. One of the first dreams she could recall she was not even in: Link was riding on a horse across a wide field, trying to keep a cart from catching fire. Weird goons circled the cart, striking it with flamed arrows, and whoever was driving the cart had to be drunk because he or she kept making terribly random diversions off the road. Eventually Zelda noticed a large, ugly bird which was being driven by Malon, who was periodically dropping bombs in front of the cart's path. After quite a while, Link killed the bird and, by extension, Malon. Horrible though this may sound coming from an alleged best friend, that wasn't even the worst part for the dreamer.

Once the cart had reached safety, the driver stepped out and she appeared to be an older, slightly chubby woman who was hitting on Link. But then she left him for some dude who may have been Native American; at any rate, the strangely mute Link stepped into the back of the carriage—and there sat Ilia, a.k.a. evil incarnate. She took Link's hand in both her own, and smiled at him.

"That was really brave of you, Link, to come rescue us like that," she said a little breathlessly. It was like watching a really bad soap opera, only concerning someone Zelda still pined for, and she couldn't change the channel. And there was no bad acting or commercials. Okay, that was a bad comparison.

Link still didn't say anything, but gave Ilia a cute little smile that made Zelda's heart break just to see. Ilia grinned back. "You love me, don't you, Link? I love you so much, you must know I do."

He remained silent, giving Zelda some hope. But at the same time she wasn't sure, because he was still smiling that loving little smile. The one she'd seen on his face in person so many times before, thinking it was only for her. She was just wondering who else she'd have to share her affection for Link with when some random, gay little kid ran into the cart telling Link how much he wanted to be just like him. Had Zelda been present in the actual dream, she probably would have kicked him. And then thrown Ilia outside of the cart on top of him.

She then awoke, but didn't stay so for very long. In her next nightmare, she wore royal clothing and Link was dressed rather like Taran from _The Chronicles of Prydain_. Was she supposed to be doing something? It felt very awkward, sitting on a throne, looking at a bunch of random strangers where Link was the only one she recognized, sticking out of the crowd like a sore thumb. Out of nowhere, a fat man in armor approached her with a sword held out in both his hands.

"Excuse me, milady," he said under his breath to her, as if trying not to let other people around hear what he was saying. "But this is when you are supposed to be knighting those who have fought in the evil realm."

"Oh. Right!" she said, getting up without the slightest bit of royal grace. As soon as she took the sword, however, it was as if she knew exactly what she was supposed to do. Soldier after soldier came up to her to be knighted, and with each she exchanged a pleasant smile. The line was beginning to thin, and Zelda felt a little excited to see Link getting nearer and nearer. He had just approached her when—

"Link! LINK!"

The Princess turned and Link looked up to see Ilia banging on the glass window above Zelda's throne. She was waving her arms and shouting, "No!!" repeatedly.

When Zelda looked back to Link, he shook her hand and said, "With all due respect, your highness, I don't think I can stay here." He glanced back up at the window. "My heart and my life lies elsewhere." Didn't he care at all that she was tearing up? That she wanted him to stay more than anything? No—with a mere pat on her shoulder and a condescending smile, he was off and gone.

Well, that wasn't very hard to analyze.

Throughout the night she continued to have nightmares where she was ditched, one time after another, for Ilia (and one time for Lauren Graham, but that had been a particularly odd dream having manifested itself for no obvious reason). At 4:30 she resolved not to fall asleep again. She walked into her kitchen and emptied nearly half a bag of chocolate chips into a cup and walked to back to her couch with it. Chocolate would wake her up and if she kept eating it, keep her awake. Now what else… she couldn't help noticing her Netflix envelope which contained _Scaramouche_. She needed a swashbuckler about now.

In a flash, she was on the phone.

"He…llo?" the teenager on the other end of the line said groggily after her phone had rung so many times Zelda was afraid it would go to voicemail.

"Hi Leah, it's me. Zelda."

There was a silence where Zelda got the feeling Leah was looking for a clock. "_Why_ are you calling me at four in the morning…?"

"It's not four, it's half past," Zelda said cheerily. "I don't suppose you ever talked to Malon earlier about my, um…about Link, and I mean, uh…"

"Yeah, I did," Leah said, starting to wake up a little. "She um… yes. I mean you really left me, like, hanging. I basically rang her up right after I finished talking to you last night …. well technically, I guess it wasn't really last night, was it? Oh wait; yes, it was… sorry, I'm still all disoriented. Especially since I started skiving off school, I started to sleep in 'til like, you know, nine or whenever my shift starts." It took her a minute to realize how much she was deviating. "Anyway, Z, I just wanted to let you know that I'm really sorry about this. You deserve better."

"I don't really know how I feel about this yet," "Z" sniffed. "I mean, you know me. Kind of. I can get really paranoid when the slightest shred of evidence comes up to—oh no! I'm Mr. Darcy!"

"What?" Leah yawned.

"You don't know Mr. Darcy?!"

"Well… he was my 8th grade English teacher, but I doubt that's who you're talking about."

"Um… you'd be right about that. He's the guy from _Pride and Prejudice_, you know?! And like, he falls for Lizzie Bennett but she's not in his class and that's this huge big deal but she loves him too so eventually they kind of start pal-ing around, but then he overhears someone talking about Mrs. Bennett's plot to get Jane married to his friend Charles because he's really rich, and Darcy's like to himself, 'so Lizzie, you only are interested in me because of my money…"

Leah checked her clock again, but decided not to interrupt Zelda's ranting. It was best to let her vent. She put her phone down and got up to change her clothes because she had a feeling this call was going to end in a request to meet up. Upon returning to her cell, she was unsurprised to hear Zelda was still going on:

"…so then later she's like to Mr. Collins, you know her cousin that her mom wants her to marry, 'Mr. Darcy is the kind of man who offers you his friendship, and then at the first test of loyalty, withdraws it' or something. Oh no, Leah… I'm so confused. I don't know what to do. Link's never been anything but the best for me, and … I'm being a Darcy, aren't I?"

"Oh, well… I don't…" Leah stammered. She didn't feel like the best person to ask for an opinion about relationships.

"Would you do me a favor? I need a distraction. Could you come over and watch _Scaramouche_ with me?" Zelda whimpered.

"Of course I will," Leah responded warmly. That was something she could and would definitely do.

"And—and could you maybe call Malon and ask her to, as well?"

"Sure thing. We'll be there in a jiff."

They were very prompt. About ten minutes after Zelda had hung up, she answered the door to her two close friends. Both had arrived wearing sympathetic smiles and also holding a disturbing amount of junk food. Zelda welcomed them in then automatically bolted the door behind them. "Thanks for coming, guys…"

"Of course," Leah said. "How could we not?"

"I mean, with the allure of Eleanor Parker, it was like we had no choice," Malon said, trying to make the atmosphere less heavy. "That is one sexy lady, I am telling _you_. Ow OWW!"

"You don't have to tell us," Leah said, taking a bag of Doritos and holding it to her chest as if it was Eleanor Parker. "We _know!_" She opened the bag and offered some chips to Zelda, who chuckled uncertainly and took them. They all congregated on the couch and she asked, "So what's this movie about, anyway?"

"Oh, I don't really know," Zelda sighed. "I just saw Eleanor Parker was in—"

"It contains the longest sword duel on screen known to man," Malon cut her off impressively. "That is, until the third episode of Star Wars came along… stupid space movies," she muttered under her breath.

"Hey, that series is not stupid!" Leah argued, taking great offense at the remark. "Just because it's not as old as—"

"SHHH, the movie's starting," Malon interrupted her.

In an effort to cheer up Zelda, Malon and Leah both started cat-calling when the aforementioned actress showed up on the screen. ("In spite of the hideous bows, that is a gorgeous dress she's wearing." "Not as gorgeous as the person filling it!" etc). Zelda had to smile at them, and she was grateful for their outlandish comments which made the movie even that more entertaining.

"That guy is pretty hot, too," Malon commented, checking the envelope for his name. "Stewart Granger …hm, never heard of him."

Basically thus far in the film, a man named Andre had found his beloved Lenore (the one and only Eleanor Parker) after having been away seven years. They were going to get married, but for reasons pertaining to the French Revolution, the ceremony was most unfortunately postponed. In the scene our trio is currently watching, however, Andre finds himself smitten by another woman. A woman who is not Lenore. Namely, Aline (played by Janet Leigh).

"How can he be in love with her?!" Zelda cried when Andre professed this very feeling to the cultured young lady whose carriage he'd jumped in. "He hasn't even known her for two seconds! This is wrong!"

Leah and Malon exchanged looks that conveyed the utter awkwardness of the situation, but said nothing. It got worse, however, when it was revealed only minutes later that the woman turned out to be a sister Andre had been separated from at birth (for some reason, however, he decides to keep this from her). After stealing glances at Zelda's shocked expression, Malon and Leah were thinking among similar lines: _I can't believe this_. _First off he's unfaithful to his alleged one true love, and __**now**__ he's just fallen for someone who's supposed to be his sister!_ If ever there had been a case of cruel irony, this was most definitely it.

Later on, Andre is disguised as Scaramouche, a kind of clown-ish guy in the same acting troupe as Lenore. He is in said disguise because he is on the run from the French aristocrats, who want him dead for treason. Lenore does not immediately recognize him; their first re-encounter occurs when he is kicked across the stage flat on his stomach and comes to a stop next to Lenore, who has her shapely leg up on a stool to tie a shoe or something ("Do you think he saw up her skirt?" Leah muttered, mocking worry and making Malon stifle a laugh).

Once Lenore realizes who he is, she decides to keep Andre safe from the aristocrats even though he abandoned her. He tries to romance his way back into her good graces, but it won't be easy—causing Zelda to spit, "Oh, sure! Now that you found the other woman is your SISTER, it's back to old Lenore, huh?!" She waited for one of her friends to second this, but both felt to awkward to say anything. So she spoke for them. "'Oh, gee, Lenore, I'm so sorry for hurting you beyond words and ditching you even though I promised I wouldn't and falling in love with another woman,'" she said in a fake masculine voice. "'But it turns out she's my sister, so it's back to you, I _guess_.'" Zelda made a frustrated hissing sound. "And Janet Leigh is not even that hot!"

"You've got your priorities straight, now, Zelda," Malon said. "Looks mean everything." Her friend only grabbed her pillow tighter and cringed. "Hey, Zel," Malon said in a gentler voice. "We can—we can stop this, if you want."

"No, no, it's okay," Zelda squeaked. "Let's keep it going."

"All right…"

They watched the movie silently for a few minutes, and after Andre makes his way into Lenore's carriage, Zelda felt good enough to remark, "You know, Malon, you're right. He is good-looking." He kissed Lenore, and she said, "I really kind of wish I was Eleanor Parker in this scene."

"I don't know, I kind of wish I was Andre," Leah said in a sing-song voice, earning her a laugh and a hit on the head with a pillow by Malon.

"This is what I like about her character," Zelda chuckled when Lenore hit Andre on the head with a frying pan for kissing her and saying something rudely chauvinistic to her afterwards. "I always think she's going to slip into the typical maid of the 1950s movie, forgetting all his past wrongs and be all submissive, but then she'll pull a trick like that and kick his butt."

"Yeah, ha, ha," Malon said uneasily as Andre retorted by also hitting Lenore with a frying pan.

About fifteen minutes later, Zelda had to ask them to pause for a bathroom break. As soon as she was out of earshot, Leah muttered to Malon, "this is ridiculous. I can't believe how almost freakishly similar this is to her life. Minus the tights and swords."

"I know," Malon said with a frown. "I feel kind of bad… like, we shouldn't be watching it or something. But she says she's okay, so, I guess she's okay. Besides, maybe it'll help. I mean, Andre can't end with what's-her-face because she's his sister. So he'll end up with Lenore, the woman he truly loves. So maybe that'll help Zelda see that it's really her Link wants in the end."

"That's not exactly inspiring," Leah said. "I mean, the fact that Andre loved someone else, however briefly, is really not cool. And Ilia, we must remember, is _not_, as it transpires, Link's sister. So…" They heard the toilet flush and ceased the conversation, sitting silently until Zelda returned.

"So, stopped gossiping about me?" she asked.

"Zelda, you're so full of it," Malon scoffed. "In your absence, we were conspiring how best to meet Eleanor Parker. We need to find her so we can tell her how amazing and underrated we think she is."

"And hot," Leah added. "Although that might freak her out a bit."

"Uh…maybe," Zelda said, raising an eyebrow.

Unfortunately, _Scaramouche_ did not turn out as nicely as Malon had hoped. In the end, it is discovered that in fact, Aline is NOT Andre's sister, meaning (in the words of Lenore), "You can feel about her the same way she feels about you." When Andre tries to say something to her, an awkward apology perhaps, she scoffs "I was never the marrying type, anyway." To which Zelda inwardly cursed her, because that was totally not true. At any rate, Lenore still had the last laugh of the movie, and though it elicited a few chuckles from two of the three, the end credits came on to a silent living room.

"I can't believe he gets with Aline," Zelda finally said. "I mean—I mean he doesn't even know her! And he spends basically the entire movie thinking that they're siblings, and I mean that's just gross! How could he go and marry someone right away like that when he's thought she was his sister all along?!?"

"Oh, Zelda—" Malon began gently.

"Don't—please don't remind me of the uncanny parallel to my life," Zelda whimpered a tad pathetically. Her voice got a bit higher. "Thanks for coming over, guys. I really appreciate it…but I have one more favor to ask."

"Yeah, anything," Malon said eagerly, getting to her feet.

"Tell Frankie I'm in the hospital or something, I don't care, I just can't come to work today," she sniffed, barely managing to hold back a sob.

"Sure thing, babe," Malon said, patting her pal on the back. With a yawn and a stretch she added, "but I think I'll try to get in a couple hours before work."

"Ditto," Leah yawned. "Now that there's no Eleanor Parker to look at, I have no reason to stay awake." She gave Zelda a brief hug good-bye, then followed Malon outside. As soon as the door shut behind them, she said, "Well, that was awkward."

"Seriously, that is just scary," Malon agreed. "I mean, it's bad enough that he ditched Lenore in the first place, but…"

"I don't understand Link," Leah said. "I thought he was such a great guy, he was perfect! And he and Zelda went so well together. Why would he want to blow everything for an ex?" She gasped loudly. "Oh, no. I'm so slow."

"You're thinking that Young Link is his son," Malon sighed, getting into her car and having Leah do the same. "They look exactly alike, not to mention the whole _name_ thing. But it doesn't make any sense. Link made no indication whatsoever that he had a son, why would he take so long to disclose the information? He hasn't even admitted it yet, he pretended to be the kid's uncle!"

"Maybe…" Leah began. "Maybe he didn't know!"

"What?"

"Maybe Ilia only just tracked him down to tell him he had a son!"

"Leah, you watch too many soap operas. Why on earth would she wait seven years to inform the man?"

"Okay, FYI, I do not watch soap operas. Besides, Zelda's life right now is enough of a soap for me. I just feel like this isn't right. Link is too good a guy to pull something that harsh on her."

"Well, maybe he was just waiting for the opportune moment to get into her pants, you ever think of that?" Malon snarled.

"Malon! Come on! This is Link we're talking about!" Leah cried, upset by this remark. "He's one of the most sincere guys I've ever… well… okay, I have to admit that I was stymied by his choice to hide this secret from her…"

"Stymied," Malon chuckled. "You're too articulate to be a high school drop-out. Good luck with your meeting with the principal, today."

"Thanks, but I'll be seeing you before then anyway, remember?"

"Oh yeah…" Malon yawned again as she pulled over in front of Leah's house. "It's just still so early, and I am SO tired, I'm all out of sorts. See you in a few hours."

"Bye."

**Those Few Hours Later**…

Leah walked casually into Frankie's, then came immediately to a halt. As she looked around the establishment, her eyes narrowed in suspicion. "Wait a second… there is something different going on, here…"

"You noticed?" Malon asked grimly from her position behind the cash register. "Listen closely, now."

"WHOA! There's music! Since when do we have music?!"

"Apparently, Frankie decided we're not a legit diner until we got a jukebox," Ruto answered, pointing to the aged contraption. "In fact, he's not even here. Roy left a note saying he had to drive the old man to buy some more music and put a down-payment on some better speakers. Isn't this great?" Sarcasm. "All my life, I've never wanted anything more than to listen to 'Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy' for hours on end."

"We've only got one record," Malon explained, as Leah walked over to inspect the jukebox. "Andrews Sisters. Could be worse, it could be Xavier Cugat. But wait 'til you hear 'One Meat Ball,' it's a real gem!"

"There's a song called 'One Meat Ball'?" Leah asked, ducking under the counter and getting her apron.

"Believe it or not, yes. An entire song devoted to how a poor man only has, like, a dime or something and spends it on one meat ball because the waiter says that's all he can afford for ten cents."

"My, how times have changed," Leah remarked, referring to the topic of song and not the price of a meat ball. "Hey, hold on. If Frankie isn't here, that means he's not in his office."

"Admirable grasp of the situation," Malon said, raising an eyebrow.

"A-HA, he's left it ajar!" Leah shouted triumphantly, nudging the door open with her foot. "Ooh, nice office. Do you think he'll mind if I use his computer for a second?"

"Um, yes," Ruto said, sounding alarmed. "What if he finds out?"

"Please, he won't find out," Leah sighed, settling herself down in his chair. "And for the record, I searched for him on Myspace AND Facebook, but he doesn't have either. I do, however, think I may have found a picture of him on _that's_ what he's been doing!" Malon gasped. "But what are _you_ doing?"

"As it so happens, I may have scrounged up enough cash to get a very bad ticket to that No Cake for Katy concert Roy was talking about," Leah answered, quickly going to the band's website. She was silent for an unusually long time, browsing with a frown and her brow furrowed.

"Well? Any tickets left?" Malon asked, since Leah hadn't spoken up.

"Uh…did Roy say they were playing in the city?" Leah asked slowly.

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure he did," Ruto said.

"And… it _was_ No Cake for Katy, right?"

"Yes…, you've only mentioned the name to him like five thousand times."

"They aren't playing here."

"What?" Abandoning the empty bar, Malon walked swiftly into the office and stood behind Leah's chair. "That's impossible. Are you sure? Is this a legit website?"

"It's _their_ official website, yes," Leah answered, scrolling through the concert dates once more, very slowly. "And it doesn't say anything about playing New York. They're not even playing in any of the surrounding states!" She exited the site and got up quickly off the chair. "What does this mean?"

"It means Roy was lying about where he skived off to the other day," Malon said, walking out of the office after Leah and shutting the door loudly behind her. "What is it with all the guys around here?!"

"Calm down, Malon," Leah said. "I'm sure there's a reasonable explanation behind all this—"

"Oh, sure, just like there's a reasonable explanation behind Link calling Ilia his sister!" Malon cried in a strangled voice which would have raised eyebrows had there been anyone in the diner this early. She turned violently back to the cash register and froze when she saw Link standing solemnly outside the diner, looking in. He seemed to be waiting for her to give him some kind of sign, perhaps even a nod to approve his coming in, but she only shook her head and turned away.

"Hey, is that Link?" Ruto asked, watching the dejected, retreating figure.

"Yeah," Malon snorted.

"Uh-oh, looks like he's headed for Telma's bar," Ruto deduced, watching Link indeed step into a shady building across the way. "You know she hits on almost anything with a pulse."

"What of it?" Malon asked. "Who cares, he's dead to us now, remember?"

"Did Zelda tell you that?"

"No, but did she have to? Geez, whose side are _on_, Ruto?!"

"In all truth I'm on no one's, until this whole thing gets sorted out."

Malon was kept from retorting when the very subject of their conversation walked wearily into the diner from the back door. "Hi guys," she groaned, dropping her bag and practically collapsing onto the counter.

"Zel, I thought you said you weren't coming in today?" Malon asked.

"Yes, well, I decided it's pathetic but I need the money," she yawned. She seemed fighting to keep her eyes open, and barely managed to say, "I'll go tell Frankie that I'm here, I guess."

"No need," Leah assured her. "He's not here."

"But Frankie's always here, he's the boss," Zelda said slowly. "And what's that … is that music? Heyyyy … it's the boogie woogie bugle boy of Company B! When did we get a—a record player?"

"Actually, I believe it's a jukebox," Malon said. "And Frankie just got it installed like, today. He and Roy are out buying some more music, because according to Ruto, this is the only album they've got and it's been cycling through all morning."

"To an empty house, what's more!" Ruto shouted. "Look at this place! I've never seen it so empty! And I can't figure out how to shut the stupid thing off!"

"Jinx," Leah sighed as an old couple promptly strolled into the diner. "Nice trick, Roo," she added as Ruto scoffed and walked into the kitchen. Don't worry guys, I'll get 'em seeing as how I'm cutting out early today." She walked over to get the old people's orders, and in her absence, Zelda whispered to Malon, "do you think she's preeeeeeeetty?"

"Are you okay?" Malon asked, arching her eyebrow again and shoving Zelda off her. "Ah, no. I knew Leah and I shouldn't have left you alone this morning. You must have gotten into some Red Bull."

"Wow, you've got to be psychic or something," Zelda laughed, shaking her head as if trying to get the drink to come out of her ears. "I couldn't go back to sleep after you guys left, because I knew if I did, I'd have more dreams about Link leaving me for Ilia like I did before you came. So I turned on the idiot-box."

"Yeah? Watch anything good?" Malon asked, thinking it best to keep Zelda awake and talking.

Zelda slowly grinned to herself and then gave a short, loud laugh that caused the only patrons of the bar to jump and stare at her. "_Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill!_"

"Russ Meyers," Malon sighed, rolling her eyes.

"There's these three exotic dancers, right? And they decide to go on a CRIME spree across California, wreaking revenge on lecherous men!" Zelda expounded. "Except the cute little blonde one, she felt bad about all the killing they were doing. I think. Anyway, she was the first to die, naturally. Then there was this Italian-ish one, I think, who … I don't know… but they weren't very conservatively dressed, considering it was the 1960s, you know…?"

"Um, sure," Malon said, sniffing Zelda's breath for traces of alcohol. She didn't smell any. "Uh… listen, I've got to go, um—" She backed away slightly as Zelda cocked her head and grinned impishly at her. "…. I have diarrhea."

Ruto gave Malon a confused look as the red-head made a beeline for the bathroom. Having just come out of the kitchen, she'd missed the entire conversation between Malon and Zelda. "Hey, Zel, I've got to run to the grocery store to pick up some tuna, because apparently we're all out. Think you can help Leah hold down the fort while I'm gone?"

"Yeah, sure, go ahead!" Zelda called after her as Ruto grabbed her jacket and ran out the door. "I'll…. hold down … Leah." She yawned again and half-heartedly reached for her apron. "Can't… reach…"

"Zelda, are you okay?" Leah asked, returning from the only filled table. She picked up Zelda's apron for her and gave it to her. "You look uh… not like we left you this morning. What's up?"

"Pussycats need to kill faster," Zelda replied, very slowly tying the apron. "Hee. You know what I mean, right? With the exotic dancers and everything? And there was this crippled old pervert with a really hot, human vegetable of a son and everything. And karate chopping. Hey, I don't think I tied this right, can you help me?" With a small pout, she turned her back to Leah and pointed to the straps.

"Uh, okay," Leah said with a small bit of hesitancy, gently taking the apron straps and tentatively tying them into a respectable knot. "There you go!"

"Phew!" Zelda turned around and Leah impulsively took a few steps back. "Why are you acting so weird?" Zelda asked her, taking the few steps towards her. Then she spotted the soda fountain. Last drink on the left—"Doctor PEPPA!" Like a crazed person, she stuck her head under the spout and pressed for the soda, letting it guzzle down her throat. "Ahhhh….."

"WHOA, Zelda!" Leah shouted, yanking her friend away from the machine. She stared at her. "You don't drink caffeine often, do you?"

"Is there caffeine in Dr. Pepper? And Red Bull?"

"Yes!"

"Well then……. no. I never had any 'til I was 18, and everybody thought I was hung-over … which I guess would explain this, right?" At this time, Ruto came rushing back into the diner with the tuna and promptly headed for the kitchen. "Look, Ruto caught some fish! Weird, right? And hey, look—" Zelda pointed across the street to Telma's bar. "Maybe I should just go there, get a legitimate hangover!"

Before Leah could stop her, Zelda ducked under the counter, swept out of the diner, and turned several heads as she nonchalantly crossed the busy street. "Order up," said the chef behind her, but Leah was only half-listening. _I should go after her! No, that would be dumb. She's already in the freaking place, and I've left my I.D. at home. I'll have to tell Malon to go if she doesn't come back out in a minute_.

"Why's a bar open so early?" Zelda asked no one in particular.

"It's not exclusively a bar," explained the local mailman who had just walked up next to her. "It's also a café of sorts, I guess you might say. Open nearly all hours of the day, it is! Now if you'll just excuse me…" He made to pass her and enter.

"No," she said in a voice and pose that she probably thought was sexy but really only made her look incredibly stupid, "excuse…_me_." Head held nobly high, she preceded him into the place and walked up to the bar. Sparing the dim atmosphere a look, she said, "Real dark in here. Are YOU Telma?"

"Yes, honey," she said, whisking out a menu. "What can I—"

"I know you!" Zelda gasped, sitting on a bar stool after nearly tripping on it. "I think I stalked you once upon a dream."

Telma narrowed her eyes. "Um… miss, I'm sorry, but I don't like it when people come to my place smashed."

"Oh sure, but they can leave it smashed _all hours of the day!_" Zelda yelled, before slumping down on the counter.

"Oh, dear," Telma sighed. She rolled her eyes and looked to the nervous young man sitting next to Zelda. Telma bypassed him and instead walked down to the end of the bar to say to the more fit person there, "Excuse me, young man, but do you think you could escort this little lady out?"

Link looked up from his untouched drink and saw Telma speaking to him. She jabbed her thumb in Zelda's direction. Immediately he perked up and ran over to her. "Zelda! Zel!"

With a little moan, Zelda pulled her head out of her arms, and her violet eyes shot upon. "Hey, it's you, Link!"

"You—did Malon tell you I was here?" he asked breathlessly.

"Ummmm, no," Zelda said, straightening up. She grabbed the arm of the man next to her and twirled him around so that he was also facing Link. "I actually came in here with … him because I'm so interested in…" She quickly glanced at the title of the book he was perusing. "Sky beings. Isn't that right, um…" Realizing she didn't know his name, she only giggled and poked his nose.

"Uh, Sh-Shad," he stammered, pushing his glasses up further onto the nose she'd just poked. He seemed unsure of whether to pay more attention to this seemingly-plastered girl next to him or the stony-faced man in front of him who looked like he'd be able to rip a phone book in half.

"That's right, Shad!" Zelda laughed, putting an arm around him and pulling him closer. "I love my Shad, here, he's great. And you know what the best part of it is, Link? I'm being honest about it! You can know, and I don't care! I'm not going to try and hide anything from you! This is my _special friend_, Shad. Oh, did I say he was my brother? I'm sorry, my mistake! I mean, would I do this to my own brother?!" Without warning, she closed the small space between her and Shad, kissing him square on the mouth. An innocent victim of the situation, poor awkward Shad sat there stock-still as Zelda continued to open and close her mouth relentlessly against his. His book lay forgotten on the floor, and when Zelda finally broke it off, she slowly leaned down to pick it up.

"I don't know what your problem is," Link said in an angered whisper as she stood back up.

"I'm not the one with a problem, Andre," she said to him.

"Andre?!"

"Zelda!" It was Malon; she'd just made her way into the bar and grabbed her friend's arm. "What's wrong with you?! Back to Frankie's!"

"Tell her she needn't be coming back any time soon!" Telma called after Malon. "And hey, you say you work at Frankie's?"

"Uh, yeah," Malon said, still in her uniform.

"I hear Leah Foxworthy works there. If that's so, tell her someone's tipped me off about her _real_ age. So you can let her know that I'm onto her and if she ever comes back to drown herself in the night here, I'm turning her in."

Malon gulped as she tried to help Zelda stay standing straight. Unable to think of a sufficient reply, she instead turned to Link and hissed, "stay away from us." Leaving him with that, she escorted Zelda out of the bar and back into the diner. By now it had acquired a few more customers, but Malon paid them no mind as she frog-marched Zelda straight into the bathroom. She stuck the blonde's head into a sink and turned both handles on.

"OW!" Zelda made to come out from the icy jets, but Malon pushed her under and kept her there. When she finally allowed Zelda to come up for breath, she gave her a quick slap across the face to wake her up.

"MALON, what are you doing?!" Zelda sputtered, her hair dripping all over the tile floor. She wiped vainly at her face to get the water off. "What's your problem?!"

"Are you really with me now?" Malon asked loudly.

"Yes, of course I am, what do you mean??" she cried. "Ah… I'm soaking wet! What did you do that for??!"

"Because you've been acting drunk all morning!" Malon retorted. "What's the matter with YOU?"

Zelda made a defeated noise and sank down onto the floor. "I just got into some Red Bull this morning, and I guess it… it gave me wings, so to speak."

"I'll say," Malon said. "Do you even know what you did just now?"

She tried to remember. "Uh… not really… but did I see Link?"

"Yes."

"I thought so." Slowly, she used the wall to get back to her feet. "I should probably go now, right?"

Malon gave her arm a sympathetic pat. "It might not be a bad idea."

"Right…" Zelda was about to leave when she suddenly pulled Malon into a tight embrace. "Mal—you're the best friend a girl could ask for. Tell me that I'm doing the right thing."

Fighting for air, Malon answered, "you'll be okay."

Zelda gave one of her one-sided smiles. "Fair enough." She walked out of the bathroom, bade her co-workers goodbye, and made for her car. As she backed out of the parking lot, she began searching for a good radio station. _Why is it every time I turn on the radio there is nothing but ads? _Rihanna, Plain White T's, Tim McGraw; no, she was tired of the modern. _102.7?_

"_…__**yeah**__…_"

Piano riff. _Wait a second, I know this song. Is this D.H.T?_

_"__**You've built a love, but that love falls apart/ your little piece of heaven turns to dark**_…"

_Oh, no_. An impulse to change the station came and went in seconds.

_"__**Listen to your heart, when he's calling for you**_**—**"

_It's saying make a break for it while you can_.

_"__**Listen to your heart, there's nothing else you can do**_**…"**

_Oh yeah?_

_"__**I don't know where you're going, and I don't know why—**_"

_Well, that makes __one__ of us_.

_**"But listen to your heart/before you tell him good-bye**_."

Was she really saying good-bye? That seemed too dramatic. But as the piano-charged song filled her car, Zelda involuntarily began to reexamine her situation.

"_**Sometimes you wonder if this fight is worthwhile  
The precious moments are all lost in the tide, yeah  
They're swept away and nothing is what is seems  
The feeling of belonging to your dreams**_…"

_My dreams_. Zelda recalled any precious moment she had ever spent with Link—hiding behind an Elizabeth Taylor mask, quizzing each other on Harry Potter trivia, his messenger bag pickup line, kissing him for the first time… watching _The Lion King_, where he'd left to answer that phone call from his friend. _His friend! I'm such an idiot, that was Ilia! Oh my Goddesses, I've been such an idiot!_

But at the same time, another voice in Zelda's head popped up. _Maybe you really are jumping to conclusions, Zelda_. _When has Link ever done anything to hurt you before? There must be a reason behind all this_… _you should talk to him_. _What to say, though?_

"_**And there are voices that want to be heard /so much to mention, but you can't find the words**_"

_Oh that's helpful, thanks_.

"_**The scent of magic, the beauty that's been/ when love was wilder than the wind, listen to your heart**_—"

_Love wilder than the wind? _She supposed that would be an apt phrase to describe when she and Link had been semi-necking on Malon's couch. Her heart fluttered at the very memory, and even her breathing sounded louder to her. But then she remembered that had happened right after Link had hung up from that dreaded phone call. Jerk. Zelda pulled into her complex parking lot, but couldn't bring herself to pull the keys out yet.

"_**Listen to your heart…before…you tell him goodbye**_," DHT begged her.

How could she be letting a song this old and this stupid get to her? Oh, dear. She was crying again. This was the most lame and low she could remember feeling in a very long time. Eventually the piano music faded out, but Zelda still didn't feel like going up to her apartment to mope. So instead, she turned around headed right back for the diner's street—not that she intended on going in there.

After a rather sloppy parallel parking job, she ran into Telma's bar. For a moment she stood frozen in the doorway, her eyes searching all across the room. Several men stared back at her, but none of them were familiar. Indeed,—

"He's not here."

Zelda's head turned to the bar so quickly she nearly felt her neck crack. The woman she assumed to be Telma, the owner, was standing behind it, idly washing some mugs with an old rag. "Neither of them, actually."

"Neither of… who?" Zelda asked, coming and sitting down at the same stool she'd taken earlier that morning.

Telma gave her a confused smile. "Shad. Or that Link fellow." The tears on Zelda's face had not quite gone away, and when it looked as if she might start crying again, Telma concernedly stepped closer and spoke again in a gentler tone. "Honey, do you even remember coming in here?"

"Yes, I think I do," she mumbled, trying her best not to cry. "Some small part of me remembers running into Link here—who's Shad?"

"Er… never you mind, dear," Telma said. "Did you want to order something?"

"Hm? Oh… no, I don't think so, thanks."

Straightening up with a sigh, Telma gazed at Zelda with an inspecting eye. "What'd that boy ever do to you?"

"What do you mean?" Zelda asked quickly, turning her bright eyes on Telma.

"That was a swell kid, that Link guy," Telma explained. "Ordered quite a hard drink, but never took the smallest sip. Just sat there and stared at nothing. Then I had a fight go on back there, between a local and a Goron—_morons_, I like to call 'em—and I when I tried to kick them out, well, naturally they ignored me. But Link got up , took both of 'em by the shirt collar and dragged 'em outside, sayin' they had no business fighting in a lady's establishment." She gave her dress a smoothing pat, as if by Link calling her a lady, she had instantly become more respectable.

"Well. How nice," Zelda muttered. That didn't really surprise her; it sounded like something Link would do. She jumped when a man nearby suddenly started swatting at nothing. His head jerked sharply to the right as if he'd been hit, then he swung back—again, at nothing.

"Just ignore him, honey," Telma said loudly.

"What's he punching at…?"

"Oh, I don't know, he probably just saw an air molecule that respected women," she said, rolling her eyes. "I don't know why I keep letting him come back here. Which reminds me. If you work at that diner across the street, you make sure Leah Foxworthy got my lesson about not coming back here, you got it?"

"Sure thing," Zelda sighed, getting of the stool. She didn't need to wait until going back to the diner to see Leah, however, because she found the teenager sitting outside of the bar when she got there. "Oh, hello."

Leah quickly stood up and hung back. "Um, hi. . ."

"Don't worry, I'm fine now," Zelda assured her. "Listen, I was just in there speaking to the barmaid, and she said—"

"No worries," Leah grumbled. "Malon already told me."

"Kid, what do you think you're doing?" Zelda asked her.

"I'm not a kid, if you don't mind," Leah said through gritted teeth. She folded her arms bitterly, then sighed and leaned against the building. "That's all I heard this morning from my idiot of a principal. Kid, kid, kid. Silly little kid who doesn't know anything about anything, because if she did, she wouldn't have left school."

"Didn't you say your English teacher would be there to help you out?"

"Yeah, she was, but she came late," Leah answered. "And that reminds me, I… I meant to tell you something."

"What?"

"Well, after the meeting, I kind of… oh, well, I just kind of broke down. I don't like to cry, especially in front of other people. But anyway my teacher took me back to her room and let me cry in there. I guess I was just so embarrassed and kind of humiliated by the principal in there, and I hated it. So she told me not to feel bad—because I kept apologizing about crying—but I didn't seem able to stop, so she said something like 'hey, don't worry about it, everyone's got to let go sometimes. I spent all day crying yesterday.' And of course, to divert attention away from me, I had to ask why.

"At first I kind of wish she hadn't told me. But the long and short of it is she had borrowed her fiancé's cell phone, and… well, let's just say there were some pictures on there he should have deleted." Zelda gasped lightly, but Leah plowed on. "Yeah, the ex-girlfriend and him. Nothing dirty, just, you know, hugging and being all cute for the little camera phone. And then there some old texts. Again, nothing really _bad_, but still there were the 'love so-and-so' at the end and stuff. So naturally she—my teacher—freaked out a little bit, especially since she's getting married to this guy next week."

"I guess that explains why she was late, huh?" Zelda asked.

"Yes, but I'm not finished. I felt bad because now she looked like she was about to cry, so I asked her how or if it was resolved. She said that at first she didn't want to tell him she knew, hoping it would just blow over. But when she saw him again that night, it just all kind of came out."

"What happened?" Zelda breathed.

"It took him a while to answer her," Leah said, choosing her words carefully. "But he told her in all honesty that he didn't even know they were still on his phone. His said the girlfriend had wheedled him into getting texting and that she was the one who showed him how to use the camera on his phone. He hadn't used either application since they broke up—and she never told him how to delete them. Eventually he forgot they were there, it had been so long. Apparently, Ms—my teacher—knew he was not gifted when it came to technology, so she knew he had to be right."

Zelda mulled this over. If it had been her in this situation, she didn't know if she would have been so quick to look over it.

"The point is," Leah finished, "that he chose my teacher in the end. All I'm saying is maybe Link deserves your ear for his side of the story."

"Maybe…maybe you're right," Zelda said quietly. "I think it's sweet of you to want and get us back together. So I'll make you a deal."

"Okay, name it."

She took a deep breath. "If I call Link and agree to meet with him to talk, you are going to abstain from drinking."

Leah gaped at her. "You want me to—"

"Yeah. If you ask me, I've got the harder of the jobs to do."

"I don't think so."

"Tough."

"Zelda, this is for your own good."

"Oh, so trying to get you to stop underage drinking isn't?"

"I…" Leah chuckled and looked down at your feet. "Okay, I guess you're right." She looked back up at Zelda and shook her hand. "Gotsy, Harkinian, you must really think I've got a chance. You've got yourself a deal."

"Good girl," Zelda said with a smile. She gave Leah's cheek a gentle pat, then turned back to her car. She got in just in time to see her cell phone vibrating violently in the passenger seat. Recognizing Roy's number calling, she quickly picked it up. "Hello?"

"Zelda! Thank heavens I've got you, I've tried to call you like, ten times!"

"What? Why, what's wrong? Is everything okay?"

"Listen—Ruto and Malon told me what happened. I mean about Link and Ilia and the—and the kid. You think he's Link's son?"

"There's an uncanny resemblance, Roy."

"But Zel, I know he's not the boy's father."

"Oh yeah?" Zelda scoffed. "And how do you know that?"

"I know he's not Young Link's father because… because I am."

**:-:-:**

**A/N**: Well, I'm sure none of you saw that coming (eye roll). Next is the end.

Don't believe me about the gorgeous-ness of Eleanor Parker? Watch one of the scenes of _Scaramouche_ I was describing, go to my profile and click on the links there.(or, if you're interested in karate-chopping exotic dancers, feel free to view the second—yes, it is an actual movie.)


	20. Oy with the Zebras, already

**A/N: **I'm a little sad to be cutting the strings off of this story; I got quite attached to it. But, one has to be ready to let go at some point, people (although personally, I still can't accept that Harry Potter is over). People who have stuck with this story, I present to you the final installment.

* * *

After a long, somewhat distressing talk with Roy, Zelda slowly closed her cell phone. Being a staunch opponent of cell-phone drivers, she'd never started driving away from Telma's bar and was therefore still parked outside it. Leah had looked at her quizzically when Zelda didn't leave, so she'd motioned the teenager to go back to Frankie's so as not to invade her privacy. Although Roy had sounded honest and completely desperate, she still wasn't sure she believed him. Deciding it would be a bad idea to drive in her confused condition, Zelda got out of her car and once again entered Telma's establishment.

Said owner sighed when Zelda came to sit down. "What can I getcha, dearie?"

"Gimme a whiskey," Zelda groaned, putting her face in her hands. "Ginger ale on the side." As an afterthought she added, "and don't be stingy, baby."

Telma laughed. "Sure, Garbo, but I haven't got any whiskey. Ginger ale on the rocks, though, I can sure do that."

"Just as well."

So, it was Roy. Roy was Young Link's father. Did Link know? Or was he afraid that _he_ was the father, and that's why he'd tried to pass off Ilia as his sister, until they could figure it all out? It didn't make sense. Roy was a sweet kid, he didn't seem the type to run out on a pregnant girl. This was all messed up.

"I thought I might find you here."

Zelda looked up and saw Ilia sit down at the stool next to her. "Although really I just came on a whim."

"Figures," Zelda snorted. "Why should you think I'd be here?"

Ilia shrugged. She asked for some tap water when Telma returned with Zelda's gingerale. "Not a bad place to try and lose yourself in when you're confused, is it? Not to mention its location …across the street from work, I mean." She watched Zelda gulp down her fizzy drink. "Have you spoken to Roy?"

Zelda put down her glass and stared straight ahead. "Yes."

"Ah, good," Ilia sighed with relief. "I know that of all people, you certainly wouldn't want me to be the one who explained …things."

"Well, then, you've got a head for logic as well as math, don't you?" Zelda sneered for lack of a better retort.

Restraining from telling her that technically logic fit into the whole math thing, Ilia instead remarked, "it's true, you know. I mean about Roy. It's all—"

"How can that be?" Zelda asked, finally turning to face Ilia with a sad expression. "Young Link looks nothing like Roy, he _looks_ like he could be … Link's … son." She ran a frustrated hand slowly through her hair and groaned. "I feel so stupid."

"Yes, well, it's not our fault who Young Link looks like," Ilia said bracingly. "And you have to believe us—he's mine and … Roy's."

"You know Roy?"

"Not really." At this statement, Zelda rolled her eyes, prompting Ilia to add, "I know, that's great, right? I had _met_ him before. He was a friend of a friend and we were at the same party, and someone spiked the drinks and…" She sighed. "I'm not really making me sound any better, am I?"

"Do you _really_ need me to answer that?" Zelda asked sourly, still hunched over the bar in a huff.

"No, I guess not," Ilia sighed. "Look, I don't know how else to convince you about this." She looked down at her empty glass of tap water, quickly scanned the menu, then waved for Telma's attention. "Zelda, listen to me. There is no way that Link could be my kid's father. Link is a—"

"What can I get for ya, honey?" Telma asked, having just sidled over.

Giving Zelda a furtive glance, Ilia replied, "I'll have a _virgin_ strawberry daiquiri, if you please."

"Sure thing," Telma said, albeit with a suspiciously raised eyebrow.

"Wait…" Zelda straightened slightly and finally turned to face Ilia. "Did your order contain some kind of double meaning?"

Mocking the blonde's earlier remark, Ilia said (not unkindly), "do you _really_ need me to answer that?"

She was amazed at herself for being so insistent, but Zelda had to ask, "how do I know you're not here as Link's benefactor?! You're just here because he told you to come and tell me these things and none of them are true!"

_You're kidding me! How can Link deal with someone so annoying?!_ Ilia's incredulous expression matched what she was thinking, but when she spoke again, it was with forced calmness. "Link did not ask me to come here, Zelda." After a small hesitation, she reached into her purse and pulled out an opened envelope. "He actually wanted me to give you this. He gave it to me this morning and wanted me to go to the diner to give it to you. He looked so horrible, and—well—actually, Young Link opened it and read it first while I was getting ready. So I kind of came across it by accident, but—"

Before she could finish, Zelda had taken the note out of Ilia's hands and started to read it. Ignoring Ilia's please of "Zelda, wait" and "let me explain" and "stop" and her attempts to snatch it back, Zelda kept it out of her reach until she'd finished reading it. Long after she was done, she continued to stare at the words as if they weren't real, as if looking at them would make them go away.

"He… he wants to end it," she said in a strangled voice. "We're done."

"No, no you're not!" Ilia sighed, taking the letter back. "Don't you see? Zelda, he only wrote this because he thinks it's what you want. He told me that you've refused to take his calls and that you don't want to see him. If he thinks that what you think is best is just to break up whatever you had going on, then he'll do that just to make sure you have what it is you want. Goddesses, you think he _wants_ to break up with you?!"

"Well, yeah," Zelda whimpered pathetically, gesturing to the letter.

"Oh, screw this!" Ilia said impatiently, tearing up the note and chucking it into a nearby waste-bin. "Listen to me. The other day after I'd put Young Link to bed, older Link called so we could—you know, discuss this whole situation with my kid. We talked about that for maybe five minutes, and just conversationally I brought up you, because he told me he had a girlfriend. Honestly, I couldn't get him to shut up." She was smiling now, because it had made her so glad to hear him so happy. "He wouldn't, he couldn't stop singing your endless praises. I really think he loves you. But if you're not going to give him a chance to explain everything for himself, then you aren't half the woman he spent so long telling me about."

Slumped over on the bar again, Zelda idly picked up a toothpick and started playing with it. Could Ilia really be trusted? What could possibly be an ulterior motive to telling her all this?

"Okay, I've said everything I can," Ilia muttered, grabbing her purse and preparing to leave. She took a look at the drink Telma had left for her, dropped some bills and said, "just one more thing. If you're stupid enough to give Link up, don't think I'm not going to do anything. I'll take him. He doesn't want me, but he'll have me if he can't have you. Not that I like being anyone's second choice, but … look." Zelda did look, and was surprised to see tears silently making their way down Ilia's face. "Don't walk away just because you got scared. Don't make the same mistake I did."

And with those final words of advice, Ilia got up and exited the bar. Planning to stay and contemplate everything Ilia had just said, Zelda got a rude awakening when Telma poked her and asked, "Hey, hon, don't you work at that diner across the way?"

"Yes."

"Mmm… I see. Don't suppose your shift starts soon?"

"Technically yes, but I've sort of given myself a mental health day… at least, I think I have. I mean I meant to go back over there before I came in here, but, well, it's kind of a complicated—"

"You just might not want to go back there for a little while is all I'm saying," Telma remarked.

"Why's that?"

"Well…I just saw some regular customers of mine saunter on in there."

"Regular? Are they drunks?"

"No," Telma sighed. "But I don't think a place full of cute waitresses is really the best spot for them to be, if you catch my drift." She paused thoughtfully, washing out an old mug. "Nice tips, though."

"Thanks, that's all I needed to hear," Zelda said wearily, getting off her bar stool. "I could use some extra cash. See ya."

"Er…bye."

Shaking her head, Zelda slowly walked out of the bar and stopped on the sidewalk just outside. Did she really feel like going back to Frankie's? _I better …there's no reason for me to miss work unless I've been mortally wounded. Mortally? Is that the right word? Oh, whatever_. Right now, this whole Link-Ilia-Roy thing was just getting her confused and she still couldn't say how she felt about everything. _Wait, Roy_. _Ilia said that if I didn't take back Link, she would_. _But what about Roy? Were they going to get together now that they found out they had a son? Or would it just be one of those things where Roy would try to forget but have to end up sending her monthly payments for child care or something? Geez_.

Before she realized it, Zelda had crossed the street and walked around to the back of the diner. She saw on the brick wall next to it "LK and ZH" inscribed in a heart that someone seemed to have scratched on. With a small laugh she remembered having done that with Link a couple months previously. Smiling sentimentally, she ran her hand over it, but quickly had to suppress a scream because somebody had come out of nowhere and grabbed her by the shoulder.

"Watch it, I have mace!" she shouted.

"What?! Relax, it's me!"

Zelda wheeled around and saw that her would-be attacker was none other than Saria's grandmother, Impa. "Oh—oh, it's you, Impa. Sorry, I mistook you for … um, not you, obviously."

Impa chuckled. "Sorry, I didn't mean to give you a fright my dear."

"What're you doing behind the diner?"

"Oh, is that where we are?" Impa asked, looking up and around them. "I'm afraid I must have gotten lost. I'm supposed to meet Saria somewhere—the Starry Night café, I think? Even though it's the middle of the day, ha, ha, ha!"

"Oh, the Starry Night café is on 37th, this is 31st," Zelda explained. "So your confusion is understandable!"

"Ah, I see!" Impa exclaimed, taking out a small sheet of directions from her pocket. "Saria needs to make her numbers a little more obvious, can you see how that might have been misread? Anyway, I do wish we could have come here, instead! Your little diner is so nice."

"Thank y—"

"Of course we would have left together, Saria and I, and avoided this whole directions catastrophe, but she had to go before me because she needed to see someone about getting her car fixed or something like that. Ah!" She seemed to have just noticed the engraving Zelda had been looking at. Squinting at the initials, Impa's face broke into a smile. "Oh-ho, that must be you and your boyfriend, is that right?"

"Oh—well—yes, but we've… you see, we're kind of—"

"That Link, never seen one quite like him!" Impa laughed. "If only my Saria could meet one like that, you know? I'm afraid she may have rather liked him for a while, you know, they live so close together. But honestly, Link has been so nice. Before he moved to a different place, he used to come over all the time and help us. You know, do man things like move heavy furniture, fix the computer, one time he even got Saria's cat out of a tree it was stuck in! Saved us the mess of having to call the fire department, or whoever you're _really_ supposed to call when that sort of thing comes up, you know—oh I'm sorry, dear, were you going to say something?"

"I…" Floored by this old woman's glowing review of Link, Zelda had been somewhat stuck for words. "We're… kind of going through an odd time right now."

The smile on Impa's face faded. "Oh, my poor dear. Have you—that is, are you going to—?"

"I don't know, I'm not sure," Zelda replied in a high-pitched voice. "Just something weird came up, you know? I guess we just have some things to talk about."

"Speaking of which, I'd better go," Impa said, folding Saria's instructions and putting them back. "My granddaughter does hate to be kept waiting! I'll see you around, then, Zelda dear."

"Yes, goodbye…" Impa had barely left sight and Zelda had barely moved when the back door to Frankie's swung open unexpectedly and bashed the blonde so hard that she was sent reeling back into the back wall. Whoever had opened the door seemed unaware of the damage they'd done, because they just stalked on without so much as a glance backwards. "Yo!" Zelda called, the tears of pain that welled up in her eyes obstructing her view. The person turned around and gasped.

"Oh, Zelda!" It was Leah, and she quickly walked over to help her friend up. "I'm so sorry, did I do that?"

"Yeah, but it's fine," Zelda groaned, wiping her face with her sleeve. "You just kind of caught me by surprise there. What's got you marching out in a huff?"

Blushing, Leah said, "it's some of our customers. Normally I wouldn't mind, because there's a suspiciously large amount, but—"

"Oh." Zelda remembered the people Telma had warned her about. "Pervs?"

"Only in the slightest meaning of the word," Leah answered sarcastically. "They haven't actually said anything or done anything to _me_ yet, but there's two of them that won't stop staring at me and it's really creeping me out! Malon told me I should leave and not come back 'til they do, because she's concerned about me being underage and everything. And they won't order; every time someone starts to go over to take it, they just wave us off and say they're not ready yet and—"

"And watch you walk away," Zelda sighed. "Yeah, I know the type. Hmm, yes, it's probably better you don't stay."

"Yeah, seriously. I think I'll go over to CVS now and announce my resignation. If I'm going back to school, I can't continue with my crazy late-night shifts. Finally, I can stop selling drugs to people!"

"I can imagine how that might have plagued your conscience," Zelda laughed, patting Leah on the back. "I'll see you when you get back; I'm going in."

"Oh, wait, one more thing," Leah called after her. "Roy talked to you, right?"

"Yes, yes he did." Zelda heaved a great sigh. "He told me everything. And then Ilia tracked me down and _she_ told me everything."

"Have you spoken to Link yet?"

"No, not yet. I'm going to call him after work."

"Promise?"

"Pinky swear." With a final wave goodbye, Zelda walked into the diner at last. She spotted Malon brooding over by the cash register and said. "Hey there, Mal, why the long face?"

If Malon was surprised to see her, she didn't show it. "Oh, this just hasn't really been my day is all. Roy told us about him and Ilia. I think he's going to try and start seeing her again. Feels guilty about having missed the first seven years of the kid's life, although it's not really like it's his fault if Ilia wasn't trying."

"I think she tried."

"Yeah, well, anyway… this means he can't date me!"

"Oh, sorry, that does kind of suck."

"Just a bit. And _now_ we have all these people here who aren't ordering!" Malon said loudly, gesturing to the relatively large party of men Zelda could only assume was the one Leah had been telling her about. "Or that guy, over there!" And she pointed to a lone man sitting at a booth right next to the large group, staring (presumably, because he was wearing sunglasses) at the _His Girl Friday_ poster by him. He was dressed in a trench coat with the collar turned up and was also wearing a baseball cap that clashed brilliantly with the rest of his outfit. "And he's not ordering anything except Iced Tea. It's driving me nuts."

"There's something familiar about that Fedora," Zelda muttered.

"Anyway, I told Leah to high-tail it out of here because these maniacs are getting out of hand," Malon finished. "Or they will, at any rate, and I didn't want her to be here when they did."

"Well, that was very nice of you," Zelda said lightly, putting on her apron. "Are Frankie and Roy back yet?"

"Obviously Roy is," Malon said, pointing as the boy went to go take the order of some old people. "I mean, how could he have explained Young Link's life story if he hadn't been here? But Frankie left again a little while ago because he discovered a Blockbuster coupon that expires tomorrow and he needs to use. So we have no idea, really, when he'll be back."

"Uh-_huh_… well, I'm going to go ask those guy what they want or tell them to leave, because we need to have, like, a policy or something on how much time you can sit there without ordering something," Zelda said in one breath. "So _if_ you'll excuse me…" She ducked under the counter and walked as placidly as possible to the table the men were all congregated around. In a loud voice she announced, "Listen, guys, we're getting a little tired of waiting around back there, so if you don't mind, could you please tell me what you want?"

As soon as she said it, she knew she should have worded it differently because one of the man answered, "I know what I what, but I don't think it's on the menu." This elicited a tidal wave of laughs from his friends and an impatient sigh from the waitress.

"We retain the right to refuse service to anyone," Zelda said to the outspoken fellow. "I'm going to have to ask you lot to leave if you don't shut up and order."

"Yeah? You going to take me out, Blondie?" he sneered, leering at her. A friend of his muttered something into his ear, making them both laugh. The disguised man sitting in the booth directly behind them, however, did not seem amused.

Zelda gave out a little yelp of shock when the trench-coated man yelled "How _dare _you talk about her that way!", swerved out of his seat and grabbed the guy who had made the lecherous comment. In an instant they were engaged in a terrific fist-fight, successfully up-ending one of the tables within seconds. The snarky guy's friends were all cheering him on, but only when the hat of the chivalrous guy fighting for her honor fall off that Zelda recognized him.

Of course. Could she really be surprised?

"Link! What are you doing?!"

He didn't answer, he was too busy sinking his fist repeatedly into the stomach of the perverted man. Malon, Ruto, and Roy all rushed over and stared at the spectacle, not really sure how to handle it. Then, Malon turned towards her fellow red-head and bellowed over all the noise, "Roy, make them stop!"

"ME!? What do expect me to do?!"

"I don't know, you're a guy! Get in there and break it up!"

Breaking it up wasn't necessary, however, because just then the front door of the diner banged open. This diverted the attention of the men (except the two still scuffling on the floor), who paled when they saw Telma march in after Frankie. The rather large woman grabbed both Link and the man he was fighting by the scruffs of their neck and yanked them apart. "All right, you good-for-nothings!" she said to the group she called her regulars. "You leave this place at once, or you'll never be tolerated at my bar again, do we have an understanding?!"

They certainly did. Within three seconds the whole lot and swiftly left the place, save, of course, for Link. He stood up, and brushed his sunglasses (broken and now dangling from one ear) impatiently to the floor. Everybody looked shocked to see him there, but he only cared to see one. Zelda stared back with an expression that was frustratingly unreadable.

"I only wanted to see you." With that he turned on his heel, made for the door, then heavily pushed it open and disappeared shortly from view.

"Nice one, mom," Roy said, patting Telma on the shoulder.

"MOM?!" Malon gasped. "The barmaid across the way is your _mom?!_"

"Yeah," he said casually, surprised by her surprise.

"Frankie, I didn't know you were married!" Ruto cried.

"Of course I am! Sheesh, what's the matter with you kids?" Frankie barked.

"Sorry about the mess, dahlin," Telma said to her husband. "Don't worry, I'll have someone come by in a jiff to clean it up for ya."

"Thank you, dearest, that will be most appreciated."

"I honestly think this has been the weirdest day of my entire life," Malon said after Telma also made her exit.

"You can say that again!" Frankie snorted. "I would have been in sooner, but some little kid had been throwing eggs at my car and so naturally I had to go berate him."

"Little kid, huh?" Roy asked. "About how old would you say?"

"I don't know, six or seven."

"Blonde? Wearing green?"

"Yes, why? Do you _know_ that little devil?!"

Roy sighed, put his arm around his dad, and said, "if all goes well, I'll know him a lot better in the not-too-distant future. As will you." Beginning to explain about Young Link, he kindly led his dad out of the restaurant to talk.

Zelda stared down at the rubble by her feet. "I can't believe Link would do that for me," she murmured.

"Seriously? I can," Malon snorted.

The blonde turned to stare at her. "What? Weren't you the one saying what a dirty slime-ball he was and that I shouldn't go back to him and that he treated me wrong?"

"Ah, whatever," Malon said with a dismissive wave of her hand. "I was just in the heat of the—moment, or action, or whatever. Let us not be too quick to judge. Him. Link, I mean. He screwed up and he knows he screwed up, but hey…" She nodded out the window to Roy. "At least he didn't screw up as bad as we thought."

"You're right," Zelda said. "You're so right." Without another word, she stepped over the table no one had bothered to put upright again, and walked resolutely out of the somewhat messy diner.

"Hey, you forgot your purse!" Malon called pointlessly after her. "And… you're still wearing your apron."

"I don't think it really matters to her now," Ruto said with a little smile.

Passing Roy and a dumbfounded Frankie in the parking lot, Zelda made a beeline for her car which was still outside of Telma's. She got in, shut off the radio, and drummed her fingers on the steering wheel, trying to decide which of two places she wanted to go. After a few more moments of serious consideration, she sped off down the street. In fact she was going so recklessly fast, she managed to shave at least fifteen minutes off of her normal route. Had there been any cops waiting in the wings to spring someone with a lead foot like hers, they'd have been after her in a second, but she was lucky—even if she hadn't been, she wouldn't have cared. Nothing was going to make her stop driving now.

When she arrived at her destination, she'd barely shut off the engine when she hopped out of the car, kicked the door shut, and walked up the drive. Doorbells were for sissies, she decided, so she banged hard on the door with her fist. When Link opened it, he barely had time to acknowledge the fact that she was standing there, on his doorstep, when Zelda had thrown her arms around him and was kissing him like she'd never kissed him before.

He staggered backwards, mostly from shock, and Zelda once more kicked a door shut behind her. By then Link had regained his motor skills and was kissing her back with equal vigor. He lifted her up so that her feet were no longer touching the floor; she wrapped her legs around his and entwined her fingers in his wonderful, gorgeous, messy hair—she'd forgotten the power of his kiss, how it could make her go a little insane on the inside. She needed him like she needed oxygen, but although she was breathing deeply, at the moment she felt like she wasn't getting enough…

A salty taste had entered her mouth, and initially she wondered if Link had just been eating something with salt, but then realized with a start that both of them were crying. This realization jarred her so, that with a startled little gasp, she let go of Link. He looked up at her, then gently put her down in a chair they'd been standing by. Her eyes moved around distractedly, and Link, for lack of something better to do, sat himself down in a chair opposite.

"So." Zelda folded her hands together, and adopted a very business-like way of sitting, as if what had just happened was a daily circumstance they should both be accustomed to. "Oh, you've um… you've got some, uh…" She pointed at him and smudged around her mouth to get him to do the same. _Jungle Red lipstick, pshh_. Once he'd managed to get the most of it off (and she had as well), she continued: "Just for the record, that… was not my intention in coming here."

"Mm…kay," he said gingerly, not wanting to smile too broadly for fear of coming off as obnoxious. Or, for that matter, saying too much in case he messed up again.

"So. So, um. Yeah. Yes." _This is horrible. I have no idea what I'm doing. Why didn't I make a plan before I came? _Well, that was obvious. She did most things spur-of-the-moment, which would explain what had happened the second Link had opened the door. "So… what've you been up to the last few days? _Oh my Goddesses. I did __**not**__ just ask that._

"Uh…" He raised an eyebrow, knowing that she didn't really want the answer and knowing that she knew he knew. "Well… I've been thinking what an idiot I was not to confide in you who Ilia really was, and that I should have been honest right from the start. I was so stupid."

"I got angry too quickly," Zelda chimed in. "I should've let you explain yourself, I was so horrible to y—" A stack of DVDs resting on the coffee table in front of her diverted her attention. "Those look like a bunch of chick flicks, Link."

Relaxing a little, Link let out a small chuckle. "Yes. I've only watched like, two. I was hoping to be able to pick up some tips on how to—er, get you back."

She melted. "That stunt you pulled in the diner may have been just enough."

He blushed. "I'm sorry if that embarrassed you. I didn't mean to make such a scene, but—well, I won't repeat it, but I didn't like the way those guys were talking about you. All of you, really. I was just going to endure it though, but when he got started on _you_ that just … kind of made me lose it."

"I don't think I've ever met someone quite like you, Link." Feeling a little flustered by his gaze, she looked away again and her focused on the DVD on the top of the stack. "Ah, _The Princess Bride_. So you've been learning from the best."

"Maybe," he said with a gentle shrug. "But I don't think that Wesley ever would have lied to Buttercup."

"Fair statement. But… I'd put it this way. You were really trying to protect me when you told me Ilia was your sister, right? Because you didn't want me to feel weird around her."

"Right."

"But when I found out, I freaked. I should've been calm enough to hear accept your apology instead of deciding that, contrary to the proof of all the time we've been together, you were a good-for-nothing louse." She looked up at him, admiring his eyes that looked like 'the sea after a storm.' "Link, 'I will never doubt again.'"

"'There will never be a need.'"

He stood up and gestured to the back yard swing. An outside excursion seemed indicated, during which—if they had the time—they might discuss the situation of Ilia and Roy. ;)

**Six Months Later**

Frankie's was closed for the night to the general public. But as it was Christmas Eve, Frankie had decided to hold a little party for his devoted employees and their significant others.

"This was real nice of you, boss," Leah said, accepting a turkey leg from him. "Especially now that I can't even work for you part time." With all the school-catching up she had to do (not to mention driver's ed, SAT prep, babysitting her sisters while her mom went to AA meetings, and a seminary class she'd gotten interested in), Leah had been forced to quit at the diner as well. However, she was it's most frequent customer, coming practically every day for a half an hour or so.

"Nonsense, Laquisha!" Frankie laughed (now that she didn't work for him anymore, he had an even harder time remembering her name). "You will always have a job waiting for you when you choose to come back."

"And I will, too," she vowed. "By the summer, I hope. Oh by the way, everyone," she announced to the table at large. "This is my boyfriend, Shad."

"Hi, Shad!" everyone said.

"I think I know you," Shad said to Zelda.

"Really? I'm sorry, where did we meet?"

"Um… never mind."

"How old are you, Shad?" Frankie asked.

"I'm just about to finish up my sophomore year of college," he said. "I'm majoring in history, particularly that of the sky beings!"

"Fascinating," said Link, as he and Zelda tried not to laugh.

"By the way," Leah said to Zelda, who was sitting across from her. She waved her hand, particularly her ring finger, at them.

"OH MY GODDESSES, ARE YOU ENGAGED?!" shouted Malon. "TO _SHAD?!_"

"Whoa, of course not," Leah said. "Still in high school, remember?"

"Six months of being sober, huh?" Zelda asked with a smile. "Way to go, Foxworthy."

"Thanks."

A few minutes later, Zelda started drumming her fingers on the table. Most thought she was just impatiently waiting for the mashed potatoes getting passed around to reach her, but this was not it: she was trying to get something noticed. She wouldn't stop.

_Geez, that's getting annoying_, Malon thought to herself, taking a sip of her water. She glanced down at Zelda's restless fingers. _That's a really annoying habit she's—_but the next second she screamed loudly, spewing the water in her mouth (unintentionally, of course) on Ruto, who was sitting across from her. She kept screaming loudly, causing Zelda to shake with laughter.

Then Ruto saw it, and she started screaming. Leah leaned over the table and looked as well, and also started to shriek with excitement.

"WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN?!" they yelled in unison.

The rest of the table (meaning Frankie, Telma, Roy, Ilia, and Young Link—but not older Link) were still completely in the dark, until they saw the hand Zelda was now proudly raising up. "Oh, just an hour or two ago," she said with an impish grin.

"That ring is gorgeous!" Leah said. "Definitely beats mine."

"Oooh, it's so pretty!" Ruto gushed, accidentally sticking her elbow in the bowl of mashed potatoes as she leaned over to get a closer look.

"I want one," Malon said, looking around at the table. She frowned.

"What, did you just realize that there's no one here you can wink at to give you one?" Ruto laughed.

"NO."

"Mmkay. Just don't be bitter, we need to be happy!"

"Of course I'm happy!" Malon said sincerely with a smile she could not contain. "I'll just chill with you, and Saria and Impa at the wedding."

"Mmm, we'll all have dates," Ruto said. "My bf apologizes for not being here, by the way. Bit busy."

"Impa. _Impa_ will have a date? Okay, _now_ I'm bitter."

Everybody laughed. Roy and Ilia, who had just had their own wedding a few weeks previously said, "We ought to have had a double one!" ("Aw man," Young Link moaned. "Does this mean I have to go to another wedding?")

"No, certainly not!" Telma said in response to Roy's statement. "That takes all the fun out of having your own! My dears, you _must_ have the bachelorette party at my place."

"Link, I want you to have your wedding dinner here!" Frankie insisted.

"Only on one condition, old man," Ruto said. "You have to let us decorate it."

"Of course!"

"SWEET!" yelled Malon. "Let's do something weird! Some wacky theme for your guys' wedding dinner!"

"Like what?" Zelda laughed.

"I don't know, like…"

"Like Zebras out for tea?" Leah suggested. "They do so love stripes."

Malon stared at her. "No, I was going to say, like, Harry Potter or something."

"I don't know, Zebras out for tea is kind of working for me," Zelda said with a grin, nodding approvingly at Leah. "Although Frankie here would have to add tea to the menu to make it plausible."

"Pshh, tea is too British," Malon scoffed.

"What, so Harry Potter isn't?" Leah asked. "Speaking of which—a toast, everyone!" They all raised the glasses of butter beer that Telma had made them. "To Link and Zelda, our very own… zebras out for tea!"

"That's pretty quirky," Link said to Zelda as they all raised their glasses.

"And I say, old chap, we're about as quirky as they come!"

"I'll drink to that!"

**The End. **

**An Author's Farewell**:

Fanfiction readers and writers, it's been a swell four years. However, I think the time has come for me to stop writing for a while. I envision a very busy year ahead of me, and unfortunately, that means limited time for writing stories. Thank you for the reviews, they've helped a lot. I've still got some story ideas floating around in my head, so hopefully someday I'll come back.


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